Chores for 11 yr old girls

amother

Orchid

Tue, Aug 22 2017, 4:53 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

I'm sorry Nicole81, it's the mothers responsibility to make sure her kids have clean cloths every day. If ur son tells you that he doesn't have clean pants for tomorrow it means that you where not on top of the kids laundry. Again, 11 is just a kid, they don't have to keep track if they'll have clean cloths the next day. They don't have to "remind" you to do laundry.
About his future wife loving fact that he does his own laundry, I don't think she'll "love" it when she finds out that he's doing his own laundry since he's 11, it's just sad.

My mother in law had her boys washing and ironing their laundry from around bar mitzvah age. (She did their underwear and socks)
I think it's great! DH is extremely self sufficient. He didn't even expect me to wash his laundry when we got married!!!!
I don't think it's sad.
My mil is a wonderful women who works and has raised her children right!

mommyla

Tue, Aug 22 2017, 5:14 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

My 8-year-old is absolutely responsible for telling me when he's running low on pants. He's not doing laundry yet, but he helps me sort (even my 3-year-old can do that). Nothing wrong with a little responsibility.

zaq

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 3:32 am

rParents who think eleven year olds are too young to do household chores are insulting them, not protecting them. If you can learn to swim, ride a bike, play hockey or piano and keep track of baseball scores, to say nothing of studying Chumash, Halacha and mishnayos, you can learn to mop a floor and keep track of your stock of clean clothes.

iriska_meller

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 4:39 am

My 12 year old daughter does her own laundry, does mine and her brother's if I ask. She cleans her room (not well but eh), can make simple breakfast for herself and others, cleans kitty litter and guinea pig cage and is responsible for taking garbage outside and to the curb. She also loads nd unloads the dishwasher and can bake when we need something baked. I do have to remind her that these things need to be done, most of the time.

saw50st8

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 4:48 am

My kids are younger than Nicole's but my 7 and 9 year old sons know how to do laundry. We don't separate laundry by person (we do it all together) but they start/switch the load as needed. I do the folding but they put it away. Even my 6 and 4 year old put their laundry away (albeit poorly, but hey it's a start!).

Most people in my area have cleaning help and we don't so most of their friends don't have chores. But I'm ok with having high expectations of my kids. They still get plenty of time to ride their bikes and run around and be kids. They also understand that if they want to go out and do fun things on sunday instead of it being chore day, they need to pitch in because DH and I are 2 people and can't always get to everything.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 6:44 am

nicole81 wrote:

I disagree. And I think kids today are way too coddled. If kids want something, they should learn to put in a bit of effort. It does wonders for their character, self esteem, and relationships they IYH should have in the future.

My stepson was 11 when he started telling us last minute that he didn't have clean pants for school. After a couple of times of having my evening disrupted by putting up last minute laundry loads, I decided that if he could take on the responsibility of monitoring and fulfilling his own laundry needs. He's nearly 13 and does all of his laundry himself. He came back from camp this week and did ask me if there was a special cycle for doing his blanket, but aside from the occasional question, he's self-sufficient. I'm sure his future wife will love the fact that he does laundry!

A couple of years ago, my older kids started complaining about breakfasts and lunches on Sunday. They also love walking through the kitchen saying "I'm hungry..." and complaining about "nothing to eat.'" Well, I'm not a chef-on-demand and waitress. We asked them what they liked and taught them how to make simple dishes. More often than not, the now 12 year olds (boy and girl) make their lunches in addition to breakfasts on Sunday. And we've raised great kids, so they always ask if they can make for us, too. Again, I'm sure my stepson's future wife will love the fact that he cooks! And the kids feel empowered that they can make their own meals.

Along the same lines, my kids started requesting certain dishes for shabbat. Guess what? I get home at candlelighting and they're home early, so I taught them how to do it. My stepson roasts zucchini and makes farfel. My oldest dd makes desserts. My girls wanted shepard's pie last week, so the deal was they had to peel 16 potatoes. My kids love my homemade challah, so my 11yo decided recently to make a batch with me every time to ensure we never run out.

My daughters especially like having sleepovers, and it's hard enough caring for 5 kids. So my rule is if you want a sleepover, you need to take care of breakfast for yourself and your guest.

The only "chore" per se that is actually monitored is the washing up of dishes by the 11 year old. It's her once-weekly contribution since that child is generally less naturally helpful than the others. We ask the 6 year old to sweep usually twice a week, and she loves being able to help out.

Regarding clearing the table, everyone is responsible for clearing their own dinner plates, scraping them, and stacking or loading them into the dishwasher. If they dirty the table, like the 6 year old often does, they know to grab a rag and windex right after the meal. It took a lot of reminders, but now they usually just do it.If the table needs to be cleaned before dinner, it's usually as simple as saying "hey you and you, do you mind windexing the table while I'm finishing up dinner here?" My poor kids Rolling Eyes

Friday evening we try to encourage all the kids to go to shul. The rule is whomever stays home from shul has to clean and set the table, but if they all go to shul, then they all have to pitch in together.

