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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

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amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 12:30 pm

So a few months ago we were talking about moving from New York to New Jersey. We were in contract on a house, had our inspection, but in the end, we walked away. The inspection report came back with some issues that the sellers refused to deal with. One of the things that came up on the report was mold. The sellers refused to deal with it. So in the end, we walked away. We decided that we would put the move on hold for a while. Well fast forward to last week. My husband found out that a school has a spot for my daughter. He now wants to move in 6 weeks!!! He wants to put an offer on this other house, move in the first week in September, basically ripping off the bandaid doing this now. I didn't feel ready to move 3 months ago. I was very relieved when we walked away. How am I supposed to be ready to move in 6 weeks? My husband is very unhappy here in New York so I get he wants to leave but I think packing up, being out of here in 6 weeks, switching my daughter's school, puts an enormous amount of pressure on me. WWYD in my situation? Would you rip off the band-aid or make your husband stay here another year? I really feel like I'm in a bit of a pickle here 😕

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 1:01 pm

I would go for it. You may not have the opportunity to do it next year. Make your husband happy. You will be happy also. You just sound nervous which makes sense it will be an adjustment but it's also exciting. You will have a home.

amother

Blush

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 1:06 pm

Why does he want to move and why don't you want to move? Do you like the other house? A house is a big purchase so you should both like the house.

mame1

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 2:06 pm

Sounds like you just don’t want to move at all- you are comfortable. But your husband has already told you he is miserable and wants your daughter in a better school. A move is best for the whole family. Yes, packing up is no fun, I get that- my advice is to start packing and quit thinking about how much work it will be for you.

loveit

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 2:44 pm

Just do it, you'll always be nervous and giving yourself this six week deadline will make it easier. 6 weeks is plenty of time!! I've packed up a house in less than two weeks with one child and pregnant with my next. I oversaw the whole project, I don't think my husband packed or unpacked a single box and it was across multiple states, you can do this it will be worthwhile!!!

pause

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 2:46 pm

It's not easy to make a move especially state to state. You must be feeling unsettled, like the rug was pulled out from under you.

However, if you try to see it from your DH's viewpoint, you will be better equipped for a conversation with him. In his mind, you already agreed to moving to NJ. You even almost bought a house. So now, he doesn't see that you're backing out of moving there at all. To him it's about timing.

If for you it's only about the timing, I would push you to it. Yes, it'll be tough to get everything done so fast, but if you're going to make the move anyway, why wait?

But, it sounds like for you it's not about the timing. It's about the decision altogether. And the timing is the excuse you're using to explain why you're not "in" it.

Please, be honest with your DH so that both of you together can re-evaluate the move. Once you decide whether to stay or to go, you won't be questioning that as you continue making decisions about the next step.

amother

Blush

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 3:05 pm

I would also caution not to rush into buying a house. Will you have time for an inspection?

cnc

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 5:00 pm

Do you have the option of renting in the beginning so that you don't have the pressure of the house on your head while dealing with moving and acclimating to a new are?

crust

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 5:34 pm

Have you come to a mutual decision about moving? Is there a vision of a concrete positive change for the better? What is it?

Keep in mind that men get used to a new area faster. They go to shuhl and make new friends.
For women, it is a total different parsha. Coming to a new community as an adult woman, without having a group of friends or family waiting for you There, can turn out To be the cause of a few very lonely years till you build a new social circle for yourself .

At the very least You have to have some good feelings towards miving. Family, community something that should pull you. Otherwise, your husband will acclimate and you will stay miserable.
Sit down with a pen and paper and spell out the advantages of moving.
Bigger house, nicer community, more freinds, better quality of life, what is it that you'd go for?
Then, see if these are things you really need.
And, decide; Will the gain of change be worth the pain?
Wishing you Hatzlocho in your decision Whatever you end up doing, it should be with Siyaate Dishmaya.

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