Single girl out with friends until 1AM- is this appropriate?

Fox

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 12:41 pm

It's a law of physics that everyone has to be somewhere, and unmarried women are no exception. I have three DDs ages 21-22, and yes, they hang out with friends until late.

As for where they hang out, it all depends on where you live and what's available. Restaurants and coffee shops tend to close early in Chicago, so they'll sometimes just sit in their cars and shmooze. They want more privacy than most homes afford, and they don't want to have to park a distance away from a house and then have to walk back to their cars alone.

I've noticed that the amount of time spent shmoozing is directly proportionate to the amount of free time the girls have. When they were just out of high school and had relatively undemanding jobs, they were constantly involved in late-night gabfests. Now that they have more demanding jobs with responsibility, they're tucked in before me!

As for the safety of any specific practice, it is entirely dependent on where you live.

For example, we made a rule that the girls can't go after 9 p.m. to the large 24-hour supermarket (Jewel) that everyone patronizes. There have been a number of assaults in the parking lot late at night. Restaurants vary by neighborhood and by parking. A pizza shop that has well-lit parking in front is different than a storefront pizza shop where you have to park a block away.

As for the reputation of the girls, I haven't heard that this is a consideration.

greenfire

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 1:10 pm

this is all because there are nowhere for frum people to hang out, so the only resort is the pizza shop ... and the minute they hangout they are considered oy vey - the lowlife dreks of the yeshiva/community/what have yous

now rumours spread & pizza really means pot & pot means drinking & drinking means pre-marital zex ... until you have a perfectly normal person no longer a gitte shidduch

ah ~ but if you ask me, there should be pool halls & socials so that people can learn who they are & about the opposite genders & ultimately be able to choose & go out on dates with people they are similar to - rather than those that look good on paper because they have yichus or some such outer facade [& have no idea how to deal with real relationships & proper sholom bayis]

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 1:17 pm

amother wrote:

Wow, I didn't know there were violent crimes going on in Lakewood at night.

Youhave to be careful every where. Lots of stories in Lakewood even in safe areas -
- girl assaulted while walking near lake
- girl robbed while walking near train tracks
- girl assaulted leaving the gym at night (horrible story a few years ago)
- Lots of stores in Lakewood recently robbed during the day including a jewlery store
Everyone has to be safe and make sure they are in a safe area.

http://www.thelakewoodscoop.co......html
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Chayalle

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 1:19 pm

amother wrote:

Wow, I didn't know there were violent crimes going on in Lakewood at night. I didn't hear. I am just like you Chayalle, I don't like going out at night but I tell my husband where I am going and bring my cell phone and have my eyes and ears open.
So you have a daughter who is 18, is she going to Israel for seminary? Are you concerned with her safety in Israel where the schools do not keep the girls tied to their beds. As much as they say that they watch the girls and have curfews etc etc, the girls do have much more freedom. Or do you trust your daughter that she is now 18 and an adult and will make the right choices and decisions.
Sorry I don't mean to pick on you at all I am just very interested in this conversation. At what point do we treat our children like adults. When do we trust them, when do we let them make decisions about where and when they are going and their bed times?

there have been several incidents in Lakewood. One involving a young girl being assaulted after dark, around the corner from where I live - last summer. My girls don't walk alone at night in the neighborhood. How about the incident of the young woman who was kidnapped after dark, leaving a local shopping plaza, just a few years ago.

LOL about seminary - DD is in seminary locally - her choice. As for Israeli seminaries, they certainly have curfews. They are not out at local pizza shops till 1 a.m. - certainly not the ones my DD might have considered, had she wanted to go.

I have no problem with girls having independence - I want my girls to make their own choices - responsible ones. DD drives and goes places with friends....- but late at night, she is home. She is B"H responsible, and she has parents who also are home at night, not out on the town.