VENT: so upset with DDs playgroup

amother

Powderblue

Tue, May 23 2017, 4:47 am

amother wrote:

Is it the teacher's fault the kid is shy? How exactly is a teacher supposed to figure it out that the kid is wet if she didn't tell her? And besides the kid was scared to tell you as well?
Is it the teacher's fault the kid was stubborn and refused to eat!? What did you want the teacher to do, stuff bread down the kids throat? The kid is probably giving the teacher a run for her money and not listening to her.
I am the administrative department (not in your child's school) and that's how I see it.

Can you please let us know where you work so we can avoid it like the plague? Thanks. Your love for children shines through.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 23 2017, 5:12 am

amother wrote:

Why didn't u start her in the school nursery if the teachers are better? You could easily switch her school the next year if the school u want doesn't have a nursery program. When ur child is in such a miserable olaygroup, u as a her protector, should have come up with a solution months ago. She's a scared 4 year old who needed her mother. 6 weeks before the school year is up is not the time to suddenly wake up.

I tried, but they wanted the nursery spot for kids who would be continuing with their school.

mommy3b2c

Tue, May 23 2017, 5:30 am

amother wrote:

Can you tell me which school you work for so that I can tell everybody I know to pull their child out? You sound like a horribly nasty person, and you do not belong near children.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, May 23 2017, 5:37 am

Op, something I've learned is that when kids experience something emotionally painful or traumatic, sometimes what matters most is how their parent reacts. Years down the line, what will have made the biggest emotional impact is her memory of how you handled the situation. I don't know you so this may seem obvious, but just in case it's not- she needs your sympathy, validation and unconditional support right now. Show her and tell her that she is loved, she is good, and the teacher was wrong. Make whatever changes you can so she sees that you believe it.

little neshamala

Tue, May 23 2017, 5:55 am

amother wrote:

YES!

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 23 2017, 6:14 am

I'm keeping her home today while I decide what to do.

At first all kids are clingy in a new place so first I thought that was the problem. Then DD was ok for a month or two. Then she was clingy again. Then she was ok again for a month or two. Then it started going downhill and I started getting a bad feeling that something was wrong with the place as opposed to DD going through a clingy phase. When you're living it day by day, it's not so black and white as a post you read in 5 minutes. DD had some good days at the playgroup too. It wasn't like she was miserable all day every day and there was nothing specific I could put my finger on except that incident of the teacher thinking the right approach was to ignore DD.

dancingqueen

Tue, May 23 2017, 6:17 am

amother wrote:

Yes, preschool teachers should notice that a 4 year old is wet, and that's why they don't want to sit participate and eat. That's pretty basic. It's hardly unheard of for a 4 year old to have an accident, they should change them into their change of clothes.

Chayalle

Tue, May 23 2017, 6:31 am

One of my DD's once had an accident in Primary. She came home wearing a denim jumper provided by the school that was like, down to the floor on her, with school-provided change that I washed and returned. The fact that my child was completely nonchalant about the incident is testimony to the warmth and normalcy that the Morah and school nurse portrayed with the whole incident.

OP, I'm so sorry your child has been in such a non-supportive environment for the year. Please be more vigilant for next year, check out the Morah and find out if she is warm and nurturing. I do this every year for my kids when they are young. I've switched my DD's class because I didn't think the teacher would be a good fit for her.

Laiya

Tue, May 23 2017, 6:47 am

amother wrote:

The morah might not be able to figure out the reasons why, but she should be compassionate. She should be feeling the pain of a child who can't participate in activities, but doesn't know how to express herself.

Not, yelling at the mother that she "won't tolerate this". Goodness.

A morah should be able to use a little creativity and empathy to put herself into the shoes of a small, hungry child who doesn't yet have the communication skills to explain why she won't eat.

The morah should be troubled that a child under her watch is hungry. I've had morahs call or text me that they're concerned because my child wouldn't eat lunch, or forgot their snack. I was sure the morahs felt my child's hunger pangs.

The bolded in your post is very troubling. Preschool children are not malicious. One should never infer ill intent into a child. This thought process will prevent you from having compassion for the child.

Blue jay

Tue, May 23 2017, 7:12 am

"The teacher was mad and said she won't tolerate this kind of behavior. "

OP, not only did the teacher act unprofessionaly towards your dd but here you can see she is admitting to it! Find a new school or sitter at home for the remaining weeks.

And give your dd extra extra hugs! Let her know Mom is going to fix this problem.

Im sorry this happened to your family!

