Do you like being with your kids

Laiya

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 4:10 pm

amother wrote:

I love and like all my children, but for a while at the beg of this year I was having such a hard time with one of my children who can be really difficult and explosive. I was so frustrated and was horrified to realize that I felt like I just didn't like her. I don't have a good relationship with my parents (lot of emotional neglect) and felt my mother had no sense of affection for me at all. So it was jarring to realize that I might be recreating that.

And then I told myself that love is a verb just like the word jump, and I will actively seek ways to love. To my utter surprise it worked so much better than I could have ever imagined. I purposely find ways to increase my love for her. A more elaborate bedtime routine even tho I'm really tired. Focusing on her zany sense of humor, how she is quick to apologize, the way her chin is so pointy and I thinks its just adorable... And sometimes even when she explodes after she loses a game with me or whines like crazy, I tell myself yes its annoying but you can still love her. Love is a verb, you can do it. And then I began to notice that I look at her and speak to her with much more love. and its helped my feelings tremendously and its subtly helped her behavior too.

Beautiful, love this

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 11:21 am

I'm also wondering if this can be a symptom of postpartum rage - being irritated by things kids do even if small/normally might not bother you so much - I didn't know such a thing existed until recently.

zaq

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 1:01 pm

Not all kids are likable. Not all stages are likable. Not all parents have the koiches to like all their kids at every stage. That doesn't mean that they're mentally ill or dysfunctional. It means they're human.

Some people are better with different stages.Some folks who have no patience for kids below the age of reason are fantastic with kids in middle school and up. Some who are great with infants and toddlers are awful with teens.

I dont see why we should expect people to like being with all their kids all the time. Anyone who says she likes being with her kids when they are acting cranky, defiant, disrespectful, disruptive, destructive, obstructive, and a general PITA is either a liar or a saint.

JMHO of course.

cbsp

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 2:54 pm

zaq wrote:

I definitely don't like being with my kids when they are acting as you described. But I'm also definitely not chanting (in my head or out loud) "I hate you I hate you I hate you" (I'm chanting "calgon please take me away Smile

")

See the difference?