...the people who don't like you, will demonize you.

amother

Sun, Jul 22 2007, 8:20 am

True or false?
It all boils down to, no matter what you do, the people who like you will judge you with a forgiving eye, the people who don't like you, will demonize you.

(....I live in the center of BP and I had a neighbor who once took a shower and let a 2 yr old play outside in the meantime. She habitually let her very young kids play alone in the front of the house, as long as it was daylight. A frum woman found the child across the street and asked neigbors whose child this is. They told her. She knocked on the door and found that the mother had no idea the child had crossed the street. BTW this mother is one of those VERY KNOWN and likeable people in BP. The whole BP knows her. No one in BP would ever say a bad word about her.
It all boils down to, no matter what you do, the people who like you will judge you with a forgiving eye, the people who don't like you, will demonize you.
As far as what happens to our children, after the best Hishtadlus, it's all Bashert. Very often careless parents get away with MURDER, their children grow up beautifully, and careful parents have freaky tragedies!)

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 23 2007, 6:57 am

There are some people who always extend themselves to others and are friendly and available and involved. Because they are so interested in others, when they need a hand, they get people coming to them in droves.
Then there are those who when asked to help out someone else, whine about how busy and overwhelmed they are. When they need help and they don't get what they expected, they get angry and even whinier. Then they are irritating and people avoid them.
I paid a shiva visit yesterday to a family who had lost an elderly mother. The house was a mob scene because the nifteres had been a macher in every cause, brought cookies to newcomers, had a friendly word for everyone she saw, etc.

lubcoralsprings

Mon, Jul 23 2007, 8:45 am

southernbubby wrote:

That's very true. People who don't help out have to realize that when they need help people won't give it to them. That's just the way life is.

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2007, 8:49 am

southernbubby wrote:

I paid a shiva visit yesterday to a family who had lost an elderly mother. The house was a mob scene because the nifteres had been a macher in every cause, brought cookies to newcomers, had a friendly word for everyone she saw, etc.

I am so envious of "Out of Towners", where people can be friendly with others , even if they're not the same type, level of religion, socioeconomic level, or family background without it being looked down upon or just not reciprocated or appreciated.

I know I'll get attacked, but how many people in certain parts of Brooklyn, are interested in the warmth, friendship, interest, and good wishes of people outside their type?

Think. If I'm not 100% accurate in describing the situation , I'm at least 75% accurate.

amother

Mon, Jul 23 2007, 6:51 pm

I live in Brooklyn (crown heights) - surrounded by frum poeple... other young mothers like myself and I am so incredibly lonely.... everyone has their friends from when they where back in kindergarten and a mother living a few blocks away. and I didn't grow up here... don't have any family here and I take my baby to the park or walk down the street doing errands and feel like crying...

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 23 2007, 6:53 pm

amother wrote:

(((hugs)))

chocolate moose

Tue, Jul 24 2007, 7:03 am

Call you block mashpia and tell her you don't know anyone. At least get introduced to the women in you building/block and work from there.

Attend the shiurim you see advertised and the other events if you can afford them. Say hello in the stores and park when you see the same ppl. Have your husband invite the ppl he knows and likes from shul for Shabbos.

Volunteer if you are up to it, for the various mosdos around - cooking for newborn families, etc.

southernbubby

Tue, Jul 24 2007, 6:24 pm

It does sound like you have at least teamed up with other mothers who don't have family in CH. We have been in Detroit for 17 years and to the older crowd, we are still newcomers. BH we do have good friends here and are involved in many activities but here in Detroit one can be a big fish in a small sea.
In CH, there are many more people and usually the cogs in the wheels are people who have been there longer. Probably like CM said, going to shiurim and joining organizations could get you involved with some people. I have seen some long time CHers "adopt" new families so spread the word that you are up for adoption.

happymom

Tue, Jul 24 2007, 6:58 pm

Quote:

thats so sad! I feel for u! well I love in crown heights too, you can get together with me if ud like Wink

btw there are plenty of ppl who live in crown heingts who arent like that. yes most are out of towners (like me) but some arent. I always say hi tp people and smile at other mothers in the park etc... if they ignore me well then oh well, they are rude or not firnedly, shy, whatever. but that doesnt stop me from acting polite.

happyone

Tue, Jul 24 2007, 7:19 pm

Your statement is oh so true. We are the same way. If we hear lashon harah about a friend or someone we like, we go out of our way to be them dan lekaf zchus. When it's about someone we don't like, we believe it. Sad, but true.

amother

Tue, Jul 24 2007, 7:24 pm

southernbubby wrote:

In CH, there are many more people and usually the cogs in the wheels are people who have been there longer.

It's amazing that with the differences between different neighborhoods, they're more alike than different.

Do "cogs in the wheels"= the movers and shakers Askonim?

"Cogs in the wheels" are not always the people there longest. It's the Machers of the largest group presently found in any neighborhood.

As far as the length of time you're in a neighborhood, the Indians were in America way before the others arrived, and today they're no "cogs in the wheels" anymore!

Same for BP: The "cogs in the wheels" used to be the old-time Americans, until the "Greena" arrived, and the "Greena" Frum people became the "cogs in the wheels". As time passed the "cogs in the wheels" are now Chassidish people, and not the Litvishe that used to predominate.