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amother




Blush


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 9:15 am
this is really a just a vent but I would love everyones thoughts...

My husband and I are going through quite a difficult , stressful time now and we really need to discuss with a smart rav,
I am so so disappointed, for about 3 weeks , my husband is trying to get an appointment and he simply cant..either rav is too busy or upstate , any excuse you name it.

Last night finally a rav about 1/2 hour away from us told him to come on sunday at 8 am (mind you this rav has no phone number you can reach him on, my husband found out where he davens maariv and traveled there to catch him there and asked him when can we talk,)

I really dont know what to say- hashem yerachem everyone is so busy- HOW ON EARTH CAN I GET A BABYSITTER 730 sunday morning??
this whole thing doesnt make sense really- I am so disappointed in rabbanim- how sad is it that when pple are in a rut and need to talk to a rav for guidance and are trying so hard there is simply no one and dont forget this in NEW YORK-
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 9:32 am
Oh - I know. I run a mikvah in NYC and DAILY have calls because women have shailahs and the rav hasnt answered yet. His bdika mail box is open so she puts it in, but her mikvah night is tonight and no call back for days... and no way to retreiv the bdika for someone else to look! Rabbis arent leaving a back up. Same issue every summer. Its so irresponsible.
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amother




Blush


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 9:37 am
amother wrote:
Oh - I know. I run a mikvah in NYC and DAILY have calls because women have shailahs and the rav hasnt answered yet. His bdika mail box is open so she puts it in, but her mikvah night is tonight and no call back for days... and no way to retreiv the bdika for someone else to look! Rabbis arent leaving a back up. Same issue every summer. Its so irresponsible.


firstly this is not a nidda quiestion, but just from your post - are you saying that during the year I can find a rav to talk to ???
I find it very very hard to beleive -everything is an excuse- too busy, not good ect , so so sad
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amother




Purple


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 9:38 am
Maybe we have to support them more so they can hire private tutors for thier sons, more cleaning help for their wives etc. So they can make this a full time job without stress. Thoughts?
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ssspectacular









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 9:40 am
Do you daven in a shul where there is a Rav? Because he would probably make time for you.
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amother




Blush


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 9:57 am
amother wrote:
Maybe we have to support them more so they can hire private tutors for thier sons, more cleaning help for their wives etc. So they can make this a full time job without stress. Thoughts?


im not sure where you are getting at-
I have never gone to a rav before , we are married now soon 10 years and we ran into some issues and we really want to speak to an outsider and im just so disappointed that there isnt anyone to talk to - im not talking about a whole deal im asking for 20 minutes and I can pay if thats the issue,its just so sad
and to the other amother , the rav in our shul is very old he doesnt really speak to people
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amother




Purple


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 10:05 am
amother wrote:
im not sure where you are getting at-
I have never gone to a rav before , we are married now soon 10 years and we ran into some issues and we really want to speak to an outsider and im just so disappointed that there isnt anyone to talk to - im not talking about a whole deal im asking for 20 minutes and I can pay if thats the issue,its just so sad
and to the other amother , the rav in our shul is very old he doesnt really speak to people


I was simply asking if anyone thinks that to remedy the situation, maybe we should appreciate them more and see that they have their families needs met so they can be available for the klal, more.

As to your issue right now, I'd suggest you see a therapist. It's to frustrating to have an issue and not have with whom to discuss. If your issue belongs to a Rav, A therapist might get you access to a Rav, sooner.
Koltuv
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amother




Blush


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 10:09 am
amother wrote:
I was simply asking if anyone thinks that to remedy the situation, maybe we should appreciate them more and see that they have their families needs met so they can be available for the klal, more.

As to your issue right now, I'd suggest you see a therapist. It's to frustrating to have an issue and not have with whom to discuss. If your issue belongs to a Rav, A therapist might get you access to a Rav, sooner.
Koltuv


lol im laughing- this is an hysterical site . you say one little thing , you are bombarded with go to a therapist, or better , go to licensed therapist, or even better go to licensed therapist and make sure she is good!!!
so just to clarify- everything is amazing between me and my husband- I dont want to go into details here its just too long to write- but I just have a question that needs a RABBI !- need some perspective and judiasm not a therapist, liceensed therapist , psychiatrist or psycoologist!!!
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Moonlight