We don't use a chart, and the rewards are self-sufficiency, having their needs met, and calmer, more available parents.

Hatemywig

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 7:17 am

amother wrote:

I can't help but wonder if you'd feel the same way if they were all your bio kids.

If you're going to insult someone at least have the decency to do it under your own screen name.

crust

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 7:20 am

OP I am not the biggest expert on this... I can only share what works for me.
I cannot follow through with charts. Im not this type of person.
My mission in my home is to create a warm atmosphere rather than me being a policeman. I know people get thier kids to do things and they claim that they are not policemen. Again I am just talking from my own experience.
My kids help ALOT. It goes both ways; I ask them for help and they ask me what they can help. Other than thier own beds rooms and as soon as they offer to put away thier own laundry, there is no set chore per child.

If I have a lot of chores I ask them which one they want and I take whichever chore nobody chose.

Last edited by crust on Wed, Aug 23 2017, 7:25 am; edited 1 time in total

Raw

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 7:23 am

amother wrote:

I can't help but wonder if you'd feel the same way if they were all your bio kids.

What an insensitive and foolish thing to say.

ETA: I have the exact same mindset as Nicole (and apparently many others who've contributed on here) with my biological children. And they're mostly boys, we have plenty of paid help and I'm a SAHM. More spoiled, ungrateful and unappreciative spouses? No thank you.

marina

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 8:54 am

Nicole <--- I stand with her.

My 11 year olds could do:

* their own laundry- wash dry sort and put away
* make own lunches
* sweep & wash floors
* clean bathrooms, including toilets
* wash dishes
* make simple foods- pasta, omelettes, smoothies, cake from box
* of course clean own rooms, make beds etc
* take care of pets
* watch younger kids
* shovel snow
* clean and polish candle holders

And it's really not a big deal. Here's when they had so much fun- http://www.chorewars.com/

We did a contest btw our kids and my sister's kids and they earned "gold coins" from this online game for doing chores. For 1-2 months I literally came home to a sparkling house. They would call me to find out what other chores they could do and if they could wash the floor twice and arguing over who gets to shovel the driveway... those were the days!

I think they were 10 and 12 then.

nicole81

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:04 am

amother wrote:

I can't help but wonder if you'd feel the same way if they were all your bio kids.

I only insult people under my own name. You're a jerk.

P.S. All of the kids in the house, whether they came out of my vagooji or not, are responsible for chores. I'm an equal opportunity slave driver.

Blessing1

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:23 am

Omg amother periwinkle, your comment is really really out of line, how could you??? Especially under amother? This is so insensitive...
And I agree you're a jerk.

MagentaYenta

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:32 am

amother wrote:

I can't help but wonder if you'd feel the same way if they were all your bio kids.

I raised 7 and only one was a bio child, you sound like a rude ignorant person who is completely clueless about a mother's love for her children regardless of whose v@gina they came from. But what bothers me the most is you are going to teach this pizz poor attitude to your children.

The upside of this is I noticed that no one had reported your post for abusing the privilege of going anon. I got to report it before I finished my morning tea.

Miri7

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 11:11 am

My kids can, by 11:

Set and clear table
Clean up kitchen, load/unload dishwasher, wash dishes
Tidy room
"Purge" belongings of too small clothes or unwanted toys for storage or donation/ handing down
Fold and put away laundry (one did her own laundry per her request)
Put away groceries
Run to the little market for a few items
Sweep floor
Take out garbage and recycling to the bins and roll bins to curb on pickup day
Help with watching younger siblings.
Wipe up bathroom sink area with a Clorox wipe
Cook or prepare simple meals and clean up after.

My kids don't do all of this all the time, but I will often say "x y and z needs to be done" and they will pick things to do. Or I will tell them to set the table, etc. if they complain of being bored I will usually give them a task. they know that they need to do something to help out before they get their Friday afternoon screen time.

They also know that sometimes when things are crazy (like before thw chagim, a move or a big trip) that everyone needs to pitch in more.

One DS loves sweeping so my floors stay pretty clean. One loves yard work and jumps to do that. One loves baking. One always chooses entertaining his younger sister over any other job. (He is amazing with younger kids.)

I think that it's really important that kids learn how to care for themselves and a house and have the skills to be independent. I also make sure my kids have plenty of time to just be kids.

zaq

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 11:36 am

Even Bill and Melinda Gates's kid had chores. The Gateses, being sensible folks, wanted their children to grow up like normal people, not like pampered rich brats who couldn't make a bed if their lives depended on it.

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 4:59 am

amother wrote:

It's the best gift to give your children's shalom bayis

My 5 year old can definitely help around already.