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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
School doesn't like dh dress
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amother
Wine


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 7:20 pm
amother wrote:
Let me guess, OP, that this took place in LAKEWOOD????

Please tell us the name of the school so I know NOT to send my girls there!


No this was not in lakewood
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 8:09 pm
amother wrote:
No this was not in lakewood


Folks, no more 20 questions, please.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 8:43 pm
mddm wrote:
Luv it!! My DH told me 2 guys were sitting at a function together and a guy walked in wearing "skinny pants" 1 of the guys turns to him and says "you had a good Mohel"... LOL


Post of the day Rolling Laughter
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 8:48 pm
amother wrote:
Ok here. Me too. I think if they have an issue.. call us down together before telling me in the hallway in front of dd and others. She told me maybe don't tell him. I don't want it between ur shalom bayis. We will speak nicely and work it out....I feel like she will try because honestly if she loses me she loses my 2 sister's and 6 cousins and we have all graduated the school and my parents have been honored as parents of the year....they really support them.



Honestly, this has got to be the strangest story I've ever read hear. So let me get this straight - the principle goes waaaay out of line and actually confronts you about your husbands tight pants. They are so inappropriate and he really shouldn't dress like that. Then in the next sentence the principle tells you....but don't tell him. Maybe. I don't want to hurt your shalom bayis. Also, it's strange that when the principle said your dh pants are to tight, you don't respond, no they're not. Instead you just say that he needs it for work. If someone would accuse my dh of wearing tight pants I would either say, none of your business or no they are not tight. Instead you just say that he needs them for work. All while you pay full tuition and had your parents honored. Just wierd.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 8:51 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
Everyone? Where did I say that?


I wasn't accusing anyone specific Smile but on other threads where moms mention that they've been told their dc's school doesn't approve of their sheital legnth or other aspects of their dress I've seen lots of comments along the lines of "you picked this school so you need to go along with the rules, you can always switch schools".
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 9:43 pm
OP, was your husband wearing jeans? Yeshivish schools usually have plenty of tolerance for tight pants but none for tight jeans.
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amother
Black


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 10:01 pm
I have to post. Having been through the wringer when getting my child into school for my dress, while my hubby got away scot free, I have strong feelings about this topic.

1. It is so demeaning and I sympathize for your husband if he gets to hear about; it's an awful feeling

2. It is terrible when schools pit one spouse against another and cause shalom bayis issues. You should absolutely not say anything to your husband, let the principal do it if she feels so strongly; and you can explain that in all fairness.

3. All the posters writing funny, snarky comments about all the sharp things to say... you definitely don't live in lakewood, or I assume any large communities where it's so hard getting your kids into school. No, you just don't open your mouth to the principal and defend your husbands pants size in a snarky way. As tempting as it seems. Unless you want your kid to be homeschooled....

4. I left this for last because I really try not to be judgemental. But, does your husband dress like everyone else? Is he the odd man out? The school could ask for a lot worse than just to look a certain way when he's at the school. They could be trying to completely overhaul his entire wardrobe, as others do. Of course the whole obsession with dress is shallow and stupid, but it is what is. You can't fight city hall.

5. All the snarky posters can make hilarious jokes about pants, but of all the current trends in menswear, cool socks, glasses, wearing colored shirts, those are all just things you either do or don't, there's really nothing wrong with any of them. But super tight pants? That never really existed until a few years ago, and I sort of find them offensive. Hard to deny that when they're way too tight it is a lack of tznius. Bash me if you like but it is the one and only thing I would say is sort of wrong.
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CatLady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 10:40 pm
I don't care if a guy's pants are so tight that you can read the date on the quarter in his pocket - it's extremely rude to comment on it, unless you're the salesman trying to find clothes that fit properly. Even so, the salesman would discreetly bring a size larger and say "Try these".

