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Can I force my kid to be toilet trained?

 
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amother




Lemon


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:25 pm
My son is over 3. His new playgroup has rules that all kids must be potty trained. He is not yet. I've tried so many times. He says he doesn't want to. I've used countless bribes. Doesn't work.
He knows how to actually use the potty - he's done it about 3-4 times- but doesn't tell me when he needs to go, and often doesn't want to go.
The school wants me to change his diapers, understandably, but that's crazy because it interrupts my workday etc.
I'm thinking of keeping him home from school and just forcing him to get trained by not letting him wear a diaper.
I feel so mean, but I feel like there's no other choice! He refuses to do it willingly and he needs to get it done!
Help!
He is my oldest and I don't have experience with this.
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Iymnok









  


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:34 pm
Toilet training in less than a day.
You can likely get it anywhere that sells used books.
Ebay: http://www.ebay.com/itm/Toilet.....Swj85YPS8y
It worked very well for my sister and me -and some friends.
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amother




Tan


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:35 pm
will be following this thread...
my dd is also over three in a school that requires her be potty trained. She'll be potty trained and then regress and then be potty trained and regress. She does poop in the toilet just not always.
I've tried taking off the diaper, we've had poop everwhere- in her underwear if she's wearing, on the floor if she's not ;(
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Jewishmom8









  


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:38 pm
NO
You cant force a kid to be toilet trained.
It will take WAAY longer that way and will put them off from doing it.
when they are ready they are ready and forcing it backfires.
MANY kids are trained well into age three.
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Rosemarie









  


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:38 pm
That's is exactly how I toilet train. When I feel my child is ready, that he knows what to do, I leave him without underwear (usually no pants either, just a longer undershirt or shirt) and stay home with him. Then we make a huge deal when he does it in the bathroom, calling everyone and anyone... When he does it on the floor, just matter of factly clean up together and talk about doing it in the toilet next time. It usually doesn't take more that a few days like that. It's not mean. Letting him soil a diaper all the time is perhaps just as mean.

Good luck!
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miami85









  


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:44 pm
As an experienced parent and educator, I would say "no." In my mind there are several factors that contribute to toilet training, and it can be a long stretched out process.

1)Cognitive/behavior--knowing what needs to happen, this is often the first step, knowing that toilet means that you "go" in it--this is the easiest to "train" but it is only the tip of the iceberg. Once you've conquered this step, the other 2 have to be in place in order for you to give up diapers completely.
2) Biological--often underestimated, but it is hormones that trigger the "urge" to go, but also controls the "dam" and allows the body to release and also to withhold and wait until you can get to the bathroom. think about it, if you were to put on a Depends for a day, would you just be able to use it? What stops you from "going" in your sleep?
3)Social/Emotional--The ability to be responsible for the process and make it to the bathroom . Not needing reminders, understanding that they are "big" now and not a "baby." Needing to be changed is an opportunity for attention. Most young children don't develop the "yuck" factor until 3-4 yrs old--especially boys--meaning they don't consider being dirty or wet something unpleasant.

From a developmental perspective "toilet training" is not considered to be a delay until 4 yrs old. My boys were not fully trained until at least 3.5, one closer to 4. My daughter is 2.5 and has been in "toilet training" since 18 months from her initiative, but she hasn't gotten the 2nd and 3rd element, so still working on it. Fortunately, I've never had the pressure to toilet train my kids (one school officially wanted my son trained by "Chanuka" but the teacher understood that he wasn't ready and didn't make a big deal about it). I personally never understood the "parent changing diaper" policy--I mean I understand it b/c they don't want to have the responsibility to do it, but often the last piece in the puzzle is that "attention" factor and having mommy/daddy come change me is frustrating for the parent, and desirable to the child. Why would the child WANT to give that up???
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amother




Silver


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 1:09 pm
Try reading "Oh ****! Potty Training" by Jaimie Glowacki. It is super helpful!
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 1:56 pm
I have trained many kids already but my dd has zero interest.! So if that just may be the case with your ds-good luck!
With a mind of her own forcing her doesnt help as she has no issue doing her business anywhere... I just keep thinking one day she'll want it bad enough! As for now I'm home w her as noone wants an untrained 3 yr old. And I can't work...
sympathy to u!
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Raisin









  


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 2:58 pm
With my kids I basically took away all nappies and pullups. (use mats on their bed - although once they are toilet trained properly at daytime I do use pullups for nights) Gave them underwear. Stayed home for a couple of days and most of them got the hang of it pretty quickly.

With a couple of my kids it took much much longer. One was fine with peeing but pooping took years. My youngest took forever. When I saw it wasn't working I stopped and tried again a few weeks later.
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lucky14









  


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 4:04 pm
Rosemarie wrote:
That's is exactly how I toilet train. When I feel my child is ready, that he knows what to do, I leave him without underwear (usually no pants either, just a longer undershirt or shirt) and stay home with him. Then we make a huge deal when he does it in the bathroom, calling everyone and anyone... When he does it on the floor, just matter of factly clean up together and talk about doing it in the toilet next time. It usually doesn't take more that a few days like that. It's not mean. Letting him soil a diaper all the time is perhaps just as mean.

Good luck!


Do you have carpeting? If so how do you clean it up properly? We've had a few accidents in the house, but I can imagine with this method there would be many and I'm worried about stains and smells.
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amother




Brown


Post  Mon, Sep 11 2017, 7:13 pm
miami85 wrote:
As an experienced parent and educator, I would say "no." In my mind there are several factors that contribute to toilet training, and it can be a long stretched out process.

