Consequence for locking doors

amother

Cyan

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 3:18 pm

There are a few aspects to this:
1) How can you keep him, and your house, safe
2) How can you punish him when needed
3) How can you prevent this behavior

1) Keeping him, and your house, safe - you need to make your house more childproof.
- Take out all locks. We made all the doors in our house unlockable.
- Don't leave him alone inside if eveyrone else is outside. Either take him with you or have someone inside with him. (Also, for reference, I don't think a 4 year old should get the responsibility of behaving inside a house without supervision - they are just not ready).
- Put everything in the bathroom that can make a mess somewhere locked. All soap/shampoo/toothpaste, etc. We bought a cabinet and installed a lock on it - it can be a lock with a key or a lock with a combination (so older kids can open it). If you don't have room for a cabinet, get a large medicine bag with a lock and lock that - you can get one with a combination lock or .
- Get a fridge lock that is a combination lock so older kids and you guys can open it, but he can't.
- If he still trashes or dumps out other things, lock them or remove them.
- If he can't be trusted alone in a room, don't leave him alone in a room. Only very recently did we start leaving our 4.5 year old alone in a room, and it's only if the room is really childproof. Again, I don't think all 4 year olds are responsible enough to leave unattended.

2) Appropriate punishment. I think that if he messes something up, the punishment is that you find a way to lock it up. If he's not responding to time outs, you may want to add going the other way and make a sticker chart with a reward at the end. A combination of negative consequences (e.g. locking things up) and positive reinforcement (e.g. reward chart) works better than consequences alone.

3) Preventing behavior. Honestly, he sounds bored. So he looks for something interesting to do - both in terms of the activity and in terms of the interaction with you that it generates. He may need more attention, from parents, older siblings, or someone, during the times when he's home. If someone is occupying him with positive activities, then he won't be occupying himself with trouble. Not all 4 year olds have the skills to entertain themselves in productive ways, and sometimes we just need to give them more structured and supervised play until they are a little older.

animeme

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 5:47 pm

To lend credence to OP, we found it impossible to lock ds out of our fridge until we got a side by side. With a top bottom, the only way to lock it involves locks with straps thay stick onto surfaces. I couldn't get them off, but ds could (also age 4).

Definitely take the keys outside with you. Keep bathroom doors closed at all times, and I do like hook and eyes. If you haven't already, install them at all exterior doors before he decides to leave on his own. Yes, he will find a way to climb to them at some point, but you will hear it and have time.

animeme

Mon, Sep 11 2017, 5:56 pm

Also, does this kid have a behaviorist? Does one of your other kids? Ask for help amd develop a program. I know you want to say, "This has to stop", but you may need to do a whole progressive behavioral adjustment, complete with reinforcers.

My behaviorist put in visual reminders- big stop signs with mine and dh's pictures, to remimd him to ask us before he went in. Apparently this helps many kids- it didn't help mine. But it followed the very true principle that it's easier to teach a kid to do something than not to do something. So try to program in a behavior he should do (get you before he opens a door) vs "Don't lock".