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Baby throwing a tantrum help



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amother
Ecru


 

Post Sat, Apr 29 2017, 4:51 pm
My baby has started lately to throw tantrums and get really wild when he doesn't get something he wants (age 1.5)
Tonight he was in his crib and cried so my husband went to him he screamed and was biting the cot and the blanket and trying to bite my husband's hand because he wanted to come out of the cot
Today we came home home after being in the park for a hour and he wanted to go out longer so he was lying on the floor kicking and screaming and biting my hand for about 10 mins
Last week he wanted a yogurt that he finished and I put into the garbage and he threw a tantrum for 20 mins
My question is how am I supposed to react what should I do should I say no don't do this in a firm voice? I don't want to be mean I just don't want this to get worse
Any advice appreciated
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 29 2017, 6:14 pm
First of all, keep your hands out of reach!

Stand a few paces away, and let him tantrum. Speak soothingly, and just make sure he doesn't hurt himself on anything. The less feedback you give him (besides your calm voice) the sooner he'll realize that throwing a fit won't get him very far.

Any punishing, fussing over him, giving in, or losing your temper will only encourage him to keep it up.

I trained myself to automatically shift into what I called "Zombie Mode". As soon as DD would get wound up, I would get calm. I'd say things like "I know you want that cookie right now. I'm sorry you can't have that cookie right now. You must be very sad about the cookie. After we eat dinner, we can have cookies. This is not the time for cookies." Say it in a mellow voice, like you're trying to hypnotize him.

When he hears that you are calm, even though he thinks his world is falling apart, he will start to realize that you are in control of the situation, and that he is safe. Remember, in his little brain, that cookie (or whatever) really IS "the end of the world!"

So take a deep breath, don't let him hurt you, and don't let him hurt himself. That's very important. Remember Zombie Mode, and you'll get through this. Once you master this skill, it will come in very handy when he's 4, and again when he hits his teens.

This technique works especially well when you hear those dreaded words "I hate you, you are the worst mother EVER!", because believe me, that day will come, and you will be glad that you've learned how to keep your cool and ride it out. Hug
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sat, Apr 29 2017, 10:36 pm
Maybe he is biting because he is teething? Maybe a pacifier will help or maybe instead of going back out, all your child needs is a large sippy cup with diluted juice?
My toddler is cute and difficult too. Maybe hungry, tired, needs drink ??? If no more yogurt maybe you need to give your child something else? A cracker, cheese, cereal, bread? Child is a baby! Don't assume it's a tantrum. Normal that child wants to go out of crib Maybe your child needs to walk around for a few more min and make a dirty diaper??
Distraction, relaxing music crib toys? Feel like 3 year old throws a tantrum. Usually an underlying issue why 18 month old does.
Just my opinion, I have a 16 month old.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Sat, Apr 29 2017, 11:12 pm
To the prior poster who 'feels like' three year old throws tantrums - 'reality is' they happen in younger children too. FranticFrummie provided some excellent advice. Your job is to keep your cool, and keep baby safe. Communication helps too. When leaving the park say "all done park", "bye bye park" etc..
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Sat, Apr 29 2017, 11:56 pm
amother wrote:
FranticFrummie provided some excellent advice. Your job is to keep your cool, and keep baby safe. Communication helps too. When leaving the park say "all done park", "bye bye park" etc..


I agree. Franticfrummie basically wrote what I was going to say. I don't give in to tantrums and my son has learned that. The remaining calm part... everything she wrote is awesome advice.
I also do the "bye bye park" (and any other thing that is over/we will be leaving) and it works so well with my almost 1.5 year old (he waves and is so much more ok with it! it's so weird how those little words have such an effect on him. just tonight he'd been brushing his teeth for a while and I told him he needed to give me the toothbrush and he wouldn't let go of it, but I said "bye bye toothbrush" he immediately let go of it and gave it to me! may not work so well with all kids, but it's worth a try if you haven't yet.).
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anonymrs




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 12:04 am
What FF said, excellent post!