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 23 2017, 7:58 am

The good thing is, because DD is so young and she has a very easygoing personality, she's nonchalant about the whole thing. It wasn't a traumatizing experience for her in an obvious way, I think after she was wet for hours she just made up a story in her head about why she was wet, she didn't even associate the accident with why she was wet. (That's why at first she told me her skirt was wet from the rain, I think she genuinely believed it at that point.) She's not embarrassed by the accident or upset at the teacher for this in particular.

It's traumatizing in a more subtle subconscious way that she's been expressing to me all year long - she just doesn't like this teacher's no-nonsense attitude. DD is very gentle-hearted and she would respond so well to someone who speaks gently to her. She normally loves to listen to rules and cooperate. (For example she went to a eye doctor appointment recently and the doctor was marveling at how cooperative she was, more so than other kids her age.)

A few months ago DD was telling me that she doesn't like school because of naptime, because she doesn't want to nap and be quiet during naptime but the teachers make all the kids do it. DD and this teacher have just been rubbing each other the wrong way all year and it baffles me because DD is otherwise unusually well behaved and cooperative for her age.

Can I get some tips for how to make sure this doesn't happen next year? How can I know if a teacher is a right fit for DD? How can I know if she's clingy because she's a 4 yo or if she's clingy because the school is a terrible fit for her?

Anyway she's thrilled to have a day off with Mommy today. Smile

Chayalle

Tue, May 23 2017, 8:01 am

What do other parents of the class have to say about the teacher? Ask specific questions. Is the Morah warm, is she gentle? Is she the type that is excited about the kids? How is she with individual attention? Is she patient? These are traits that your child would likely do well with, so you want to make sure the Morah has these.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 23 2017, 8:20 am

Chayalle wrote:

Thanks, those are good specific questions to ask. It's scary because this playgroup was actually recommended by a couple people I know personally and clearly they and their kids have no issue with it...

Chayalle

Tue, May 23 2017, 8:25 am

amother wrote:

Different kids, different personalities.

I remember my mother A"H used to say that my oldest sister, who is a sensitive and gentle soul, had a really hard year with a certain teacher who taught alot, expected alot, and had a tough-love approach to teaching kids. My next sister, who is less emotional and very bright, had an awesome year with the same teacher.

If your child is more shy, she needs a teacher who is gentle, approachable, and makes her feel loved. Believe it or not, there are some kids who don't like such a teacher.

My DD had an awesome (for her) kindergarten teacher, who was totally into her students, loved them, got all excited about them...and a friend of mine's DD didn't like that teacher so much - her child happens to be very straightforward, no-nonsense type, and she thought the teacher was too "gushy" and didn't like it.

sneakermom

Tue, May 23 2017, 8:28 am

Teachers that are rigid are dangerous for young children.

They tend to traumatize young kids who still have accidents, squirm during nap time, don't want to share, can't verbalize exactly their needs, and cry easily. Meaning they can't handle the normal ups and downs of normal young children.

Healthy teachers are positive, know how to give basic structure to make the kids secure. But are also attuned to the individual needs of the child. They show love, warmth and if you're lucky, a sense of humor:)

The children feel safe. And that allows them to relax and learn. You can easily tell when kids feel happy, secure and safe. There's a sense of freedom and joy, a contentment or sparkle in the child's eye.

I wish we gave early childhood teachers a rigidity test that they have to pass in order to get licensed.

Orchid

Tue, May 23 2017, 6:56 pm

amother wrote:

DH thinks I'm overreacting and it was an honest mistake that could have happened to anyone and I should keep sending DD for the next 4 weeks until school is over.

Not realizing your kid is wet = honest mistake
Your kid being afraid to tell morah = not an honest mistake, but a bad situation for your daughter.

MiracleMama

Tue, May 23 2017, 7:17 pm

amother wrote:

Can I get some tips for how to make sure this doesn't happen next year? How can I know if a teacher is a right fit for DD? How can I know if she's clingy because she's a 4 yo or if she's clingy because the school is a terrible fit for her?

If a kid goes off to school excited and happy and returns happy, that's my litmus test. When a kids start whining he/she doesn't want to go to school or comes home looking sad, something is wrong.

In your particular case, I would share what happened the other day, exactly what you posted, and see how they react to it. If they're stunned, you're on the right track.

amother

Slategray

Tue, May 23 2017, 7:41 pm

I was a Playgroup teacher and this doesn't sound right. The kids are supposed to trust their morah and feel secure and comfortable. If the morah didn't realize she didn't go in bathroom all day she's probably not on top of other things.( just assuming)

My kids used to cry to come to school. It's supposed to be a fun, loving place. Not a place to hide feelings and hold back..
I would suggest u take ur kid out of there...