Why all these compliments

amother

Green

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 8:04 pm

I consider myself an honest sincere and normal person. No big names or titles attached. Nothing special but just ordinary.
Yet recently I have been receiving loads of compliments that I'm apparently inspiring special bla bla bla.
I cannot take it. Maybe you all think I'm crazy.
Yes, I have been through some tough years, challenging times which a lot of people know about. I grew a lot as a person and I've become strong in Emunah.
Why all these comment of being special bla bla, they don't sit right with me. I think we are all special with our own special unique tikkuns to fulfill in this world. Each one being given different tasks challenges and tools to live with and to work on.

Does anyone get me?

amother

Gray

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 8:25 pm

People want you to know that you've made a difference in their life. Don't take it as a compliment take it as an FYI. is that easier? (I'm with you - special isn't a good way to put it, but some people are a bit vocabularily challenged)

relish

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 8:44 pm

Yes special is very elusive and does not say anything.
I also find it annoying.

I would much rather something more concrete, like "I felt inspired by the way you did xyz, and therefore I did abc"

See, that way the person inspires you to continue doing what you're doing, so the good actions and feelings chain can continue forward.

zaq

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 8:54 pm

I get you. And I won't insult you further by remarking on your refreshing modesty, lol.

There are many reasons why a person might feel uncomfortable receiving compliments:
--fear of seeming conceited
--fear of ayin hara
--feeling that the compliment is undeserved
--feeling that the compliment is insincere
--mistrusting the giver's motives.
--a sense of obligation to reciprocate in kind
--a sense of obligation to live up to the compliment.

The occasional reasonably expressed positive remark shouldn't be something you have a problem with. OTOH, compliments are like candy or perfume: a pleasant treat when mild and in small doses, but when they are too sweet and applied too often, they become sickening.

There is an art to giving compliments. Too
mild and they may not be recognized as compliments at all. Too exuberant and they reek of insincerity. It's a balancing act and not everyone is good at it.

amother

Green

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:03 pm

zaq wrote:

-- I am not good to be at the receiving end of compliments like this but rather give them.

-- the word SPECIAL signifies for me extraordinary. More than normal. Yes it's true I worked hard on myself to be where I am now and it was no easy journey to be on, but it doesn't make me more special than anyyone. Hashem sent the challenge and helped me reach this level, and I do like to share with people. And since it's a given gift from above its nothing to feel superior about imho.

amother

Green

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:04 pm

zaq wrote:

Jeanette

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:14 pm

I don't know if the comments relate specifically to the challenges you've been through. What I find is that people are uncomfortable talking to people who are going through a challenge (unless they're going through a similar one) so they resort to platitudes like "you're so special." They just don't know what else to say.

Maybe I'm just not as modest as you but I love getting compliments! It really is motivating for me to focus on what I'm doing right and inspires me you do more of the same.

zaq

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:16 pm

BTW there is also an art to ACCEPTING compliments. A compliment is like a gift. If you reject it, it's like throwing a gift back in the giver's face. You don't have to believe it, you don't have to let it give you a swelled head, you can flush it down the loo later if you like, but you DO have to take it graciously and thank the giver cordially.

seeker

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 1:18 am

amother wrote:

This. They're not expressing themselves well but you can safely translate "you're so special" to mean "I admire the way you ______ (handled that challenge?) and wish that I could figure out how to do that."