Holding back in kindergarten vs. pre1-a...

amother

Gray

Wed, Jul 19 2017, 11:15 pm

Kindergarten (4's) is a great year to repeat. There is a lot of fun learning happening. Giving a child another year of kindergarten to grow and mature a bit is a gift. The child is younger and doesn't feel badly about being "left back. By the time kids graduate pre1a they know first grade is next and holding a child back at that point is more challenging than when they were younger. So most people won't hold back at that point unless their child is very far behind. The end result at that point is that either a child really struggled though all the formal learning in pre1a and now has to do it again or the child continues on and continues to struggle until they mature and catch up.
I haven't met anyone who regretted holding back (and kindergarten definitely preferable to pre1a). But have met people who regretted not holding back.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 19 2017, 11:26 pm

These days everyone has a fear of their kid being the youngest and holds back. All december kids hold back and then november becomes the youngest so all november kids get held back etc. A friend of mine had a kid in pre1a who was a december birthday and the rebbe kept complaining that he was the most immature kid in the class and he doesnt belong. My friend got a hold of the class birthday list and saw that the second youngest kid was an august birthday. Of course her son was the most immature there were no sept oct nov or dec kid to fill in the gap. She ended up pushing him back because based on kids birthdays he really did belong in the younger class but based on schools deadlines he belonged in older class.
I dont know anyone who regretted holding back kindergarden but I do know some who regretted pre 1a. One person ended up skipping her son second grade to fix the mistake. Hatzloch with ur decision.

yehudis1056

Thu, Jul 20 2017, 12:07 am

What exactly is giving you the feeling that she should be held back? Is it academic? Behavioral? If her teacher says she's fine and the school doesn't think it's a problem why leave her back? It's not such a big deal to repeat kindergarten in the long run at all but you have to understand that it will b hard for her to repeat as opposed to moving forward with her friends at least initially. It's not something I would do without a good reason. if it's an acedemic issue maybe get an evaluation from a professional and see what they would recommend. If it's a maturity issue see how she interacts with her peers. If she's able to keep up and can hold her own then you shouldn't be concerned.

amother

Tan

Thu, Jul 20 2017, 8:55 am

I have a late December child that I held back due to significant delay with speech and social-emotional (cognitively he's fine). I had him repeat 4 y/o class, but also b/c he was in a special-ed preschool for the 4 y/o year and then I put him in a Jewish preschool. I believe it was the right decision in my case. It wasn't his birthday, per se, that made me do it but the combination of the birthday and the other delays. However, holding back "just because" I think does more harm than good. Children often mature a lot over the summer. There are a lot of studies that show how students who find out that they were arbitrarily made to stay an extra year in school end up getting resentful and do worse off academically. My child just noticed that "Hey December comes at the end of the year" and I notice that he doesn't really have many friends in his class--and I notice how many of them are at the opposite end of the year. In NY many parents do not have many options if they want to repeat 4 y/o b/c of UPK, so they are putting the Oct/Nov/Dec into Pre-1a.

amother

Silver

Thu, Jul 20 2017, 10:03 am

I was born on the cut-off date. I was always at the top of my class without trying very hard, and graduated in the top 5 of my specialized academic high school. I was also miserable. I was small. I was mature for my age, but I was a year younger than many of the other kids. I wanted to play with dolls while the other girls were dreaming about boys. I would have been 1000 times better off had I been held back.

My sister faced that issue with 2 of her kids. One was born on the cutoff date. She held her back; my niece was not only a top student, she was happy and popular. She's now in medical school. The other was born a month before the cutoff. She held him back as well, and he's doing great at a top college.

You need to think not only about today, but about how your child will be in 5 years, in terms of maturity. There's no crystal ball, but do your best.

yehudis1056

Thu, Jul 20 2017, 11:02 am

[quote="amother"]Op here. Yehudis, to answer your question, my daughter seems to not be so confident, even though at home and with neighbors and family she is miss confident. Maybe she feels intimidated? She also doesn't grasp new concepts very quickly. But maybe that's totally ok."

I work in the preschool of a large bais Yaakov and I very often advocate to hold children who are very near the cut off back. I recommend this when 1. a child is falling behind academically. For example, doesn't know age appropriate information such as doesn't know the aleph bais/ ABC; math concepts like counting etc when her classmates all do.
2. When a child is not acting in an age appropriate manner such as not following more sophisticated levels of play, crying very often, not making friends due to immaturity.

From what you wrote it seems like your daughter is really ok and it sounds like her teacher agrees. Many kids are not as confident in school as they are at home. And many children have trouble grasping new concepts initially. These are things that may or may not change on their own with age and holding back a year may not accomplish anything. Obviously I don't know your daughter so pls don't take this as a psak Wink

get an evaluation and see if the evaluator feels that there will be a benefit to repeating kindergarten. If so then to answer your original question, yes it is better to repeat k than Pre1a BUT worst comes to worse your daughter will be just fine if you decide to hold her back next year instead. It will be harder socially at first but with time she will be ok. Good luck!

amother

Khaki

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 6:45 am

We just had to make this decision for our daughter, also age 4.

After talking to a lot of people (a few preschool teachers, OT, other mothers who have done similar), here are the relevant issues:
1) Social/emotional skills - if your child is not up to speed with these on an age appropirate level at least, it's better not to have them be the youngest.
2) Intellectual abilities - there is more learning in pre-1a, so you need to make sure that your child can grasp complex ideas fast enough to keep up with her peers and the class. In addition to that, if they will start learning to read in pre-1a, reading readiness is crucial. Some 4-5 year olds are not ready to read, others are, and this actually has nothing to do with intelligence. But if they are not ready and they will have learn to read (especially if it's in 2 languages), it could be a really bad for them (I speak from personal experience), then you don't want pre-1a this year.
3) Motor skills - this is important if they are going to be learning to write, and possibly if they are going to be doing complex projects. If there is a heavy focus on writing, then even if the child's motor skills are a little under average, it may not be enough. Reasonable pencil grip at minimum is needed, as well as enough stamina to color/cut/write for more than a few minutes. Again, if they really are just not physically ready yet, this could be really bad for them (again, I speak from personal experience).
4) Attention span - some 4 year olds can sit and focus for long periods, others can't. Both are age appropriate, but you wouldn't want a kid who hasn't developed a logner attention span to be the youngest in a class where most other kids can and are expected to sit and pay attention for longer periods. This also depends on the pre-1a, some involve a lot more focused sitting time, others don't.
5) Self esteem - if your child has bad self-esteem, they would really benefit from another year in kindergarten as the big fish.

Also, I believe it is much better off not to move the child mid-year, or even after a few weeks - some children view this as a personal failure, or the other kdis d (imagine how embarrassing it would be to have to tell people that you had to be moved back in the middle of the year). But even if they don't, it means adjusting to the class/rules twice, and having to make friends over again and even if you have friends there it means fitting into social groupings which were established while you weren't there. So I believe that you should decide where to send them and then stick with it unless things are really really bad, but you don't want to 'wait and see' if you can avoid it. Again, that's my personal opinion.

It's really very individual, and you know your child best, so trust your gut! Even though for me being put into pre-1a was terrible, my dd is a totally different kid with different skills and strengths and we are putting her into pre-1a this coming year even though she will be the youngest.