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Husband doesn't want to give the 10% ma'aser
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 9:43 pm
Do any of your husbands not give the required 10% ma'aser to Tzedakah? How do you convince him to give it?
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amother




Khaki


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 9:49 pm
We don't. I didn't convince him. We do give tzedekah and pay full shul membership. I pick my battles and this is a strong minhag, not halakha.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 9:51 pm
amother wrote:
Do any of your husbands not give the required 10% ma'aser to Tzedakah? How do you convince him to give it?


My DH doesn't. It bothers me. But he claims you only give Maaser after covering expenses and we don't fit that bill. He discussed this with a Rav. My mothers Rav also told her not to give maaser since she was pretty poor. My DH gives tzedaka, and claims that in the long run it ends up bein maaser, but he doesn't cut off 10% to maaser off each paycheck.
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amother




Mint


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 9:51 pm
He gives to his tzedakahs and I give to mine. We each earn independently and we each decide independently how much to give and to whom.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 10:00 pm
amother wrote:
My DH doesn't. It bothers me. But he claims you only give Maaser after covering expenses and we don't fit that bill. He discussed this with a Rav. My mothers Rav also told her not to give maaser since she was pretty poor. My DH gives tzedaka, and claims that in the long run it ends up bein maaser, but he doesn't cut off 10% to maaser off each paycheck.

My dh doesn't either. He also said that he doesn't have to because we're barely managing. I disagree, but I asked a rav and he said it's not my problem. He does give tzedakah though.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 10:06 pm
amother wrote:
Do any of your husbands not give the required 10% ma'aser to Tzedakah? How do you convince him to give it?


Just wondering - how many kids do you have and do you pay full tuition?
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amother




Brown


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 10:28 pm
We always set aside the 10% in a separate maaser account. However, right now we're in some financial difficulty, so often we end up taking the money back to pay our bills. However we always set is aside first with the hope that we can give it away.
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mommy3b2c









  


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 10:42 pm
My husband doesn't put aside either and there's nothing I can do about it, but he gives a lot of tzedaka and so do I so I'm pretty sure we give Maaser+ anyway.
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amother




Firebrick


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 10:52 pm
My husband and me were brought up in households that didn't give maser. Both families, and us give plenty of Tzedaka... but it doesn't have to be exact. Stop bugging your husband. Tuition can be included as maser, as well other expenses. As the poster above said, pick ur battles...keep out of this one!!
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RebekahsMom









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 12:24 am
I was just talking today about my (step)MIL, 9 children and her husband passed away. She taught them that what you can't give financially, you give in time/ service. (That was more towards those that said they struggle to give).

Maaser is important. But giving grudgingly is not good. And if he is set in his decision, then the fight will only cause issues between you. Daven for a change of heart, then bring it up rarely, without arguing if he isn't ready to discuss.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 8:04 am
We were advised that if bh one day we became rich to give masser with a bli neder because it is a neder.

Some hold it's not a neder but a minhag.

Most frum families could not do it missing a tenth of their income, unless MAYBE they cover all living expenses first.

I suggest you work and give that part to maaser.
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Blessing1









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 8:09 am
We where told that tuition for girls can be masser. Not for boys because boys have a chiyuv to learn. We don't put aside 10%.
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simba









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 9:36 am
if he is the one earning the money it is between him and G-D. Do not take charge of that relationship.
If you are earning money and you want to give maaser from it he should respect that.
If you want to show your kids Tzedaka is important keep change on you and some individual packed snacks in the car to give to people who you pass by that are in need.
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WhatFor









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 9:41 am
Just because someone mentioned it was minhag, not Halacha - is it really?

I thought I remember learning this straight out of the Chumash as a kid in elementary school, but maybe I'm remembering wrong.
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simba









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 9:42 am
WhatFor wrote:
Just because someone mentioned it was minhag, not Halacha - is it really?

I thought I remember learning this straight out of the Chumash as a kid in elementary school, but maybe I'm remembering wrong.


Ask a Rav, I believe in the Chumash it is referring to your crop. Maybe if you have a feild today it would be considered Halacha.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 9:51 am
WhatFor wrote:
Just because someone mentioned it was minhag, not Halacha - is it really?

I thought I remember learning this straight out of the Chumash as a kid in elementary school, but maybe I'm remembering wrong.


"Someone"? people here asked shailos.

It is also not relevant even in circles who hold it's a must, if you get help from community, state or family.

TZEDAKA has nothing to do with this and in theory even a beggar should give TZEDAKA.
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amother




Ecru


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 10:33 am
I never heard of not giving maaser. I didn't know it was optional in any way, unless someone is poor according to halachic parameters (aka your rabbi says not to give). Since my first babysitting or mothers helper job, my mother gave me an envelope and we labeled it maaser. It sat in my underwear drawer for years. Every time I made even a dollar, 10% went in. Never stopped the practice. although now my husband and I keep track in a notebook and not with an envelope. When we first got married, my husband was all like, I don't know, were in Kollel, so I said ok ask a rav if he says not to, we won't.
Ps. I had no idea growing up if my father gave maaser (now I know he gives a lot of tzedakah) - this was my mothers initiative, and all my siblings did the same. When someone came The door, sibling selling raffle tickets, etc. , we gave from our envelopes.
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rydys









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 12:43 pm
maaser is very complicated. my husband tried to explain it to me once but it got too complicated for me. It is not straight 10% of what comes into the house, it does depend on expenses. For example, girls Yiddish tuition can be deducted pre-maaser, as can certain other expenses.
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imasoftov









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 2:40 pm
WhatFor wrote:
I thought I remember learning this straight out of the Chumash as a kid in elementary school, but maybe I'm remembering wrong.

simba wrote:
Ask a Rav, I believe in the Chumash it is referring to your crop. Maybe if you have a feild today it would be considered Halacha.

Rabbinical opinions vary, the plain meaning in the Chumash is that maaser applies to crops (and Chazal teach that it only applies within the halachic boundaries of the Land of Israel), while those who view maaser of income as a Torah obligation derive it from a drash on the word "all" that appears in one of the pesukim about maaser - this drash appears in a variant of the Sifrei preserved in Tosafot, but not in our editions of the Sifrei which may be part of why opinions vary so much.

There's also maaser on animals, which was practiced when the mikdash stood, but that's not like maaser of crops (or money) which is given to others, maaser animals were brought to the mikdash where some of the animal went to the mizbeach or the cohanim, but most of it remained the property of the original owner.
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amother




Lemon


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 6:08 pm
simba wrote:
if he is the one earning the money it is between him and G-D. Do not take charge of that relationship.
If you are earning money and you want to give maaser from it he should respect that.
If you want to show your kids Tzedaka is important keep change on you and some individual packed snacks in the car to give to people who you pass by that are in need.



I for one would like to make all financial decisions with my husband regardless of who's earning it. I don't pick and choose what he has a say in. I choose that he has a say in everything. It's his money as much as mine.
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