Black amother, have you seen the pics of men in rompers on Facebook? Now THAT'S wrong!
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ruby slippers




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 10:55 pm
I would not share with him. She even said never mind(although she is playing min d games with you. ) I would try to forget the entire conversation and move on. Unless you personally have an issue with the way your husband dresses then that is another story.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 10:55 pm
amother wrote:
I have to post. Having been through the wringer when getting my child into school for my dress, while my hubby got away scot free, I have strong feelings about this topic.

1. It is so demeaning and I sympathize for your husband if he gets to hear about; it's an awful feeling

2. It is terrible when schools pit one spouse against another and cause shalom bayis issues. You should absolutely not say anything to your husband, let the principal do it if she feels so strongly; and you can explain that in all fairness.

3. All the posters writing funny, snarky comments about all the sharp things to say... you definitely don't live in lakewood, or I assume any large communities where it's so hard getting your kids into school. No, you just don't open your mouth to the principal and defend your husbands pants size in a snarky way. As tempting as it seems. Unless you want your kid to be homeschooled....

4. I left this for last because I really try not to be judgemental. But, does your husband dress like everyone else? Is he the odd man out? The school could ask for a lot worse than just to look a certain way when he's at the school. They could be trying to completely overhaul his entire wardrobe, as others do. Of course the whole obsession with dress is shallow and stupid, but it is what is. You can't fight city hall.

5. All the snarky posters can make hilarious jokes about pants, but of all the current trends in menswear, cool socks, glasses, wearing colored shirts, those are all just things you either do or don't, there's really nothing wrong with any of them. But super tight pants? That never really existed until a few years ago, and I sort of find them offensive. Hard to deny that when they're way too tight it is a lack of tznius. Bash me if you like but it is the one and only thing I would say is sort of wrong.


Op here. HE DOES NOT WEAR SKINNY PANTS. THEY R REGULAR SLIM FIT PANTS. nothing different than lots of other men wear. He is not the odd man out. He dresses like many men o see...maybe the favtvthat he is skinny makes them look tighter?? Idk

I am not telling him and don't plan to toght now.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 10:56 pm
CatLady wrote:
I don't care if a guy's pants are so tight that you can read the date on the quarter in his pocket - it's extremely rude to comment on it, unless you're the salesman trying to find clothes that fit properly. Even so, the salesman would discreetly bring a size larger and say "Try these".

Black amother, have you seen the pics of men in rompers on Facebook? Now THAT'S wrong!


Exactly...and again he wears regular normal pants.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 10:59 pm
Reality wrote:
OP, was your husband wearing jeans? Yeshivish schools usually have plenty of tolerance for tight pants but none for tight jeans.

No. He doesn't wear jeans. They were pants that were cotton. He likes a more dressy look so they are nice cotton pants. No crazy pockets. Or labels. Or button. PLAIN. BLACK. PANTS.
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amother
Black


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 11:05 pm
Op sorry to upset you. Was just giving my take on super skinny pants. As I said you definitely shouldn't tell him anything. Principals are power hungry, she can be irrationality nuts. You seem sure of yourself, so stop thinking about it. As for the rompers...that's a whole different level of eeeeewwww!
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amother
Wine


 

Post Thu, May 25 2017, 11:06 pm
amother wrote:
Honestly, this has got to be the strangest story I've ever read hear. So let me get this straight - the principle goes waaaay out of line and actually confronts you about your husbands tight pants. They are so inappropriate and he really shouldn't dress like that. Then in the next sentence the principle tells you....but don't tell him. Maybe. I don't want to hurt your shalom bayis. Also, it's strange that when the principle said your dh pants are to tight, you don't respond, no they're not. Instead you just say that he needs it for work. If someone would accuse my dh of wearing tight pants I would either say, none of your business or no they are not tight. Instead you just say that he needs them for work. All while you pay full tuition and had your parents honored. Just wierd.


