Does your rabbi eat at your house?

amother

Oak

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 4:59 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why not the other way? To go everyone's homes no matter what?
To not eat at anyone is a way of separating themselves from the community in a way. I find that a bit offensive.

It's not offensive if you understand there is a reason. The head rabbi of our current community shul does not eat out by people. Furthermore, when we were invited to his house I asked his rebetzin what I could bring and I was told "any kosher store-bought dessert." I did not take offense to this. Not even considering that we actually are stricter on kashrus than they are (for example, we keep pas yisroel and cholov yisroel and they do not).

I live in a community that is very mixed and there are simply all different levels. There are people who are going to spend an hour cleaning and checking a head of lettuce and there are people who will give it a superficial rinse and throw it into a bowl to eat. There are also people here who have no idea what on earth they are doing on shabbos in terms of heating up food, etc. I cannot imagine feeling okay with eating wherever just to make people feel good.

anotherima

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 5:22 am

Our first Rabbi did not eat at anyone's house, and after a baby did not take meals from the neighborhood. Our second and now third Rabbi does eat at our homes. It makes no difference to me, I am not offended at all.

saw50st8

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 5:42 am

When I was growing up, my Rabbi ate everywhere.

Nowadays, my Rabbi doesn't eat at anyone per his official policy. We are a generally orthodox community but a few people who aren't or who have questionable kashrut practices and I think it keeps the peace. His official policy is that once he steps down from being a shul Rabbi, he would eat everywhere, but as the Rabbi, he doesn't eat anywhere.

I don't know what most of the other rabbonim do. I know of one Rabbi who definitely eats out at people (we've invited them in the past, but our schedules haven't worked out).

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 6:26 am

My husband is the Rabbi, so yes he eats in my house.

We have a mostly blanket rule about not eating in anyones house. Many people in our community keep kosher but not shabbos. Escept for one family, no one keeps chalav yisrael or glatt. We will eat in people's homes in certain circumstances eg a bbq where we can see the packages, or double wrapped food, and obviously prepared packaged food with hechsherim.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 7:00 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Im so happy that I dont live in a community where a rav feels like he cant trust some of his congregant's kashrut. I wouldnt be able to be part of a community.

What does this mean? Suppose I joined your community and davened in your shul. My level of yidishkeit is obviously low and my adherence to abide by the strict interpretation of halachah is questionable. Now dh and I join your shul and invite the rav and rebbitzen for shabbos lunch. Are you saying they would come over and eat?

tichellady

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:52 am

amother wrote:

I think people know whether they keep kosher or not. Many shuls have a list of their kashrut standards on their website for anyone who wants to host. I don't think anyone is going to invite the rabbi over for lunch if their home isn't kosher unless they are lacking major sechel, in which case the rabbi would have picked up on that

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 9:16 am

I once watched a relatives dc so they can go on a shabbaton. They drove their Rebbe back to my town. The drive was long so they called along the way requesting food. Not sure if the food was good/enough over shabbos.

This was after a summer shabbos, so I quickly sliced my leftover homemade challa, made tuna, salad and eggs. The Rebbe came into my house also, since he was staying at a host family he felt uncomfortable going back hungry. My relative and their Rebbe devoured the food. No one questioned my kashrus.

I do believe that had it been different circumstances then this Chaisishe rebbe might not have accepted anything more than a cup of water.

Carmen Luna

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 1:48 pm

Interesting. In the Chassidishe circles it's unheard of to invite the Rabbi for a meal. Unless if it's a Simcha you invite (by personally going down to his house) the Rav/Rebbe to attend, and when he does, they don't usually eat more than a slice of cake, and a becher with grape juice.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 6:17 pm

My sister's DH is a Rabbi of a shul. Even though most of her shul has standards that they would be comfortable eating at, because there are a few that they aren't comfortable eating at, her family has decided not to eat at anyone - this way they aren't offending any one family - it's just their policy.

tichellady

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 7:33 pm

The point of many rabbinic kashrut laws are to separate us from gentiles so it's sad to me when they separate us from our fellow Jews. Obviously there are standards we all need to be comfortable with but I think it would be ideal for a rabbi to eat in everyone's home and everyone to know what standard is required to have guests over and be willing to accommodate or at least be open to serving store bought food if they don't keep proper kashrut standards. I recognize that life is more complex than that but I still think this would be the ideal community to live in. Fortunately, my community is like this. My rabbi told me that it had never come up that someone invited his family over who didn't keep kosher. He says sometimes people invite them to a restaurant because they know their home is not up to par

saw50st8

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 4:45 am

tichellady wrote:

It gets more complicated than that. We had friends who didn't realize you couldn't put raw food into your oven on shabbat morning that was placed on Shabbat mode. They thought you could cook fresh food. That's literally cooking on shabbat. Many people are not as open about their actual practices to their Rabbi but would be to their friends.

It's a complicated situation and it doesn't bother me one bit.

OOTBubby

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 5:09 am

saw50st8 wrote:

That is a situation in which anyone should have an issue with eating in their house.

saw50st8

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 5:11 am

OOTBubby wrote:

That is a situation in which anyone should have an issue with eating in their house.

Yes of course! But it's a lot easier for a regular person in the community to turn down invitations than for the Rabbi of the community to say "I can go to these families but not those"

tichellady

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 8:57 am

saw50st8 wrote:

There is clearly greater education about how to warm food on Shabbat needed in that community.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 9:03 am

saw50st8 wrote:

Yes of course! But it's a lot easier for a regular person in the community to turn down invitations than for the Rabbi of the community to say "I can go to these families but not those"

I have a friend (not right wing at all) who lives in a community where many people have live in nannies. She says in the park the parents tell her that they often ask their rav about mess ups in the kitchen. She always wonders that if they see so many mistakes - how much they don't see (mess ups include heating up food in wrong pots, ovens, microwaves, toasters, etc or bringing their own food in and cooking). She will not eat in many of their homes.
I'd imagine for a rav who is getting these questions would also find it difficult to eat in some homes and not others.

saw50st8

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 9:49 am

tichellady wrote:

There is clearly greater education about how to warm food on Shabbat needed in that community.

How is one person who moved into the community indicative of a community wide problem?

amother

Mauve

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 9:53 am

Carmen Luna wrote:

Exactly - I wouldnt even think of inviting him for a shabbos meal unless its a simcha