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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
Silver
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Wed, Sep 06 2017, 9:37 am
My 9yr old ds is a sweet boy, kind and generous, usually gentle and a peacemaker. He has one older and several younger siblings and recently has become very loud and explosive, acting impulsively. For example he'll say "I want this now!!!" If a situation comes up that he doesn't like he gets very upset, starts screaming, will push someone or something aggressively if he doesn't get his way. He tells me often "everyone hates me! All my siblings hate me!" And today said "even Mommy hates me!" after I told him to go out of the room to diffuse the escalating words and fighting between him and his brother.
He's also starting to do annoying behaviors that irritate his siblings, like eating rudely on purpose, making wierd noises etc.
(I don't think he's overtired and although this can be worse when he's hungry, it happens other times too).
I think this is all pretty normal boy stuff but I want to help him learn how to control himself and help regulate his emotions.
When he's not in this mood he's a very loving, affectionate, kind and thoughtful child, so this is kind of taking me by surprise. I'd love wise imas help with nipping this in the bud. Thank you
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Miri7
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Wed, Sep 06 2017, 11:05 am
One thing I think of when my kids engage in some type of new negative behavior is "what need is the child trying to meet here?" I think that this comes from an idea of non-violent communication, though I'm not sure.
So I step back and watch when it comes up, think about what happened that day, what is going on right before, what reaction was he trying to get?
With one child the answer was simply more attention. He was a middle kid and once I started making a point of giving him focused attention when the siblings were together, then he started to calm down. I don't have to focus only on him, but when we are together in the evening I make point to be just with him for a moment, give him a hug and give him a compliment, that type of thing.
With another son, we figured out that he was being bullied at school and didn't know how to handle it. He didn't want to "tell" on the other kids and was keeping all of this pain inside. He was having a hard time regulating his emotions. So for him, I know that when he acts out that something is going on and he's having a big emotion and that I need to talk with him to find out what's going on underneath the surface. (This child is also a very sensitive kid and has an especially hard time when he's tired and hungry, even more than my other kids.)
But, to some extent, annoying your siblings as an "activity" is somewhat normal. I'd try to distract and engage him in something else.
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amother
Jetblack
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Wed, Sep 06 2017, 11:39 am
Sounds like he is being abused/bullied?
Maybe pandas?
Try to get him OT maybe that will help if he has anger management problems?
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amother
Silver
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Wed, Sep 06 2017, 11:11 pm
Thanks. I appreciate your input. He's not being bullied or anything like that. I like the suggestion of giving him more attention...frankly just posting here has been helpful for me to see this more objectively and be more patient.
Would love to hear more people's advice
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salt
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Wed, Sep 06 2017, 11:23 pm
Could he possibly be having trouble settling in to the new school year? New teacher that her perhaps doesn't like so much.
I find my 9 yr old DS (who can also nudge his siblings a lot) enjoys being read to. I know it seems a bit old to be read a bedtime story, but a chapter of a book each night. Could be a slightly harder book than he'd read by himself.
Good ono-on-one time with him.
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