Is my cleaning help too excessive?

amother

Sienna

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 10:49 pm

Squishy wrote:

I used the calculator to figure out what I am losing by being a sahm who works very part time - scary.

I then used it to figure out my cleaning lady costs - again scary.

[Amother Sienna's response removed] Please no personal attacks, ladies! — Rubber Ducky as mod

Ilovemaryland

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 11:29 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I'm on the fence about this.

I personally think cleaning help is a luxury. I can probably afford it but it feels more luxurious than the lifestyle I lead, and I'm not comfortable spending money (for the most part) on things I can do myself. I don't see myself as a martyr, but we do have limited funds, and I prefer to live comfortably within my means, especially since luxuries can feel like necessities very quickly, and can become hard to pare down if circumstances change.

Especially because so many of the responses are validating, I wanted to respond with another perspective. Which isn't to say that cleaning help isn't right for you, your family, your Sholom Bayis or your mental health. it very well may be. But I don't think you're wrong to question yourself about this.

What does your husband think?

BINGO

justforfun87

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 12:37 am

SixOfWands wrote:

And if the OP is 30, and invests just that money each year in a retirement fund, she would have about $135,000 at age 65.

Should she cut the hours? I don't know. It seems like a lot of help to me for someone who doesn't work outside the home, but who knows how big the house is, and what other issues there are.

Really?! Where would I need to invest to make 135,000 with no risk of loss?

Aylat

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 1:46 am

OP, don't be made to feel guilty by any responses on this thread. It's great to reflect on how we are living, but ultimately everyone makes their own decisions about lifestyle, financial choices, the way to run their house, raise their children.

As long as there's no dishonesty, *that's okay!!*

ETA I think your choices sound fine. And I live a very different lifestyle. I have no judgement or jealousy, it sounds like you're doing great.

slushiemom

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 5:58 am

amother wrote:

I'm a SAHM with cleaning help every day. There's no issur to make your life easier if you can.

Yes!! I love this attitude, and unfortunately it's far too uncommon to hear people say this these days. Everything is a martyr contest, but there's no reason not to enjoy and be grateful for everything life has to offer you, whatever that means for each person.

I stayed home with my kids for 10 years, since the first one was born until a few months ago when I went back to work. The last 2 years, all my kids were in school already and I literally just used that time to recover from a decade of pregnancy, nursing and having babies home till they were 2 years old.

I always felt like I should qualify that I was home with no kids home during the day by saying that I was still sooo busy with sooo many errands and volunteering and family and blah blah blah. But you know what? I was watching TV. For 2 years. And I legit loved every minute of it, and after awhile I got comfortable and confident enough in myself to say with a big smile that I'm a SAHM with no kids home and I freaking loved it.

So, OP - go for it. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, with no guilt! You're doing nothing wrong, the years with small kids are SO TOUGH, so use everything in your means to make your life easier.

Last edited by slushiemom on Fri, Apr 28 2017, 9:01 am; edited 1 time in total

staten islander

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 8:27 am

There is definitely a culture of martyrdom, Slushie. There is no mitzvah to kill yourself and if you can afford help, why not get it. I have a lot of household help and I don't justify it to anyone. I am a sahm and I strongly feel that if my situation allows me to have a cleaning lady/babysitter/etc,then why not? Yes, I do a lot of errands,e tc, but I also have time to get a mani.So what

mommy3b2c

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 9:56 am

slushiemom wrote:

I'm just curious. I was also a sahm with two kids in school a whole day for a few years. Obviously, my life was pretty relaxed, but I couldn't watch tv all day. I still needed to do errands, and cook, and laundry and dishes, etc... and I had cleaning help. Were you not busy with these things at all?

SixOfWands

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 10:14 am

justforfun87 wrote:

Really?! Where would I need to invest to make 135,000 with no risk of loss?

There's always a risk of loss. But that doesn't mean that we should spend all of our money, not invest it.

But if you're risk averse, I 'd recommend an index fund. The 15 year return rate has always been positive.

In any case, the point is that saving $1200 a year is not negligible.

mfb

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 10:40 am

I once heard on a tape from rebitzen zehava braunstein I think, that the one thing she would change from the years she was raising little kids is that she would take more cleaning help, so that she had more time to spend with her kids. Since hearing that I don't feel guilty anymore about my cleaning help.

amother

Pewter

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 12:32 pm

amother wrote:

Yeah? You want your kids to grow up prejudiced, Judgmental and xenophobic?

I think my sarcasm didn't translate. No. But I also don't think of my daughter's neshama as being so fragile that it must only encounter Jews . Our hashkafa's our extremely different.

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 12:40 pm

staten islander wrote:

I don't find that too be true here at all. If anything most women here can't imagine not having cleaning help and many are not necessarily wealthy. It's listed as a necessity here often.

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Apr 28 2017, 2:59 pm

10hrs a week is not excessive.
I had more than twice as much help, with 4 kids, 6-7hrs 3x a week.
I worked almost full time, though, same hours as my kids were in school for. Exclamation

The entire family benefitted.
I was able to attend to my kids needs, instead of house chores.
My kids were able to invite friends over and be proud of their clean home.
DH loved the fact that when he came home the attention was on him and the kids, and we were all able to relax.

Also I'm not the best at cleaning, so why not leave it to the experts.
I also don't know a thing about taxes, appliance repairs,plumbing,etc. so I leave it to the experts.

Perhaps, while kids are in school, find more work hours.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 12:19 am

amother wrote:

10hrs a week is not excessive.
I had more than twice as much help, with 4 kids, 6-7hrs 3x a week.
I worked almost full time, though, same hours as my kids were in school for. Exclamation

Interesting perspective.

I hate the expectation that just because I'm female I should naturally be good at cleaning, or at least just do it whether I like it or even if it sucks the soul out of me.