Whom to please? Niftar or aging grandfather??

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 11:17 am

My husbands grandfather passed on this week at a high age and I'm expecting a boy iyh any day now. Technically I would give the name now to my mothers parents because I didn't give them a chance yet. My 93 yo maternal grandfather, may he be healthy, will most probably be sandik at the Bris and I would love naming after his father. It would mean so much to him and I want to please him while he's still alive. Wwyd?? My husband of course wants to name after his grandfather that just passed away.

amother

Teal

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 11:30 am

If you had no obligations and you had the liberty to choose any name on earth, what's the name you would want to give your child?
Give that name.

Last edited by amother on Fri, Jan 10 2020, 10:20 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:59 pm

I know your grandfather would be touched if you used his father's name.

But don't you think your husband and his parents would be touched if you used his grandfather's name? And bringing simcha to someone currently in mourning is a big deal. . . As well as helping your husband who's probably feeling down.

I don't think there's a right answer here. If you can give both names, that would be a good way to go.

When my daughter was born, we considered between naming after a female relative of my side who had passed away almost 20 years before and had no one named after her. But my husband's grandmother died shortly before I became pregnant and our daughter was the first girl born since. So we had a similar dilemma. I knew either way that my cousins and my husband's cousins would use the respective names, so it wasn't like it was only up to us to use those names. In the end, I felt that the loss of my husband's grandmother was still very fresh and it was more important to both of us to use her name in this case, and her loss was still felt by both of us. So we named after my husband's grandmother. I'm very happy with our choice. And since then, babies on both sides of the family have been born and named after both relatives, so everyone was named after.

amother

Amber

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 1:11 pm

Isn't the question whom to please - your grandfather or your husband?

The niftar is in the olam ha'emes, and I'm sure would want you to do whatever is best for your family.

Perhaps you can name after both relatives, perhaps not, but really you need to do what is best for both you and your husband. And that will probably mean having an open discussion with your husband so you can reach a conclusion together which works for both of you.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 1:27 pm

It sounds more like it's a decision between the parents, not grandparents. He wants his side and you want yours. Look if it is your turn then there is no question about it. Especially if the great grandfather is being sandek. But people do tend to name their kids after people who are closer to their generation.

agreer

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 1:54 pm

If your husband's grandfather just died, he's the obvious choice to name after. It will give such comfort to his family.

Tell your grandfather you wanted sooooo badly to name after his father, but circumstances did not allow.

And of course...discuss with your husband... you get the next boy!

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 3:35 pm

My grandfather recently passed away. During shiva a great grandson was born. They decided to name after my grandfather. The family Rav mentioned after to the mourners how it is brought down in a sefer the special merit to the neshama of the one who has passed on if a child is born during shiva and named after him. All boys born since have been named after my grandfather.