Why ask stupid questions on posts??

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Interesting Discussions

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 11:54 pm

Sometime I see posts that are just questions and maybe they're there to make the poster answer her own original question... or help her work through it and they need more info to be helpful... but when I post anonymously b/c I don't want ppl to work out who I am and am purposely giving a vague situation then I just find pointed questions annoying. I see pointed questions on almost every post and I just feel like 'Work with what she gave you' So many times the answer is irrelevant.
This is a spin off on the 'how to bond with my son learning oot' post. first answer was how old is he? I think its obvious he's between the ages of 9th and 12th grade. I would have mentioned if he was much younger or if the situation was super unusual but its not.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 12:00 am

I asked that stupid question. I was about to answer and then I thought - is he 12? Is he 16? So I thought - I dint know how to answer if I don't know. Or I'll write a whole long answer and then it will be wrong because of an assumption .

Preferable to calling other people's questions stupid, perhaps?

salt

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 12:02 am

amother wrote:

I was going to ask exactly the same question. No way to answer the question without knowing how old he is.
13 is different from 17.
If OP doesn't want to answer or give details then she doesn't have to, but she'll get less guided answers.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 1:44 am

I thought there was no such thing as a stupid question?

Seriously OP, people think differently. Learn to appreciate other people's questions and other people's perspectives. I've seen threads where specific questions and answers changed the whole picture.

Also, not everyone puts in a lot of thought into how they phrase their original question and what details they've included.

OTOH, there are intrusive / yentish questions. Feel free to ignore those.

zaq

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 3:12 am

"Stupid" is giving advice when you have too few facts to give an intelligent answer. In your case OP, your son's age is quite relevant. His name or the name of his elementary school is not.

Quite often imas post questions with minimal background info. Readers respond based on the post only to receive grudging shreds of detail to show why their responses are unsatisfactory. At times the added detail completely reverses the advice given. For example, another might ask how to deal with a neighbor who ____________. After a blizzard of responses, OP reveals that the neighbor is not stam a neighbor but her mother or mil. That might make a wee bit of difference, don't you think?

Sadie

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 3:18 am

This thread and your response in the other thread are gratuitously mean.

imasinger

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 3:46 am

I'm a little confused, OP, as to which question you think is "stupid" -- the one given by an OP expecting a helpful answer when her question is too vague; or the clarifying question asked by people who want to help.

Let's call both "unproductive", rather than "stupid", OK?

In both cases, the problem is the similar -- that a responder will say, "I can't answer that." The OP, for reasons of protecting privacy, and the others, because there is too little information to give meaningful help.

The job of setting up a question in such a way that people can respond is up to the OP. It is also up to the OP to respond nicely to those asking for more information than she wants to give, and tell them that she is not comfortable sharing more. Many times, a poster just didn't happen to mention an important detail, and doesn't mind giving more information. If all responders, erring on the side of sensitivity, just walk away rather than asking for further details, that can leave the OP feeling far more frustrated than an overly intrusive question or two.

Here are the 5 most common decisions I have noticed here.

1. Change some details. Say the kid is in 8th grade, not 9th. Describe the toddler as a girl, not a boy. Say that you live in a different place. Say that you traifed up a fork when it actually was a pie knife.

2. Create an analogy. Your actual problem is that you hate it when people step on your toes on the bus, but you want to keep that private, so you ask how to handle a situation where people are always in your way, like in a crowded shul.

This can sometimes work, but only for the people that come up with a really good analogy.

3. Respond in pm to a person asking a clarifying question, with the thought that they often give helpful advice, and you are comfortable revealing more to them privately than you are posting to the open board.

4. Give enough details, and decide that if someone figures you out, it's worth the risk of receiving good advice.

5. Decide it's not worth the risk, and don't post.

amother

Magenta

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 3:56 am

Op- I'm sorry to say but THIS Rolling Eyes

is a stupid question Rolling Eyes

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 4:14 am

I look at some of these posts as an exercise in judging people favorably.

Some people are:

Young and just married
Sheltered
First baby
First boy in the family
First girl in the family
Came from dysfunctional homes
Scared/confused/lonely

Fill in the blank ___________.

Everyone was like this when they had their first ______. The difference is that a lot of us didn't have the internet back then, or we had good relationships with our mom, a teacher, or a rebbetzin.

Not everyone is so lucky. You should thank Hashem that you are so smart that you already know all the answers. Rolling Eyes

zaq

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 4:23 am

It's a pity OP didn't use her sn. she was just as delightfully gracious and appreciative on the original thread as she was on this one. With her scintillating charm and sunny grattitude (that was a neologism, not a misspelling) she does not deserve to have readers spend their time and energy trying to help her on the matter of her ds or anything else.

OP, won't you tell us your sn? If we knew, we could avoid burdening you with more stupid questions on future threads. And that would make everyone happy.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 5:09 am

Thanks imasinger yes you are right, I should have used 'unproductive' and I actually really appreciate your generous and insightful answer to my very real - yet perhaps wrongly worded - question.
zaq I thought your first answer was actually really good too and had a good point, the second was just attacking which mad you lose credibility. oh well.

zaq

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 5:45 am

amother wrote:

So sorry you feel I'm not credible. I will survive. But you didn't just use poor wording. Both here and on your original thread you were just plain nasty and you know it. You deserved every word.

amother

Teal

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 6:06 am

Age was a relevant and potentially productive question to your op. You seem to have a real chip on your shoulder. To start two threads bashing a post you didn't like on your thread? Oy.

PinkFridge

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 6:13 am

OP, you obviously value the potential advice you get here, so let's all endorse ourselves for that. (You too, I'm sure you've been on the giving end.)

If you ever ask a question again, please just include a P.S. along the lines of "I've thought this situation through well and shared as many details as I want, so please understand that I will not be answering any questions, as helpful as you think the answers may be."

ETA because I'm curious: I didn't see the other thread, but don't you see how different a kid in his first year in high school is from his last?

amother

White

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 6:21 am

amother wrote:

Age was a relevant and potentially productive question to your op. You seem to have a real chip on your shoulder. To start two threads bashing a post you didn't like on your thread? Oy.

Seriously. And the post she's harping on isn't that bad! Like I get what she's saying, sometimes you see a post and it's like, really, was that necessary? So not helpful to OP. I posted recently about a situation that was not so black-and-white but very hurtful and I got a dumb response that hurt and I truly don't get why they felt the need to say it, but whatever, that's the interwebs for you. But seriously? Asking the age of a child before giving advice about the child? Um, yeah, age is pretty darn relevant. I mean, 16 versus 17 might not be, but 13 vs 16 certainly is. And 2 vs 3 definitely makes a difference. If you're going to complain about stupid questions, at give an example of an actually stupid question!

agreer

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 3:45 pm

Yep, OP. I'm also going to call you out under my own screen name.

The "offender" from the other thread was just trying to help. Perhaps it helped her to have a clearer picture of whether it was a younger or older child.

Your response there and this thread here are really, really mean. I don't know if it's reportable, but I do know that it's mean.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 3:54 pm

amother wrote:

...
This is a spin off on the 'how to bond with my son learning oot' post. first answer was how old is he? I think its obvious he's between the ages of 9th and 12th grade. I would have mentioned if he was much younger or if the situation was super unusual but its not.

Perhaps to you, but not for all of us.

Page 1 of 1