1)Cognitive/behavior--knowing what needs to happen, this is often the first step, knowing that toilet means that you "go" in it--this is the easiest to "train" but it is only the tip of the iceberg. Once you've conquered this step, the other 2 have to be in place in order for you to give up diapers completely.
2) Biological--often underestimated, but it is hormones that trigger the "urge" to go, but also controls the "dam" and allows the body to release and also to withhold and wait until you can get to the bathroom. think about it, if you were to put on a Depends for a day, would you just be able to use it? What stops you from "going" in your sleep?
3)Social/Emotional--The ability to be responsible for the process and make it to the bathroom . Not needing reminders, understanding that they are "big" now and not a "baby." Needing to be changed is an opportunity for attention. Most young children don't develop the "yuck" factor until 3-4 yrs old--especially boys--meaning they don't consider being dirty or wet something unpleasant.

From a developmental perspective "toilet training" is not considered to be a delay until 4 yrs old. My boys were not fully trained until at least 3.5, one closer to 4. My daughter is 2.5 and has been in "toilet training" since 18 months from her initiative, but she hasn't gotten the 2nd and 3rd element, so still working on it. Fortunately, I've never had the pressure to toilet train my kids (one school officially wanted my son trained by "Chanuka" but the teacher understood that he wasn't ready and didn't make a big deal about it). I personally never understood the "parent changing diaper" policy--I mean I understand it b/c they don't want to have the responsibility to do it, but often the last piece in the puzzle is that "attention" factor and having mommy/daddy come change me is frustrating for the parent, and desirable to the child. Why would the child WANT to give that up???


Not sure where you or OP are located but where I live a school has to be licensed as a day care center for the teachers to be legally allowed to change diapers. My toddler is currently in a preschool that also operates a day care so I don't feel pressured to toilet train her until she's ready. Next year I would like her to go to preschool in an elementary school but she will have to be trained. I learned with my older daughter that legally the teachers are not allowed to touch a child in the relevant areas even if they have an accident. They can talk a child through cleaning herself up or they will call a parent to deal with it. It sounds terrible but the law is there to protect both the children and the staff.
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Emotional









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 1:01 am
I kinda wonder with my own son. He's 3.5 already, but I don't want to start the process unless I'm sure he's ready. Whenever I broach the topic of being "big" and making in the toilet and "no more diapers, his attitude is like "yeah, whatever. Maybe one day."
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Rosemarie









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 9:23 am
lucky14 wrote:
Do you have carpeting? If so how do you clean it up properly? We've had a few accidents in the house, but I can imagine with this method there would be many and I'm worried about stains and smells.

No carpeting anywhere in my house so cleanup is very simple. But if you do have carpeting, try to stay in a non carpeted area of the house for all/most of the day. Set yourself with toys and food and plan to stay with him alot the first day
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Rosemarie









  


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 9:28 am
Raisin wrote:
With my kids I basically took away all nappies and pullups. (use mats on their bed - although once they are toilet trained properly at daytime I do use pullups for nights) Gave them underwear. Stayed home for a couple of days and most of them got the hang of it pretty quickly.

With a couple of my kids it took much much longer. One was fine with peeing but pooping took years. My youngest took forever. When I saw it wasn't working I stopped and tried again a few weeks later.

If after a good few days it is making no progress at all, not even sometimes in the toilet... Then it's time to give it a break and try again when your child is more ready. I have had to do that. Because if your child is ready, stopping Pampers cold turkey is usually just fine, and if they are not ready, they will just do it all over. No one seemed traumatized either way
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amother




Azure


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 3:33 pm
Rosemarie wrote:

But if you do have carpeting, try to stay in a non carpeted area of the house for all/most of the day. Set yourself with toys and food and plan to stay with him alot the first day


That would limit us to our small kitchen and even smaller bathroom. Sad
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Tue, Sep 12 2017, 11:19 pm
amother wrote:
Not sure where you or OP are located but where I live a school has to be licensed as a day care center for the teachers to be legally allowed to change diapers. My toddler is currently in a preschool that also operates a day care so I don't feel pressured to toilet train her until she's ready. Next year I would like her to go to preschool in an elementary school but she will have to be trained. I learned with my older daughter that legally the teachers are not allowed to touch a child in the relevant areas even if they have an accident. They can talk a child through cleaning herself up or they will call a parent to deal with it. It sounds terrible but the law is there to protect both the children and the staff.


I'm not sure that where I live that that is entirely true, b/c I was a special ed preschool teacher for several years, and that's not "day care" and we had to change diapers. I don't know all the ins and outs legally, but my son's preschool didn't force children to be toilet trained until mid-year--and they were a legal preschool, so either they were "licensed" as a day care--and quite possibly preschools in elementary schools are different, in my case it was a stand-alone preschool-- or it could be that its just a hindrance and that they don't want to be responsible--because if you have 1 teacher and 1 assistant and 20 kids having one constantly in the bathroom reduces the ratio and it can be unsafe. Because its somewhat unreasonable to expect that a 3 yr old will NEVER have an accident, or that they will be able to handle an accident all by him/herself--not only is that not sanitary, effective, and probably more embarrassing, letting a child sit all day in a soiled garment I believe falls under abuse/neglect, but I don't believe that forcing parents to come down to change their child is a smart or helpful way of dealing with accidents.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Wed, Sep 13 2017, 7:26 am
One of my kids adamantly refused. We bribed. In the end the kid didn't even come to collect the bribe anymore and hardly had an accident? Was the kid ready? You bet.
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