study: its healthy for children to be bored

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Study: its healthy for children to be bored

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amother

Babypink

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 9:35 am

psychologist today say that you are not responsible to keep your kids busy. its healthy for them to be bored. they then figure out how to occupy themselves. we dont need to always find ways to keep them occupied. provide them with toys and let them figure out how to occupy themselves.

yes its healthy for us to play and interact with them. but its not your responsibility to keep them occupied. dont make it your job.

just a frlendly reminder. if your kids say they are bored dont jump in to give them ideas to occupy themselves. they will figure it out. its healthy. if a child cries to you. its healthy. of course find a time to do some quality time otherwise. but then let them figure it out.

quality is not quantity. if you do something one on one its not to occupy but rather to spend quality time. then let them play themselves or figure it out the rest of the time. dont take responsibility for their boredom

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 9:39 am

I've also read that research and I really try hard to live it. I sometimes feel like an anomaly in today's culture...

crust

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 9:51 am

In his book Dont sweat the small stuff, Richard Carlson has an article; its ok to be bored.
Op Do you have a link to that study?

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 9:53 am

I just heard a speach from dr. david lieberman on this from the shabbos keiravtuni. I was so happy to hear from him. hes a genius! hes a straight shooter. clear and great chinuch nuggets.

https://www.keiravtuni.com/lectures/

enjoy! he has humore and so smart.

you can also hear his stuff on torahanytime.com just put in his name in the search engine

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 9:55 am

crust wrote:

In his book Dont sweat the small stuff, Richard Carlson has an article; its ok to be bored.
Op Do you have a link to that study?

no. I would love to see it. maybe on youtube

crust

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

no. I would love to see it. maybe on youtube

I was referring to the study you mentioned. Not the one Richard Carlson is writing about.
Thanks for the link. I listened for few minutes. It sounds intresting. I'll check back later.

yogabird

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 10:07 am

Didn't know we needed research to tell us this, but... What about kids who start climbing the furniture or going at each other, or getting wild and silly when they're bored?

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 10:23 am

Children need to learn that occasional boredom is a reality of life. Its basic chinuch.

trixx

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 10:36 am

yogabird wrote:

Didn't know we needed research to tell us this, but... What about kids who start climbing the furniture or going at each other, or getting wild and silly when they're bored?

In a non Brooklyn world they would be sent outside and told to come in when it gets dark out

I saw something great on Pinterest, a cup filled with popsicle sticks. On each one was written an idea of an activity. So you can tell them to choose a stick if they need an idea.

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 11:41 am

the point of not interfering all the time with our kids is so they figure out how to occupy themselves on their own. they can come up with great ideas if we give them just a couple of stuff. how do you think kids played 70 yrs ago. (like my father) they found stones in the forest. twigs and what not. parents allowed their kids to figure it out. they didnt have fidget spinners and what not.

this is a reminder that my kids have so many toys. yet ds that has adhd cries hes bored. and I am thinking to myself ok. he will figure it out on his own. its ok to be bored.

crust I dont have the study. dr david liberman is a psychologist so I took his word for it. im sure you can find if you do some google research

gp2.0

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 11:56 am

I remember once I went to the Brooklyn Children's Museum and they had an arts and crafts activity. All the parents were literally hovering over the children, telling them how to stick sequins onto paper or even doing it for them.

Meanwhile I stood with my arms folded and watched my daughter do it all on her own. I helped her only once, when she couldn't reach a plate of sequins because the interfering parents kept moving it around before she could get to it.

I almost felt like *I* was the neglectful parent, for standing on the sidelines and not participating in the activity with her. But I knew I'd done the right thing when she was so proud of the craft she'd done all on her own. It was an eye opening experience for me, seeing the extent that helicopter parenting can reach.

gold21

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 12:21 pm

I dunno... Studies come and studies go...

It's hard to say what the right way is to handle bored kids... I'm not sure that there's a right way and a wrong way... Different strokes for different folks...

Fox

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 12:27 pm

yogabird wrote:

Didn't know we needed research to tell us this, but... What about kids who start climbing the furniture or going at each other, or getting wild and silly when they're bored?

That was my first thought. I can hardly think of a baby boomer writer who hasn't reminisced about the benign neglect that characterized parenting in those days.

And unfortunately, the "go outside and stay there until you see fireflies" approach has long fallen out of favor even outside of densely-packed urban neighborhoods. The world isn't necessarily more dangerous, but we know more about the dangers out there.

I do believe, though, that the inabiity to entertain oneself is an unintended consequence of Jewish education. Kids have long school days that are highly structured from a young age -- even more so for boys than girls. Then add in the various therapies that everyone seems to need and/or a lesson or sport . . . well, no wonder they have no idea how to behave when something isn't scheduled.

Obviously, the answer isn't to jettison various subjects to make the school day shorter, nor is it practical or wise to pull kids out of therapy or whatever extracurricular activities they have. I don't really know how you teach someone to occupy his/her time.

My strategy was simply to say repeatedly, "I'm not the cruise director on the ship of life." I don't know that it worked, but it kept them busy trying to decipher my metaphor, and that was good enough on most days.

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 1:42 pm

I don't occupy my children. I don't go "on the floor" (a concept per se on Imamother) unless I feel like that. I show them how to play but don't play with them unless I feel like it. In my world it's still normal. Maybe in 15 years this will be abuse and jail-worthy?

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 1:47 pm

fox I love your sense of humor

PinkFridge

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 3:30 pm

yogabird wrote:

Didn't know we needed research to tell us this, but... What about kids who start climbing the furniture or going at each other, or getting wild and silly when they're bored?

I really can't tell you. My kids know my line, "I'm not your entertainment director." OTOH, I tried. Like during the camp Mommy years we might do an activity and then I'd tell the kids, I don't have to program every minute. That's why we go to the library a few times a week/I go to garage sales, etc.

At least it worked for us way back when.

ETA: Just read fox's post. Baruch shekivanti.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Mon, Jun 12 2017, 3:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

PinkFridge

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 3:34 pm

amother wrote:

Yes and no. Occasionally we'll luck out with an appliance box but we can't expect our kids to operate like their grandparents or greats. (Did you?) I remember in seminary a few decades ago a veteran mechanech saying that when he started teaching, he would teach the sulam to his younger class and slowly stretch his arm back and forth and the kids would be mesmerized, picturing the malachim going up and down. Now, he said, the kids are spoiled from Sesame Street. So kal v'chomer 2017.

But yes, I agree with you.

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