When my kids are little, I tell them that Mommy's ears don't hear so well when it gets too loud. And then I hear the older ones telling that to the younger one who is having a tantrum. LOL Very Happy
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 3:25 am
Thanks for all your replies
I do give him his pacifier and his drink but he just throws it and is not interested and I do tell him no more park and now we're staying home very softly but it doesn't help Sad
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 4:32 am
amother wrote:
Thanks for all your replies
I do give him his pacifier and his drink but he just throws it and is not interested and I do tell him no more park and now we're staying home very softly but it doesn't help Sad


Don't expect miracles overnight! It will take him a while to get used to you reacting differently, and to realize that things are going to go your way.

It's also important to know that this is going to go in stages, and as he gets older he's going to try the tantrum with each new thing he discovers. This is not a "one time and done fix", it's a learning process. Every time you stand calm and firm, you are reinforcing that tantrums don't work, and you are cutting short future tantrums. That doesn't mean that he's not going to keep trying it once and a while.

BTW, kids know when you are tired and overwhelmed, and they will pick that time to throw a fit, because that is the time you are most likely to give in. They know you'd do anything for 5 minutes of peace and quiet, and that is the PERFECT time to insist on candy.

Kids are WAY smarter than people give them credit for. I don't mean that they are scheming or devious (that happens when they get older, LOL), but rather that they are intuitive and very aware of our moods. They learn very fast, what works and what doesn't.

Remember, the behavior you pay attention to, is the one that you'll keep getting.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 4:49 am
This is the only way I have ever reacted by being calm and not giving in and he just cries and screams for ages
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 5:00 am
amother wrote:
This is the only way I have ever reacted by being calm and not giving in and he just cries and screams for ages


HUGS! Just be patient. Are you taking care of yourself? You sound frazzled. Make sure you are eating healthy. Fix yourself a nice cup of tea, and wait it out. Put on some classical music in the background, or whatever you find soothing (it will help him, too.)

Some kids tantrum longer than others. Some will get over it in 5 minutes, some kids seem to have unlimited energy and can keep it up for an hour or more.

If you're really worried, take him to the pediatrician, and rule out strep or ear infections.

Is he going through a growth spurt, and hungrier than usual? Are his naps unscheduled? Any new teeth coming in? All of this can cause major meltdowns.

If you are absolutely worried you're going to lose it, put him someplace safe, like a pack n'play or his crib (if he can't climb out), and walk away for a few minutes. It's better to leave him alone to cry in a safe place, than to risk you losing your temper. (I learned this when DD had colic.)
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 5:36 am
The best advice I heard on this subject was "we don't negotiate with terrorists".
When a child is tantruming, you can look at them sadly and give a little sympathy, but DONT GIVE IN! It feeds the tantrum. It's a reward for bad behavior.
They will eventually tire of it or just fall asleep.
Another important bit of advice I've found invaluable is "No talking, no emotion"
After your initial words of sympathy, don't get involved. Let him scream.
My mother would often turn on the classical music station when it got too much. (Hence my love of classical music!)

If he's tired and in his bed, tell him, I love you! Sleep well! Leave and close the door.

If you give in even once in a while, you will be teaching him that his manipulative methods work. He will have the courage to go on for longer since there is hope of you capitulating. If you NEVER give in, he will be forced to find other ways to get his message across.

And as FF said, keep your hands away!
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 5:37 am
Being out of sight is surprisingly helpful. If he can't be moved elsewhere, move yourself.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2017, 7:43 am
I want to point out that kids tantrum bec they are upset not bec they ate trying to manipulate you. If you consistently give in than they learn that they can use it as a tool. But even if you don't give in they will tantrum when they are mad. Also I don't agree that if you give in once than all is lost. My baby is 13 months and kicks and arches her body and shrieks when I don't give her what she wants. It is definitely worse when she is tired or not eating healthfully. Lots of luck. Your baby is developing its own desires separate from yours.
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