What would you say if....

amother

Chocolate

Sun, May 07 2017, 7:45 pm

I would tell her that married women go to the Mikvah - and its something that you can talk to her more about when she is old enough to get married.

simcha2

Sun, May 07 2017, 7:45 pm

I would say yes...But I'm a ML, so my kids already know that. Not the details of when and how, just that at certain times women go, just like men go at certain times.

Iymnok

Mon, May 08 2017, 1:58 am

Yes, why hide important halachic information?
It's technical really. If you want to get personal and blush a lot, that's your prerogative. But even if you connect it to the menstrual cycle, she has no need to know the connection with intimacy just yet.
You could look up every single instance when Mikva immersion is needed. It's really interesting since most are not used today because they are related to the beis hamikdash.

June

Mon, May 08 2017, 5:00 am

When I was 9, I read "Voices in the Silence," which is an awesome (and I mean it in the real sense of the word) book about a Jewish family who remained frum in Soviet Russia. There is a whole chapter on women's mesirus nefesh for mikva, so I learned then that women use the mikva. I didn't know any of the what and why, but it was no big deal to me. However, when my class read that book in 12th grade as part of the curriculum, the chapter on mikva was ripped out from each of our copies Rolling Eyes

Ruchel

Mon, May 08 2017, 6:58 am

My grandmother thought her mother didn't go to mikve, until her brother told her he heard a convo (they used another language) and she did. It was very hush hush, Euro Sefardi family, etc. That said I would totally downplay and make it as a religious ritua that has no tie to intimacy (for sure!) or body functions.

LittleDucky

Mon, May 08 2017, 9:59 am

Why all these lies and misinformation about whether we go or connecting it to our cycle? I wouldn't tell her anything about intimacy and depending on how mature I would explain more. But at 10 she should know that menstruation exists and I would explain that it is connected to married women and their cycles. Part of the mitzvah is to be quiet about it so we don't talk or ask when someone is going. If we see it we don't talk/ask.

I won't scare her or give details about bedikas or possibly showing my underwear to a Rav or anything I don't think she could handle and not talk about in polite company. But to lie to her is terrible and sets her up to not trust me in the future.

Chayalle

Mon, May 08 2017, 10:07 am

My mother A"H had a cousin who was a Chassidish Rav in Chicago in the 1950's....one of his daughters was in 8th grade in day school, where many of the girls were continuing to public high school. The teacher decided to tell the girls that when they get married, they must know there's something called mikvah that they must go to. So the young lady came home and asked her mother about it. Her mother responded that they go every Erev Yom Kippur (some have a minhag to do this.)

Personally, I like chocolate amother's response.

Zehava

Mon, May 08 2017, 10:17 am

Another one of those silly secrets people keep from their kids like saying babies are bought at the hospital.
Kids take things at face value. It's adults who are terrified of the truth coming out.

Ruchel

Mon, May 08 2017, 10:35 am

And then we have amothers who report of curious kids who ask when/if they go to mikve, if they have their period. You're allowed to your peace. This generation of adults loves oversharing... There's something between never telling about period until it happens, and this.