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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
If your conversing with people in a circle...



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amother
Yellow


 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 10:04 am
Now in the nice weather I'm often outside with my neighbors while we all watch our kids. Usually when someone pulls up a chair, we'll move over to make room so she can join the conversation, face everyone, etc. it's a casual informal setting. Not necessarily in a circle just everyone kind of facing each other.

Once we were sitting around and someone joined us. She picked up her chair and plunked it in front of mine, with her back to me, facing everyone. (There was an empty spot next to me, don't know why she did that). Joined the discussion, didn't look back, whatever. I didn't say anything just waited a few minutes then got up and sat someplace else.

I thought it was rude, but I'm not the confrontational type so didn't want to say, "hey can u move over please? "
Wwyd without sounding like that type of person who points out when someone does something wrong? Hate doing that...
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 10:07 am
She sounds like a moron.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 10:15 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
She sounds like a moron.


"Socially awkward" would be a more accurate term, whether or not she is actually on the spectrum.
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Mommastuff




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 10:47 am
I would've made a sarcastic/funny comment about her back to her (funny to her)
youre better than me!
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 10:52 am
I don't see anything confrontational with nicely asking "Do you mind moving your chair over a bit? Thanks."
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HeartyAppetite




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 11:05 am
I would say, you know you're not made of glass, right?
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 11:37 am
I recently had a person sitting next to me at a table with her back completely turned to me. I couldn't take part in the discussion for the entire meal. (I was not so interested anyhow, but talking from her part.)
Towards the end, she realized how she was sitting, so she turns around and sais; Oh. I sat like this the whole time! You couldn't see anyone! You couldn't hear anyone.
Counter to my natural self who would say; 'it's ok. I am fine'. I said; it's ok. You can still do tshuvah.
She repeated herself, but I didn't give in to my usual 'it's ok -I'm ok -you're ok -everything is ok'.... I simply repeated softly; 'you can still turn around now, and let me see and hear everyone'.

Good luck OP in finding your voice. You count.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 6:18 pm
yeah start talking about her back ... good one Mommastuff

I wonder what's crawling in that wig ... how can ketchup get on the back of your shirt ... might one of us be invisible

but that's a tad passive aggressive if you're not a joker ... so tap her on the shoulder & tell her to kindly not sit right in front of your face
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 6:43 pm
Your mitzvah is to be DLKZ.

So- assume she doesn't realize (maybe she IS on the spectrum, don't be mean, Hashem made her that way), and it is an accident/oversight /unintentional.

Don't waffle about her back, not being made of glass etc, because if she was unaware enough to do it in the first place, she may not understand what are going on about.

Simple and direct is the best response IMHO.

"hey Rochel, sorry I can't see what's going on when you sit there. Let me help you move your chair over".

OR- move your own chair.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:46 pm
zaq wrote:
"Socially awkward" would be a more accurate term, whether or not she is actually on the spectrum.


I was thinking more likely plain rude, but maybe youre right.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:47 pm
mommy3b2c wrote:
I was thinking more likely plain rude.


There is that.
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fraimal




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 9:52 pm
When I was in camp a few years ago, our counselors taught us a concept called "make room for Sushy" meaning that if we are ever sitting in a circle shmoozong, we Shud always leave an empty spot in the circle so no one wud feel uncomfortable to sit down and join in. And if someone else sat down than we'd still make sure to leave another empty spot. It's such a simple yet powerful concept because it works! And it became so ingrained in us that it was done automatically! I still do it when I sit with my neighbors. It's such a great way to teach social skills to children....and it avoids a shy neighbor having to uncomfortablly ask everyone to make room for her in the circle!
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 9:57 pm
fraimal wrote:
When I was in camp a few years ago, our counselors taught us a concept called "make room for Sushy" meaning that if we are ever sitting in a circle shmoozong, we Shud always leave an empty spot in the circle so no one wud feel uncomfortable to sit down and join in. And if someone else sat down than we'd still make sure to leave another empty spot. It's such a simple yet powerful concept because it works! And it became so ingrained in us that it was done automatically! I still do it when I sit with my neighbors. It's such a great way to teach social skills to children....and it avoids a shy neighbor having to uncomfortablly ask everyone to make room for her in the circle!


Love this.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Tue, Jul 11 2017, 10:01 pm
Me too. If you are extra socially clued in you do this and it makes it easier fur those of us who find it harder. Brilliant.
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