DH has no passion for Judaism

amother

Ivory

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 9:34 am

DH has all the outer trappings of a frum (and yeshivish) person. FFB, in learning for many years, goes to minyan, etc. He recently got a job and confided in me that he feels no joy in his Yiddishkeit and has so many questions and basic things he doesn't understand (like why do we need to daven Ma'ariv right after Mincha if we just said the same words, and why can't we eat meat after milk but can eat milk after meat). He doesn't enjoy Shabbos or Yomtov, feels like it's a drag. He doesn't enjoy learning gemara and wishes he could learn more basic things with more hashkafa.

I think the best thing for him would be to pretend he's a ba'al teshuva and go to a Discovery seminar or something and learn with a kiruv rabbi. But he's a very respected member of our community and he would never do anything like that. He said he's even too embarrassed to be seen reading a sefer in shul that's not "lumdish".

I want to help him since he is too embarrassed to take any initiative, but I don't know where to start. Does anyone know of a Rabbi that would be helpful in these matters - preferably available by email? Or a good sefer or series of sefarim or shiurim?

Iymnok

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 9:43 am

Those are basic questions that should be asked to someone who is used to answering basic questions.
Ask the rabbi on the Ohr Somayach or similar website would be a good start. I can give you the names and numbers of those rabbis if you need.

He could learn at home at night from hashkafa sefarim. For Halacha, many learn halacha from the shulchan aruch. He may do better starting from the Gemara and working his way down. Dh finds it so much clearer that way.

Dh has gained a tremendous amount from listening to Rav Avigdor Miller. Accessible from torahanytime.com .

amother

Apricot

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 9:53 am

I would not get all excited over it. Don't yell at him oh what an apikores.... Rather validate it. Project inspire answered my questions in emunah. Like how do I know matan torah happened? How do we know Hashem created the world? How do we know Christianity is not the real religion? And they explained it so clearly. I am not going to write the answers here because they are mighty long but they are very good.

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 9:56 am

First of all your husband can be very comfortable. Many if not most yeshivas don't give answers to the questions your husband has. When he will learn more hashkufa it will help him to learn gemurah with more ckaishik.

Rabbi YY Jacobson
Email; yyjacobson@theyeshiva.net
He gets such emails/phone calls daily.

You can also watch his shiurim about any hashkafic question on www.theyeshiva.net

He can read/learn at home sforim that are interesting to read because they have lots of stories and many shiurim and writers take from them for example;
Chufetz Chaim al hatorah
Masseh ish from the chazon ish.
Eitzes vehadruchos from the stiepler

Last edited by amother on Wed, May 03 2017, 11:50 am; edited 1 time in total

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 10:13 am

Is he interested in anything Breslov, from Rabbi Shalom Arush or Rabbi Lazar Brody? I find it very accessible and inspiring.

An online chavrusa in the evening could be helpful, too. Aish has many wonderful people available.

A great book is "Wise Men and Their Tales" by Eli Wiesel. The introduction talks about how much Eli loves Rashi, because Rashi's favorite question was "Why?" Asking "why" is the introduction to G-d. Many times, the questions are just as, or even more, important than the answers. I think if he reads this he will feel very validated and understood.

I can totally relate to him, because I am a BT who loves "why". I drove my kiruv rabbis CRAZY with my constant questions! I was always the first one with my hand in the air, and I could see the look in their eyes. "Oh boy, there she goes again. We have to get through this class in an hour." Rolling Eyes

I didn't care. The desire to ask is too overwhelming. I just can't help myself. LOL

(Don't even get me started on Pesach. Seriously, just don't.)

MyTimeNow

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 10:37 am

Bravo to your husband for expressing this to you! And YAY for you that you are accepting and seeking to help him!

This is not unusual. Many of us have coasted through the basic BY/Yeshiva system doing the things we should but not really developing that passion. And I've come to realize that we each have an obligation to seek, question, and develop that passion for ourselves. The torah was given to each of us to make it our own, to make our own connection to Hashem. Nobody can develop our neshamas for us...
There are good suggestions above.
There's a lot online. R' Akiva Tatz and R' Manis Friedman are people I enjoy listening to.
Re Discovery, or the like, chances are your husband is unlikely to bump into the neighbors there. And if he does, it would not be untrue to say he is there so he can teach others.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 2:12 pm

Did he ever listen to R Akiva Tatz series online. He gives lectures exactly for this reason that we have forgotten the basics. His lectures saved me from almost leaving years back. Its easy to listen on the way there/back from work.

amother

Brown

Thu, Apr 27 2017, 2:32 pm

Thank you everyone for your responses! This was so inspiringly for me as dh is very similar but thinks no one will answer his questions because people are afraid to speak about the stuff he asks.

I will read this thread to dh tonight and just so he realizes how not alone he is.

Maybe this will inspire him. Have to remember to erase this post before I read it all to him. Thank you op.