Excuse me...what would u do if the principal comes to u while with ur dd and starts harassing u? She actually asked me if he needs to dress like "that" for work. And what he does. I didn't get what she was speaking about ...she said the bais yaakov standard...I asked her whats wrong with how he dresses so she tells me colored shirts are ok but they don't like tight pants. I told her he does dirty work a lot (true) and he won't change to dress pants or something. I was pretty confused since it was really random and I was late to work....she first told me to talk to him and I said that he is not gonna change the way he dresses so she said I don't want it between u....and we will have a meeting...then went onto talking about my aunt who pulled her kid out after a similar misunderstanding (her daughter wore leggings to school by mistake. She has a sick baby and he was in the hospital and the nurse dressed her. They made upland everything but my aunt pulled out)

And regarding ur last sentence I mentioned those things to show that she knows me and my family. She accepted me knowing exactly how dh dresses. She looks up to my parents and they have done personal business as well.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Fri, May 26 2017, 12:35 am
I don't know from this sort of thinking at all.

What the?

I'd be pulling my kid out and moving if the values of the school are to criticize somebody else's tznius dress.

This is not Torah.

This is trying to control other people instead of controlling yourself.

I just can't....

I just can't.....

Uugh... I just can't fathom that there are communities like this that are held up as being the epitome of Torah observance.

Hooray for the weird people who observe the Torah but refuse to conform to the dictates of the marauding mobs.

Because with normal being so narrowly defined, there is going to be a h**l of a lot of weird people.
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Goldie613




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 26 2017, 8:27 am
mummiedearest wrote:
actually, I'd have him go in with the kilt and all accessories. won't quite fit in a glove compartment. he can tell the principal that pants were only accepted as men's garb a few centuries ago, and that pants are too modern for him. he considers them untznius, especially that opening between the legs that points to the crotch. in fact, he should tell them that pants should really be worn by women, pants show less on them.

oh, and he should bring a bagpipe with him and play something on it. in the hall. cause it's fun.



Save the bagpipe for the next simcha - he can use it to be mesameach the chasson and kallah :-D

Sigh...OP, I know we are kidding around a bit right now, but I hope you know we are all sympathetic to what you are dealing with Hug
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Jewishmom8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 26 2017, 8:58 am
is there another reason besides this that they would not like you both as parents in the school?
would there be a reason that they would intentionally upset you and make you want to switch schools.
Do they have other problems with how you do other things?
think about it for a while.
be honest with yourself.
I am asking you because I know things like that happen often.


amother wrote:
No. He doesn't wear jeans. They were pants that were cotton. He likes a more dressy look so they are nice cotton pants. No crazy pockets. Or labels. Or button. PLAIN. BLACK. PANTS.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 26 2017, 12:03 pm
amother wrote:
Excuse me...what would u do if the principal comes to u while with ur dd and starts harassing u? ...then went onto talking about my aunt who pulled her kid out after a similar misunderstanding (her daughter wore leggings to school by mistake. She has a sick baby and he was in the hospital and the nurse dressed her. They made upland everything but my aunt pulled out)

.


This is probably most disconcerting of all. You need to let her know as respectfully as possible that you cannot have this kind of discussion in public, definitely not in front of your child. If this continues, you need to talk to an assistant principal, vaad hachinuch...did you say something about her husband as part of the school? Maybe her husband.

And if that doesn't work, if there's a lay board of directors, I guess that's the last resort, but if this school is working for your daughter, I understand your wanting to stay.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Fri, May 26 2017, 1:40 pm
Jewishmom8 wrote:
is there another reason besides this that they would not like you both as parents in the school?
would there be a reason that they would intentionally upset you and make you want to switch schools.
Do they have other problems with how you do other things?
think about it for a while.
be honest with yourself.
I am asking you because I know things like that happen often.




I don't know of any other reasons they wouldn't like us. I am on GREAT terms with all the teachers my daughter has and I have not done anything I can think of.
I actually looked around when taking my daughter this morning. I saw 3 men dressed just like my husband does. I also don't feel it's their business at all.
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