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Accidents only at home - behavior??



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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Jun 27 2017, 9:18 pm
Hi I posted about my son before pesach I believe. Based on that and the accidents he was having both at home and in school (and that it was about to be pesach and we were traveling!!), I put him back in diapers and then trained again about 2 weeks after getting back to town after pesach.

He had a transition time and then he was doing well, at home and at school. Then he started having accidents again at school and at home. Then he stopped accidents at school, but continued at home. Now in camp he is bah doing well there, but still has accidents at home. It is pretty clear it is only at home. When we got out I always take extra clothes for him... and lately, I never need it! He stays dry and uses the bathrooms where we go and does fine in the car (BAH!!!), but then we get home and he has 2 accidents... sometimes just one, but sometimes 3! In just a few hours left in the day.

Since he is so clearly just doing it at home, I am thinking this is behavior.
Does he need more attention? I try to do that, but I have several loads on my mind now and I get overwhelmed and I could definately not be giving enough...
Other than attn, what else?
If it's behavior, we usually ignore it, right? But I can't ignore an accident. I have to open the washing machine so he can put his wet clothes in and then tell him to go make more (he won't go unless I make sure). I try to stay calm, but I can't just ignore it and let him walk around wet like we might do with other behaviors.

HELP!
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 9:19 am
BUMP
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LuckyMum




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 10:00 am
I wish I had some advice for you. My son is doing this from day 1 - we trained, he was perfect in school and outside right away. It is now a few months later, and he is still having accidents constantly only at home. I'm hoping someone has some good insight or advice on how to deal with this.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 10:09 am
does he only wet himself? or also soils himself? if its only wet I would take him to pediatrician to make sure that the remote chance he has a urine infection and be tested. if its behavior which sounds like to me. just tell him calmly that its his responsiblity to be dry and you wont say anything to him. remind him to go once in a while and dont get into a panic dont yell or get angry with him. make it a none issue. the more upset you get with him the less he will take responsibility. ds does exactly this. he has adhd so this is connected. he is so occupied he doesnt concentrate. but then working with a psycholoigist we realized that the more responsibility I gave him and the less comments I made he would take more responsiblity.

and for the record boys do tend to leak a little and get a little wet. its normal.

very wet means hes not going and not taking responsiblity. this is all based on my experience as I have had to deal with soiling (encopresis) in a pretty severe form. ds is 8. I have been to the biggest professionals in this so im telling you my experience.

some doctors say that biofeedback work. I dont see how it does its mainly behavioral. unless your child has some diagnosis like autism then its all in how we relate to them. if he wets himslef in the car then put a plastic underneath him so your car doesnt smell. he will eventually get the responsibility part if you dont say anything to him.

ive heard this from so many therapists and psychologists that yelling at them or getting upset really to these children makes them be less responsible and they wet even more. not consiously but subconsiously. so hatzlacha and I hope this helps you.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 10:11 am
I posted the last long post cause I feel that my experience if it helps even one person then I havent suffered in vain. I hope this was helpful
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:06 pm
yes he will make wet and dirty accidents. When I am with him in public he asks to use the bathroom and stays dry and clean, so he takes responsibility there.

I am not sure what to do differently at home - never remind him to go? When I am busy and don't remind him, that is when he has the accidents.

I don't usually get too upset about it.

Still confused.
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amother
Sapphire


 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 9:37 pm
I don't have any experience with kids having accidents at home but not outside the home (in my limited experience, I've had the opposite problem), but nevertheless, two points:

1. How often is he going outside the home? Maybe he's holding it in to some extent and that's why he has less control at home? In other words, maybe it's not behavioral at home?

2. The How to talk so your kids will listen for young kids book has a few fantastic examples of doing problem-solving with kids who are having trouble being potty-trained. So sitting the kid down, discussing the problem (I.e. "you keep having accidents at home. then you get wet and dirty and yucky and I'm not happy and you're not happy. What kind of solutions can we think of together?"). Write down any and all solutions the two of you come up with (I.e. wear diapers all the time. Mommy will remind son every 20 min. Mommy will buy son potty reminder watch to remind him to go. Son will clean up his own accidents. etc.) and then go through the solutions together to find one that you both like. This way, you win some buy-in/responsibility on his side for the problem. If your solution doesn't work after a day or two, sit down together and try to problem-solve again.

Dunno if this will help at all, but good luck.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 9:42 pm
no is 3.5 and he was a preemie and you cannot hold such a conversation with him. I gave him longer before trying to train him due his prematurity etc. He is doing ok out of the house, so he is ready, but something is going on.

He also cannot clean up his own accidents.

But maybe I will set an alarm clock to go off every 45 minutes and he hopefully will go when it goes off... I can try that.

I have to buy an extra alarm clock...
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simcha2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 28 2017, 11:38 pm
Is he having accidents in the morning at home or only after camp?

