s/o psa being insulted is not a jewish ideal

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Jul 23 2017, 5:04 pm

Iymnok wrote:

If someone attacks your weak point, even unknowingly, it hurts. Like a friendly slap on your sunburned back.
It hurts. It's normal. The question is how to process the pain and grow from it.

But to tell your sunburnt friend to "grow a thicker skin", that's insensitive and just doesn't work. You just opened a wound with your friendly slap, it won't heal on your say so.

There are two sides, how you approach the situation yourself, and how you respond to someone else in a situation (that's hard/hurtful to them).
Maybe you need to learn sensitivity as much as they need a thicker skin?

Excellent!!!

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jul 23 2017, 5:08 pm

This is op. I was up and was in a great mood and wanted to spread it. Your thread is NOT a spinoff from the other thread. It is a spinoff of the TITLE of the other thread. And "insulted" to me has a different connotation to "hurt". And I has nothing at all to so with being holier than thou!. I ain't so holy; but I'm a lot happier with this idea in my thought toolbox.

I guess just read that title and thought - "oh so of someone else would get insulted that legitimizes you being insulted ?? ". . That's not a helpful way to think. But it is a question that seems to.come up here a LOT. Should I be insulted that MIL did this? That friend did that? etc etc.

If you felt "hurt" then you were"hurt". It's a feeling, it's legitimate. It's when you carry on into being "insulted", which I guess is another way of saying"bearing a grudge" , that I have learned causes the hurt one (me), so much more unnecessary pain. It's not about "not standing up against abuse"! It's about using the hurt to so something constructive, rather than sitting around "getting" and "being" insulted.

Loved Marina 's line about ascribing stupidity instead of malice. I think it says better what I was trying to say.

Have a nice evening.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jul 23 2017, 7:46 pm

amother wrote:

wow! that was fast. Thank you.
I don't really understand the title/thread - spinoff: public service announcement being insulted is not a Jewish ideal.

Oh well... Smile

Yeah, a link to the original thread would help.
BTW (by the way) somewhere there is a thread with common abbreviations. You might find it helpful to save it somewhere for future reference.

amother

Ecru

Sun, Jul 23 2017, 10:35 pm

imasoftov wrote:

I'm also curious about what in Igeret Haramban could be understood as 'You will see that if you hear something insulting, you attitude can (maybe should) be "I was meant to hear that. Hashem wanted me to, for my benefit."'

Hebrew - http://www.sefaria.org/Iggeret.....ng=he
English - http://www.pirchei.co.il/speci.....n.htm

Agreed, it's kind of hard to find this in the iggeret haRamban. He encourages humility, but that's not "I was meant to hear that."

Yes, if you have a huge ego you'll get offended at every slight to your dignity. But that wasn't the case.

In the case of someone whose husband actually said something hurtful, the proper response is to feel hurt and to say so. By talking it out, they may get to a solution.

imasoftov

Mon, Jul 24 2017, 8:19 am

amother wrote:

This is op. ... Your thread is NOT a spinoff from the other thread. It is a spinoff of the TITLE of the other thread.

Are you referring to the thread you started as someone else's? Or are you now discussing a third thread?

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Jul 24 2017, 8:32 am

imasoftov wrote:

Are you referring to the thread you started as someone else's? Or are you now discussing a third thread?

That was a typographical error should have said "this" not "your"

About the Ramban, the speaker who taught me mentioned other things as well, so maybe these ideas are from elsewhere. I only shared this because it made me happy. Maybe not so appropriate for the 9 days maybe.