Consumed with guilt over unsent wedding thank you (2yrs)

amother

Ivory

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:31 pm

I can't get it out of my mind but I'm now sending thank you for the baby gift!

my mother told me to forget it, it's too embarrassing to send now.

some of the people are family and friends but many are balabatish acquaintances of my parents and I'm so humiliated that I never got my act together. I even have a whole stack that were written and addressed and never mailed... one lady has since passed away...

do you think I can still send a card like, "please accept this embarrassingly late but no less heartfelt thanks, we have so enjoyed this item over the past 2 years" or cut my losses and forget it?

I feel terrible about myself Sad

amother

Cerise

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:36 pm

I'm in the same boat.. but I'm 8 years post wedding embarrassed

The guilt has faded somewhat over the years.. I wish I could go back and do it over right.

challahchallah

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:40 pm

amother wrote:

...
do you think I can still send a card like, "please accept this embarrassingly late but no less heartfelt thanks, we have so enjoyed this item over the past 2 years" or cut my losses and forget it?
...

You totally can--definitely better late than never. Extra points if you can add an extra sentence specifically about how you've used that particular item.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:43 pm

Me too... 12 years post-wedding. I try not to think about it too often. Makes me feel like a real piece of dirt.

I doubt that a "It's been 12 wonderful years, but my memory has not faded from the beautiful gift you got us. I hope you've since forgotten that we never sent you a thank you card. The gift looks tattered by now, but it is still loved, and makes me think [guiltily] of you every time." will go over well.

IY"H when my children get married I will dedicate an evening to helping fill out and mail the thank you cards, to save them the anguish I've had over this.

carrot

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:46 pm

I've sent thank-you notes more than 2 yr post wedding... Specifically for some checks that were misplaced and never cashed!

Do it!

amother

Mauve

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:51 pm

I would use a telephone ( and try to call when you think they will be out so you can leave a message ;-) )

Hello balabatishfriendofmyparents
This is plonit
Look I know this is a little unusual but I have been thinking about you a lot because with all the hectiness of Shana Rishona I never sent you a thank you note for the lovely glasses you gave us for the wedding. And I keep on meaning to sit down and write the notes, but it has never happened, so I said, that's it, I'm just going to call and say Thank You. The thing is, we use them ALL the time. It was such a great gift-, (blah blah blah blah).

Anyway, enough of that. How are YOU?

agreer

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:54 pm

No way... you snooze, you lose... you missed the boat and it IS embarrassing.

I send thank you cards right away, and if I would get a "It's been x years...how embarrassing" type of card like that, I would roll my eyes. It would not be appreciated. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Yes, you SHOULD have sent them right away (up to 1 year is acceptable), but you didn't. Move on but learn a lesson.

Also...seriously....no need to be consumed with guilt. It shows proper manners but isn't the end of the world. Lack of thank you card is not on par with murder, theft, or even forgetting someone's birthday.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 5:55 pm

amother wrote:

IY"H when my children get married I will dedicate an evening to helping fill out and mail the thank you cards, to save them the anguish I've had over this.

Nah.... They won't still have post by then
;-),

There'll be some new fedangdeled thing where you click on the present and it automatically sends a thank you to the persons superphone (which hasn't been invented yet either)

amother

Ivory

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 6:02 pm

agreer wrote:

I'm inclined towards this response being correct, even though I hope it's not lol

to clarify - a lot of the gift givers are not frum and are secular professionals, I can't pull the shana rishona excuse (which isn't one anyways) -what would miss manners say?

amother

Mint

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 6:11 pm

amother wrote:

amother

Mauve

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 6:12 pm

amother wrote:

......

to clarify - a lot of the gift givers are not frum and are secular professionals, I can't pull the shana rishona excuse (which isn't one anyways) -what would miss manners say?

Oh that's not the image I had before. Nah - you can't call up that sort of person. I was more thinking of mom's friend from sewing club that you run into at the makolet once every 6 months type people.

(assuming you mean that they have a professional association with your parents)

It's too late. Learn from the experience and move on.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 6:20 pm

My father asked for a copy of my thank you list and he made a copy and gave it back. My mom in law decided what a great idea but of course promptly lost it. So her side never got thank you cards. Didnt lose too much sleep over it. Was only the start of years of annoying things that made the thank you card fiasco look like a joke.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 6:21 pm

For the record although I receive many thank you cards and have sent many myself, I truly do not notice when someone does not send me one.

amother

Violet

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 6:37 pm

Not to take over the thread....

What about almost a year after baby? shock

I want to send them very badly, but I feel very stupid. I even wrote a bunch, but never send them.

zaq

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 7:03 pm

Being consumed with guilt accomplishes nothing. Write those thank you note and send them now. To save face, date them a year ago, and in another shade of ink add a PS to the effect of you're so embarrassed , you found this while Pesach cleaning, cant believe you never sent it, please accept apologies blablabla. By not sending youre just compounding your sin, so to speak.

amother

Copper

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

Not to take over the thread....

What about almost a year after baby? shock

I want to send them very badly, but I feel very stupid. I even wrote a bunch, but never send them.

Me too. mine is one and half years old now Sad

I don't know what to do. I was thinking about just writing them and sending them and saying I'm sorry it's late (now I can actually write how much my child enjoyed the present). should I or shouldn't I? Personally I wouldn't care if someone sent a late thank you. Dunno what to do. A lot of the people are my parents' friends.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:19 pm

I lost a bunch of written cards that were waiting on addresses during moving and wasn't sure which got sent. I found them a few months ago and they're just in a closet now. I don't know whether to send or forget. I personally couldn't care less whether I receive a thank you card, but I know that not everyone feels the same way.