Feeling guilty for not being able to davven anymore

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 3:37 pm

Does anyone else feel like that?
We need a big yeshuo in our family, I davened more an more and more, said thilim more and more and more, learned certain things did other things, giving tzedokah there, there and there. The yeshuo has not come. Its already going on for years, I cant cope anymore. I am on the verge of giving up, cant daven anymore davened so much! My tears dont stop.
We read all these stories of people donating there or going there and are helped. Every one is helped! Why does it not work by us???? I cant anymore.
Its a helpless case.

PinkFridge

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:01 pm

First of all, big, big hugs!
Don't focus on all the miracle tzedaka stories. Give tzedaka, a reasonable amount, because it's acceptable hishtadlus, and you will be helping someone in need. Go to sleep knowing you did something good for someone else and let yourself feel good about it.

As far as davening: Don't regret a moment of davening even if it doesn't seem to "work." (Rabbi Menachem Nissel has an excellent shiur called, IIRC, "Understanding Unanswered Prayers.") When you daven you are saying, "RBSh"O, we can do all sorts of things in this world but nothing will happen without Your ratzon." You are creating a connection with Hashem, and becoming a better person. If you feel burnt out from all the davening, go back to basics. Brachos, Shema and Shemoneh Esrei. A few meaningful perakim of Tehillim. If even that's too much, go back to the bottom line and talk to Hashem in your own words following the template of shevach, bakasha, hoda'a.

I don't know how immediate the yeshua is. If it's in your nuclear family, you have a lot of practical things you need to be juggling. Try to take care of yourself. Eat healthily, rest in bed even if you can't sleep at night, and try to get in a little bit of humor every day to keep your spirits up. If it's still very close to home do all the above so you can be the most effective support person you can be.

I have had the zechus this year of being able to see some CDs of shiurim given by Rebbetzin Tammy Karmel, a young woman who has ALS. These shiurim were given in the year or so after her diagnosis and she shares her struggles, and some yesodos that have given her the koach to persevere. They include:
- Hashem gives us a toolbox. Don't think too far ahead and awfulize. If and when you get there Hashem will give you the tools you need.
- Be thankful. Even if it seems difficult, find something to be grateful for. Wherever we are in life, we have the capacity to serve Hashem, no matter how compromised our circumstances and this should give us simcha.
- When we feel good, we use our bechira most effectively. If you can spread good will and cheer, you are helping others make good choices and giving them the gift of olam haba.

Please know, I have used these yesodos myself under trying circumstances.

You are a good person. An exceptionally good person to care so much and work so hard. Feel free to vent here as needed.

Hug

amother

Seafoam

Mon, May 08 2017, 3:10 pm

amother wrote:

OP, obviously this post is old, but Im only seeing it for the first time now.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone at all. I also have stopped davening as we have not gotten our yeshuos either. It hurts. And its not possible for me to daven to the god that is supposedly there to help with yeshuos. The wait for us is just about over. I have actually gone further than stopping to daven. I have given up on hashem completely. (But thats a different thread) I just wanted you to know that you are not alone at all. And major hugs to you.

PinkFridge

Mon, May 08 2017, 3:33 pm

Lion wrote:

Hi PinkFridge,
Where would I find Rav Nissel's Shiur with that title you mentioned? Torahanytime does not have that title-though there are 20 other shiurim.
Thanks

I don't know. Someone distilled it at a shiur I went to, and it sounded like this was a known shiur. I'm not sure where she got it from.

OK, I did some googling and found this:
http://www.raananakollel.org/a......html

and this:
http://torahmedia.com/author/R......html

Among other links. I googled "Rabbi Nissel Unanswered Prayers."