Should I say yes to this guest?

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amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 4:42 pm

So there is this guy that every so often comes to my house.
I am not sure but I think he might have Aspergers. If not that defiantly something.
He will call me many times until I pick up.
One time he kept calling me to ask if he could sleep over and I text him back I am at work and will call when I leave well he kept calling and didn't care about what I said. I know he got my message. I said yes and he asked me to pick him up from the bus stop which was hard for me but I said yes. Well he never called me to tell me when he got off so I called him in which he said never mind he is not sleeping over. I was really mad because I made up the bed and rearranged my schedual to help him.
Well now he asked if he could come for shabbos and I told him I can't give him an answer just yet he kept calling me and calling.
I said yes and then he asked for my address. A little while later he text me he had other plans and he will take a rain check which I text back ok.
In the meantime I told my kids to come..
Five minutes later he texts me back that he will come and wants to come tonight.
Is it rude to tell him after 5 minutes that I invited someone else and he could come another time?

cnc

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 4:43 pm

No. It's not rude at all on your end.

self-actualization

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 4:55 pm

Not rude at all! You have to protect your sanity, and your family first!

rainbow dash

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 5:08 pm

Tell him sorry but you cancelled and I got other guests. Get your husband or you to tell him that if he continues to call non stop he will not be welcome.

WhatFor

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 5:35 pm

You need to establish boundaries stat if you want this behavior to change.

Miri7

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 5:35 pm

No it's not rude. He cancelled, you got other guests, now he can't come.

I would also work on boundaries with this person.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 6:04 pm

Thanks everyone. Yes I have to set boundaries but I am a softy that is why all people like him loves coming to my house so often.

zaq

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 6:58 pm

Be strong OP. Haba lehorgecha hashkem lehorgo. IOW when it's a matter of survival you have to look out for number one. Don't let this guy jerk you around.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 7:14 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks everyone. Yes I have to set boundaries but I am a softy that is why all people like him loves coming to my house so often.

You are self aware. You know you are a softy.

We are on this earth to grow bladiblah improve our midos blahdibah and so on.

So you could look at him as a malach sent to toughen you up. Perhaps he has been sent to keep nudging you until you learn how to say no.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 7:16 pm

But I still feel guilty for saying no after he canceled and asked to come which was a total of 5 minutes apart.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 7:25 pm

amother wrote:

But I still feel guilty for saying no after he canceled and asked to come which was a total of 5 minutes apart.

I get that. I would too. You can be empathetic and apologetic about the NEW SITUATION w/o saying yes.

Look into YOURSELF. Do YOU need to learn to be better at inviting guests or saying no?

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 7:32 pm

Can I add- it is important not to feel guilty when you didn't so anything wrong. That's just a general comment, I'm not even sure how it applies here.

amother

Orchid

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 8:01 pm

We were in similar situation. Somebody called and asked if they can come for Shabbos seuda, I said sure. Few days later, a close friend said that she wanted to invite us over for the same meal - I said we could not because of the guests. Then, on Wednesday, our guests called to cancel . As soon as I hanged up with them I called my friend and arranged to go to her. Literally 30 min.later the original guests called, saying it was an error on their part, can they still come - I apologied and said that unfortunately we confirmed to eat by someone else in the meantime - and would no longer be able to host ( we rescheduled for a different week).

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 10:10 pm

From what I understand I don't know if that's Asperger's maybe it's someone who has OCD (because he keeps calling) or maybe BPD(because he sounds kindol of clingy) I don't know. It's definitely someone you should stay away from and just say goodbye.
For your sanity just cut off ties.

FaygieofLA

Mon, Aug 28 2017, 5:57 pm

He certainly doesn’t have social skills.
You can’t let his lack of social skills drive you crazy.

::::Is it rude to tell him after 5 minutes that I invited someone else and he could come another time?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!
You are 10000% correct.

amother wrote:

SpottedBanana

Mon, Aug 28 2017, 7:47 pm

Hi FaygieofLA, welcome to imamother! This thread is from a month and a half ago, so OP has hopefully figured out her problems by now. Even if you want to talk about the exact same topic as an old thread, you should start a new thread.

FaygieofLA

Mon, Aug 28 2017, 9:55 pm

joined recently....and only saw this thread now.

thanks.

SpottedBanana wrote:

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