Would you say something?

amother

Ivory

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 1:02 am

I have several married kids living nearby and they drop in a lot. It seems it does not occur to them to buy a fan, a bag of flour or a can of mushrooms (the latter two after doing the weekly shopping) when it can always be found in Mama's house.

And, of course, to put a baby in for a nap when they have errands to do.

And I really don't mind, within limits. Which I am pretty good about setting.

Well, today I inquired as to who had borrowed space in my freezer, and DD confessed it was she, and was it a problem? Only that the freezer door sometimes appears to be closed & then suddenly it's not (I know, needs a new gasket...). So basically I came home & found my ice cream defrosted & had to get re-frozen. I probably won't throw all of it out but it will be very annoying to eat.

DH didn't even think I should have told her. Big deal. We'll live. He'll buy me more. Also DD is struggling financially & I should feel bad to let her buy me new ice cream. (Don't worry, I think she bought me one package & really there were several but I did not enumerate.)

I think if I don't indicate to the kids when they've overstepped my bounds (even inadvertently) it will get out of control & I'll become resentful.

Agree or disagree?

MagentaYenta

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 1:14 am

I have two DDs close by one married with children, the other single both have demanding jobs. Oh and I also have a freezer with a bad gasket Sad

They are both good about shopping at Mom's Grocery but will call or text first. Usually their reasoning is sound for shopping here and nothing untoward has occurred over the years. There are usually some grumbles about the inconvenience of moving the cooler filled with 40 lbs of bird seed off the lid but that's as major as it gets.

The girls have been sharing my little chest freezer with me, and I'd thought I'd buy each their own for Hanukkah. Alas I'm due to have a bumpercrop of tomatoes, it's tuna season and coming into Alaska halibut season so I gifted them their new freezers a few weeks ago.

heidi

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 2:20 am

amother wrote:

You sound like my parents!! My father is always bending over backwards to keep his kids happy and my mother sees things more realistically and stands up for herself.
As I near the age to have in law children IY"H, I am so with you and my mother. I would love to be the go to bubby, but not at the price of my belongings and comfort being majorly compromised. I think your daughter will know to be more careful next time. Which is way better than her continuing to inconvenience you and not knowing why you're suddenly snapping at her (which is what I would do if I couldn't just get it off my chest.)

zaq

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 6:11 am

Of course you must set boundaries. Adult children, having grown up in your house, still think they're bnei bayit and treat your house like their own. Theyll walk all over you if you don't stop it now.

You have to set out the rules. No helping themselves to stuff without your approval--every time. Last week's OK does not extend to this week. . No storing stuff without getting your permission. No dropping off babies without your prior agreement. No borrowing equipment without asking. No letting themselves into your house without prior notice. IOW if they wouldn't do something to a friend they shouldn't do it to you.

essie14

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 8:18 am

You mean it never ends? I have teens now and I find the fridge and freezer slightly open a lot. We have told them so many times but they are lazy and can't always be bothered to fully close the door. I keep thinking that when they move out, the fridge will be all mine Smile

Of course I would let adult children visit, drop off their children, and borrow thing occasionally, but I think I would set boundaries. Eg: I am available to babysit once a week with advance notice.

imasinger

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 8:56 am

Your DH sounds so sweet!

Feel free to appreciate his kindness and then speak to your kids anyway if they overstep boundaries or cause you loss.

Tell him you can put the saved ice cream money towards getting a new freezer that closes properly. In the meantime, put a sign on the freezer (and anything else that requires care) cautioning the users to check and be sure it's properly closed.

amother

Ivory

Fri, Jul 21 2017, 12:01 pm

Hard to set boundaries when you don't know what the next one will be.

So last week DGC was put in for a nap. I put a sign on the hall leading to that room "Baby Sleeping, DO NOT ENTER". Of course other DD had something important in the next room to that, but she's a Mom & I trusted her to go in quietly and not make so much noise as to wake DGC. Other people (including the Zaideh) not so much...

I also need to fix my squeaking doors...

Maybe a sign on the freezer... it's really the first time it happened... except for DH, of course