Why did she say that?!

amother

White

Fri, Sep 01 2017, 8:25 am

amother wrote:

I am so upset right now. Our finances are very tight right now and we owe thousands of dollars to our dds' school. School starts next week and we're really not sure how we're going to work this out.

Besides for all that, this school only sends the supplies list with the admission cards. We haven't paid, so no admission cards, so no supplies list. For me that's on the bottom of my list of problems, but my kids are used to getting the list earlier in the summer and keep asking for it. I told them it probably just got lost in the mail and I will call the school, and then I keep "forgetting" to call.

One of my dd's decided to ask her friend if she could photocopy her list. She came home and told me that the friend's mother told her that if we didn't get it yet, it means we owe the school money! We are trying to hard not to let our kids know how bad things are for us, they know things are tight, and that we're being careful not to spend on extras, but they have no idea that we owe money, to the schools and a lot of credit card debt unfortunately.

Why the h*ll would someone tell her daughter that? What kind of jerk would do that? I'm so upset, I locked myself in my room so my kids won't see me crying. I just can't understand why she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Sorry to be devil's advocate. Besides the fact that kids come up with stuff and perhaps it wasn't from the mom...I have ADHD (aka impulsivity) and on top of that struggle sometimes with tact. Words leave my mouth and I think later. I'm embarressed to say that this totally could of been me (I assure you it wasn't lol)

Point is, yeah- she shouldn't of done that. That sucks. But don't think she was a jerk. I'm sure she feels horrible, as do I when things like that happen.

Another note, if that was me, I wouldn't of davka realized it was improper. My mind doesn't connect things like it does for you automatically. I would of tsaid "oh that's funny, ussually if you didn't get it you owe money" and thought afterwards "hm, well it was probsbly not that" but not of said it.

This is just an example of being dan lkaf zchut.

amother

Silver

Fri, Sep 01 2017, 9:22 am

amother wrote:

I also read this thread with similar thoughts. It does seem tactless, but I also have ADD and occassionally let things slip out of my mouth without thinking. And then after the fact, I will obsessively worry about whether or not I hurt someone's feelings.

crust

Fri, Sep 01 2017, 10:45 am

Op I commend you for first going into your room to settle your feelings before reacting.

I had a similar scenerio a while ago where one of my kids were told a peice of information too soon by loose-tongued individuals. I did not have a chance to think clearly how to report this to that child and booms! the child knew it already. At wits end

It took a tremendous amount of damage control work to make the child see the situation from an educated point of view. Whew

At the end we all grew in many areas from that experience.

The fact of life is that there will always be some people in a hatd financial emotional and/or physical situation.
You can take this as a chance to teach your child tact and menshlichkeit in every encounter.
The focal point does not have to be if you are in a bad financial place or not because if you had the money or not bill paid or not, its completly irrelavant to your child. What you want to teach her is that tact and menshlichkeit are always a must.