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Honoring family



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amother
Smokey


 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 3:36 pm
Changing the specific names/details to preserve anonymity, but the question is still the same:

I'm trying to figure out how our naming decisions will impact our families. For example, if we name our baby after two grandparents but also add a 3rd name (not my favorite idea but it's also not my favorite idea to make either of the grandparents' names the baby's first name), is that an honor or an insult? For example, let's say DH's grandfather's name was Shlomo and my grandfather's name was Yitzchak, and while they're both fine names (both of the actual family members' names are good names but hard to manage in the US where we live) we'd rather call our baby by a name we really love, for instance David. Is it reasonable and respectful to name the baby David Shlomo Yitzchak and then just call him David?

Thankfully our families are not pushing their name preferences and will most likely not be offended by any naming choice we make, at least they wouldn't tell us if they were. But I still want to be sensitive to their feelings and not disappoint anyone. Thoughts, anyone?

Oh, and as an aside, it would be very meaningful to me to name for both of these family members. It's just that I have another name in mind that I think has a nicer sound and works better in the US, and I like it a lot more in general. I worry about regretting the decision either way. DH doesn't have strong feelings about it one way or the other, except that he wants to make his family member's name part of the baby's name. He doesn't care if it's a first, middle, or third name though. He thinks it's irrelevant if the secular world can pronounce the name (I think it's important).
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justmarried:)




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 3:47 pm
I'm really not a fan on giving children three names. Think it's a lot. Even if they are just called by the first name. I don't get what you mean by a manageable name in the US. For example both the names you said have English names. It's nice to make after grandparents and I'm sure your family will appreciate it.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 3:53 pm
I mean names with a "ch" are difficult for people to pronounce in the US. Or a name like Betzalel that's just unfamiliar to most Americans. The names I mentioned are all just examples.
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justmarried:)




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 4:40 pm
Name whatever you name you feel comfortable with and like.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 4:43 pm
With our first we did similar- named after two grandfathers and named a third name too, but we call him one of the grandfathers names.
Our parents (and grandmother, wife of one of the grandfathers whose name we used) were honored and touched by our choice of names.
However we probably won't do three names again; it's a bit much.
With our next child, we did just two names.
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chicco




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 5:12 pm
So I may be the wrong person to ask because I don't really understand the idea of naming for someone and then not using the name. But I replied to offer a possible alternative or two.

1. Choose one grandfather to name after and put it with the name you like. Save the other one for next time iyh.

2. Be very creative. Combine both grandfathers' names to make a new one, use names that you like that correspond to middos they had. Use the actual name Abba to give them a nod. Something.

I don't know. I just feel like it's not worth saddling a child with 3 names to potentially make someone happy.

Either way, bshaa tova or mazel tov (not sure if the baby has been born yet) and good luck!

P.s. If it's any conciliation, whatever you choose will turn out to be exactly right.
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chicco




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 5:14 pm
I thought of one more option. Give the kid the 2 grandfather names as his Hebrew name, and use the name you like as his legal name. Then call him what you like.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 8:38 pm
You have the ruach hakodesh. Name how you like.
I'm not into combining two different people, from two different sides. If say, there was a name of someone who died young so the parent want to add another name (which could mean third name) I'd choose someone directly related to that first person, or a segula name like Chaya or Chaim.
Just my opinion.
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agreer




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 9:57 pm
chicco wrote:
I thought of one more option. Give the kid the 2 grandfather names as his Hebrew name, and use the name you like as his legal name. Then call him what you like.


I was going to suggest this!

As long as you name after family, adding a name you like shouldn't be an insult. But I also think 3 names is way too much for anyone.
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 06 2017, 11:51 pm
How about if you take the initials of the grandfathers - in your example ש and י
That is the name Shai and then add David to it
A nice name that can work for all. Obviously won't work with all names but try to figure that out ! Also don't know if your planning on having more kids. You can always leave a name for the next one in your family.
But no matter what you decide now , when you see your baby you may just change your mind and come up with a different name totally.
BShaah Tova
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 07 2017, 8:06 am
"Saddling"? woah.
3 is so normal. Much more than 1, if you ask me. It's not even like you have to tell people all your names if you don't want except to go on the Torah (boy).
My kids BH have many names, because we are rich in family and history. But again we French BH don't look down on it. Yet again, 3 is more common than 1. You can have 4, 5... in France, but also among Italian Jews and some chassidim. Don't see bad everywhere, OP. 3 is totally ok. http://kevarim.com/rebbe-bentz.....rsky/
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Sat, Jul 08 2017, 3:38 pm
How each member of your family will feel is actually very individual. Here are some feelings from our family:
1) It only counts if you use the exact name in the exact order in the exact language with no names added or taken away (e.g. Michoel Bunim Simcha after Michoel Bunim Simcha)
2) It's really nice as long as you use the person's actual name in there somewhere (e.g. Aliza Rivka after Rivka Raiza)
3) It's really nice if you use some version of the name (e.g. Tova after Gittel)
4) It's really nice even if it only sounds like the name or is a related version of the name or has a similar meaning, as long as it's the same gender (e.g. Renana after Rena)
5) It's nice as long is it is related or sounds like or has a similar meaning, even if a different gender (e.g. Avital after Avraham)
6) It's great as long is it starts with the same letter (e.g. Talia after Tova)
7) It's great as long as it's in the spirit of the person (e.g. Shalom Simcha after Mendel who had a knack for bringing peace and happiness everywhere he went)
8) Do whatever you want, it's none of our business.

You get the picture. When we named out daughter, although no one told us directly, I know that the family's reactions spanned all of these categories. Some thought what we did was amazing, and some thought we hadn't honored the deceased at all. The bottom line for us though is that we feel like we named our daughter after a deceased relative that we loved in a way that we feel honors her as a person. A few years down the line, I have no regrets.
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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 09 2017, 4:43 am
My sister asked a big Rav recently and was told that if you add a name or name the baby a slightly different name than what was actually the person's name, it has no actual connection to the person you are naming after.
So, the question is what matters to you.
Do you want to name specifically for someone or are you just naming that name because you want to make your family happy. If your answer is the latter, know that you are not really naming for that person but if it makes them happy, it's nice for the shalom.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 09 2017, 6:16 am
I also asked and was told you can totally name after several and it counts. So? Ask a shaila, or don't.
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