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When to tell scared daughter about upcoming checkup



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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 5:13 pm
Hi! I have a 4 year old daughter who is absolutely the worst at the dr. Like really bad. She would just scream on top of her lungs and hit and throw tantrums galore when we have to go even if it's just to check her ears. It's mortifying. I have a checkup for her and my 2 yeR old tomorrow. I want to know when u think I should tell her about it (she will scream nonstop from when she hears we are going) Morning of? Not till we get there? And how should I tell her abou it? Thanks!
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 5:25 pm
I say tell her soon. Talk about every part of it, what she doesn't like, what may be scary, what she does like a little...
Listen a lot.
come up with a plan for not screaming. Prepare prizes for each level of behavior and cooperation. Meaning, bribe like there's no tomorrow.
Leave your embarrassment in the next county.
Maybe you can ask her why she doesn't like going before you tell her the plans.
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chanitroy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 5:30 pm
Your best bet is to prepare her now, allow her to scream, Then calm her down and discuss with her.. Hopefully by the time you are actually going she wont start screaming again. Kids need to learn resilience. As I learned from sara chana Radcliffe. The only way they build resilience is by us not giving in, and supporting them through disappointment. This is important for far greater hardships that they will encounter in their adult lives. Good luck!
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 6:11 pm
Hope you find these helpful

https://www.handinhandparentin.....play/

https://www.handinhandparentin.....blic/
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 6:44 pm
Yeah, I agree should prepare her for it. Tell her exactly what will happen that day & why need to do it. If you let her watch videos, I'd recommend this berenstain bears one-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxhCuth_ggI
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 6:46 pm
Maybe actually as part of the preparation (before you tell her she has a dr appt tomorrow) tell her a bedtime story about a girl who was scared to go to the doctor and make up a story about why she was scared & then what helped her & how it ends up well.
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esuss




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:37 pm
I would get her a doctor kit to use on her dolls or teddy bear first and then you should allow her to give you a checkup.
My kids would use it to act out their feelings re/ doctors visits before and after each visit. I only allow them to check each other over their clothes.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 3:41 pm
My dd is 4. She used to have major doctor phobia.

Prepare her. Springing it suddenly each time will only make each next time worse for her, because it always comes out of the blue and she won't have the time to process it in order to deal with it. Be prepared for her to scream when you tell her, and again when you take her. Eventually, it will lessen.

I role play doctor with my daughter before hand, where first I check the doll, then I let her check the doll, then I let her check me, then I check her.

I have even brought the doll and the toy doctors kit to the doctor with us. I've had the doctor check me, then have the doctor check her doll, and I've even had her check the doctor.

I also find it's best to tell her directly if there will be a little pain or discomfort, but it will only last until we count to 5 (or 10 or 20 or whatever) - knowing what to expect and how long it will last is crucial. My daughter actually deals better when I tell her it will hurt a little but be over quickly, then if the pain is a surprise.

I always assure her (in advance, and then again at the time) that it's ok if she is scared and that we need to be brave - being brave doesn't mean she isn't scared, it just means that she can get through it. And there will always be a prize at the end, and when she gets the prize, I tell her that the prize was for her being brave, because she got checked anyway. And I said this even if she screamed her head off the whole time, because I was praising her for getting through it, and each time I told her that she was brave and that every time she is brave, she can get thought it a little calmer next time. The reward was for getting through it, and each time she got through it a little better. Stickers worked best, because then every place we'd go later that day, I would say - look at my daughter's sticker she got that for learning to be brave at the doctor, and I'd tell her that when she got to school, she should show her teacher and tell her teacher she is learning to be brave. She felt good about the idea of being brave, and it really helped.

I also added the bravery bit to our role play (see above). I even pretended to cry and scream when she checked me, and she told me to be brave. Then we did it again, and and I told her I was very scared but I would try to get through it and told her I was very scared the whole time but didn't 'scream and cry'. Or I had her doll act this out.

I also brainstormed with her ahead of time each time (and reminded her at the appointment) of what she ould want to do if she's feeling scared - sit on my lap while being checked? squeeze my hand? hold a favorite toy? etc. This helped somewhat as well, though she was too hysterical the first few times for it to be useful, but persist and it sinks in.

Essentially, we spend several months working on it, and now she laughs when the doctor looks in her ears, and doesn't even protest getting a throat culture, she just marches her little self up to the secretary after and says - I was brave so I can I get 2 stickers?
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shnitzel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 7:22 pm
It really depends on the kid. I have one who used role playing doctor and reading books. My other daughter would just get more and more anxious when we talked about it and I realized feeling like she needed to prepare was just torturing her poor soul. I started telling her as we reached the doctor's door and it was so much better. Her anxiety was mostly in anticipation of the event and if she didn't need to anticipate she wasn't anxious. I think torturing a four year old with anxiety to make them tougher is horribly cruel, four is a terribly anxious age.

And that anxious child is now 8 and I have helped her find tools to deal with anxious feeling using mindfulness not leaving her to experience terror without tools but I don't think she was quite ready for that 4.
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