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 10:30 am
I'm so sorry, op. Btdt, Rabbanim ARE very busy and so hard to get time with. And if you do get an appointment, they pick up their incoming calls every 5 min... which I totally understand and they should, it just is really hard to get focused attention for 30 min
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amother




Blush


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 10:31 am
Moonlight wrote:
I'm so sorry, op. Btdt, Rabbanim ARE very busy and so hard to get time with. And if you do get an appointment, they pick up their incoming calls every 5 min... which I totally understand and they should, it just is really hard to get focused attention for 30 min


what are they doing????
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 11:01 am
Op, you are coming across as kind of aggressive in your posts. I dont know if its intentional. But its off putting.
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SixOfWands









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 11:16 am
amother wrote:
what are they doing????


What are they doing?

First of all, its summer. Lots are on vacation.

They're going to hospitals to visit members of their congregations, or their families who are ill.

Attending funerals. And weddings. And shivas. And counseling the people involved. For people from their congregations.

Learning.

Conducting shul business.

Writing dvar Torah.

Meeting with bnai mizvot.

Answering shailot. For the people in their congregations.

Davening.

Raising money.

Making calls to assist members of their congregation who need a job. Or a school for their kids. Or help with something.

Counseling members of their congregation.

The problem is that you don't want to speak to your own rabbo. Since you're not a member of the congregation of the people you want to speak with, you come after all of those things. A rabbi who sets aside his responsibilities to the members of his shul in order to meet with an outsider whom he doesn't know is, frankly, a rabbi who is going to be looking for a job.
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ssspectacular









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 11:54 am
OP, can you get a friend or relative to "get" you in to their Rav?
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oliveoil









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 12:28 pm
You sound demanding and entitled.

A rav that you have no existing relationship with has no obligation to be available to you.

PS. You think it will be 20 minutes. The rav knows that it will be at least an hour, maybe more.
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zaq









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 12:28 pm
Thank you Six for posting so that I don't have to. People don't seem to khap that a rav is a human being with a life and a family and sometimes a regular job that may or may not have anything to do with being a rav. Just because he has semicha doesn't mean he's obligated to be available 24/7 for anyone and everyone, even if he has chosen the path of "Klei kodesh" .

Even the kohanim in the mikdash worked in designated shifts...though I imagine they,too, were harassed day and night by constituents demanding they pasken on every little skin lesion and spot on their clothing.
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amother




Blush


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 12:36 pm
zaq wrote:
Thank you Six for posting so that I don't have to. People don't seem to khap that a rav is a human being with a life and a family and sometimes a regular job that may or may not have anything to do with being a rav. Just because he has semicha doesn't mean he's obligated to be available 24/7 for anyone and everyone, even if he has chosen the path of "Klei kodesh" .

Even the kohanim in the mikdash worked in designated shifts...though I imagine they,too, were harassed day and night by constituents demanding they pasken on every little skin lesion and spot on their clothing.


ok I understand , my husband happens to be an assistant rav ,so believe me I know

there is something about going into klei kodesh that you want to help klal yisroel, you try to help out and accomodate.
I am extremely disappointed with every excuse under the sun and everyone is so busy. something is not adding up here
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amother




Silver


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 12:46 pm
amother wrote:
ok I understand , my husband happens to be an assistant rav ,so believe me I know

there is something about going into klei kodesh that you want to help klal yisroel, you try to help out and accomodate.
I am extremely disappointed with every excuse under the sun and everyone is so busy. something is not adding up here


Do you think the Rebbeim actually have plenty of time in their schedules and just don't want to see you?
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Stars









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 12:47 pm
Why not a therapist?
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amother




Lavender


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 12:51 pm
I believe dafka b/c you are in NY it's harder. In smaller communities the Rav is usually available within a reasonable amount of time from asking. At least in my experience. Now I live in a somewhat larger community and our Rav is ALWAYS available. However we do pay dues to his Shul so maybe that helps. But I know he sees other people as well. (However that's him, not every Rav is expected to do that)
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tichellady









  


Post  Wed, Aug 09 2017, 1:01 pm
If your husband is an assistant rabbi then doesn't he have a senior rabbi who he consults with? I would hope he would have someone he can ask halakhic questions to.
If you can't find a babysitter then have you or your husband go and then one of you will call or Skype in to the conversation. I am sorry you are going through a hard time.
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