If it is the afternoon only maybe he is tired then and it is harder for him.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Thu, Jun 29 2017, 12:55 pm
simcha2 wrote:
Is he having accidents in the morning at home or only after camp?

If it is the afternoon only maybe he is tired then and it is harder for him.


Yes, usually after camp or school. But he also had 2 shabbos morning.

I did think of the tired idea. he won't nap and he won't go to sleep earlier bc it is so light and he wants his brother in the room with him too. Even at 730 or 8 I know they stay up bc the room is so light. (we had dark shades but they tore).

So what would I do?
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sun, Jul 02 2017, 8:29 am
My daughter had something similar this past year (age 3.5-4). We made charts in which she got a prize for being dry - one prize at the end of the morning before school, and one prize when she went to bed for the time after school. We had to try several prizes before we found one that worked - ice cream was the only thing that worked in our case. We also for a little while gave a chocolate chip every time she used the toilet, to make that more attractive. With time, we cut out the chocolate chips, then we cut don from 2 prizes a day to 1 prize a day, etc. Took a few months, but now she is completely dry all the time, everywhere.

Also, lots of reminding to go to the bathroom - once an hour and/or before the start of any activity that will be hard for her to interrupt (sitting down with play doh for 2-0 minutes, a tv show, going out obviously).
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amother
Beige


 

Post Sun, Jul 02 2017, 8:51 am
Your story is a very familiar one, I have two students actually they were girls that did the same exact thing. both of them had moved from different countries and moved to the US. in school they also did not have accidents and at home they did. what I discovered was that there were things going on at home due to the move that caused them to do this. I found that the mother's were adjusting themselves to the move which caused the kid anxiety too.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Sun, Jul 02 2017, 11:30 am
OP here.

Yes, there is stress at home. so what do I do for him, then? We are doing the best we can with the rest of the situation.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Jul 04 2017, 2:05 pm
OP

He has kah been doing better. He has had pretty few accidents the last several days... but I know the roller coaster might not be over...

I never gave my kids toilet treats for this long... but he is different. I know this is a while off bc we have to maintain how he is now, but how will I - eventually- get him off the treats?? I don't want to risk accidents.
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naomi2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 04 2017, 5:48 pm
I see someone posted the same thing I thought of but I'm going to second the idea that he is reacting subconciously to the stress at home. It's obviously causing him distress. Bribing him might help the accidents but won't help him sort through his feelings about your home situation. I would address that issue with an appropriate professional and hope that the accidents clear up.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Jul 04 2017, 8:41 pm
I asked the first person who mentioned stress what to do about that. If I could make the stress go away, I would... but I didn't get any responses to that question.

You say the "appropriate professional" - who would that be? He is a bit behind developmentally and won't have a broad conversation with a stranger... Not sure how that would really help.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Jul 04 2017, 8:53 pm
oh, and yes, I do work and yes, DH helps, but his schedule doesn't allow for nearly enough helping.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Tue, Jul 04 2017, 11:47 pm
amother wrote:
very wet means hes not going and not taking responsiblity. this is all based on my experience as I have had to deal with soiling (encopresis) in a pretty severe form. ds is 8. I have been to the biggest professionals in this so im telling you my experience.


I just want to let you know my experience with this:
We went to "big professionals" too because my ds was having accidents still at age 7 and they suggested to put him on laxitives for months! We ended up discovering that when he avoided a certain food, his diarrhea accidents "Magically" disappered. No doctor suggested that it could be food related!
Regarding his wet accidents, we had to remind him to go to the bathroom often. He's bli ayin horah doing MUCH better but it took a lot of time and reminders.

I have another son (preschooler) who is having many wet accidents in the house, but can stay dry for naps and when outdoors. We are still working with him, but initially he had to be brought to the bathroom often, and as he's getting better, he still needs a lot of reminders.
We gave him chocolate chips each time he made on the potty at first.
I think I have to go to prize charts now to keep him going.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Jul 04 2017, 11:52 pm
amother wrote:
I just want to let you know my experience with this:
We went to "big professionals" too because my ds was having accidents still at age 7 and they suggested to put him on laxitives for months! We ended up discovering that when he avoided a certain food, his diarrhea accidents "Magically" disappered. No doctor suggested that it could be food related!
Regarding his wet accidents, we had to remind him to go to the bathroom often. He's bli ayin horah doing MUCH better but it took a lot of time and reminders.

I have another son (preschooler) who is having many wet accidents in the house, but can stay dry for naps and when outdoors. We are still working with him, but initially he had to be brought to the bathroom often, and as he's getting better, he still needs a lot of reminders.
We gave him chocolate chips each time he made on the potty at first.
I think I have to go to prize charts now to keep him going.


thanks for sharing this. BH dirty accidents are much more rare now. Even wet he doing well with bah, but I realize this might just be a stage now... we will see!!
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