Expectations from others when you spend Sukkot in Israel

amother

Coral

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 9:56 am

Iy"h my son will be going to Israel for the year to learn. We will like to spend Sukkos with him in Yerushalaim. We are pricing the option of staying in a hotel vs. renting an apartment and cooking.
To invite guests (I.e. Son's friends) for meals in a hotel is very pricey. Is my son expected to invite his friends for all the meals? Have them sleep with us? I am very confused what is expected of my husband and myself. I don't want to be taken advantage of either. I also don't want to ring up a huge bill with Yeshiva boys eating all the Yom Tov meals with us in a hotel.
I also heard you can prepay in restaurants second night. Would it be okay if my son just invites his friends for second day meals and not allow them to come to the hotel or will he look cheap? Am I just better off going to an apartment and cooking so my son can extend more of an open invite. I am so confused.

essie14

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 10:06 am

I don't think there's any expectations. If you want to spend the time and money, you can invite guests. If you want to enjoy a vacation with your son, do what you prefer. Yeshiva guys shouldn't feel entitled to anything.
IMO, you don't owe ANYONE a restaurant or hotel dinner.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 10:07 am

Whatever you do is fine, as long as you are clear about it. So say, we'd like to have you for lunch the second day. Or don't invite at all. Again, just be clear. If you say something like you're planning a family lunch, the rude guest will respond but I won't get in the way. You need to use the word no.

Of course, it really is nice to extend hospitality if you can.

amother

Coral

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 10:15 am

I know I can do what I want but I want to know how most people handle it with their son's friends. I don't want my son looking like the bad guy and not hosting and people calling him stingey etc. but also I don't want four yeshiva guys moving in for eight days.

Marion

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 10:24 am

Get an apartment and even take out for everyone will be cheaper than a hotel.

SixOfWands

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 10:49 am

amother wrote:

Many yeshivas are closed for Sukkot, so yes, it is likely that some of your son's friends would welcome a place to stay, albeit not for the entire chag. (At least amongst the MO, most yeshiva kids rent an air b'n'b for chol hamoed.). We have no family in Israel, so I remain eternally grateful to the families that hosted my oldest for the first and last days, and particularly to the wonderful people who opened their apartment at the last minute to a bunch of boys who were in Yerusahlayim at the time of the first of the terror/ramming attacks last year (immediately after Sukkot), and who were frightened to take the bus back to their school, which was not in Yerushalayim; may Hashem continue to bless them. But I don't think less of people who didn't host, especially if they were in hotels instead of apartments.

That said, it is customary to take your child's closest friends out for a meal. It doesn't have to be an expensive or fancy meal, but something more solid than typical yeshiva fare. Not everyone from yeshiva, not the fanciest place. Since the kids will likely be scattered with families and friends during the chag itself, this would probably be chol hamoed.

FTR, we were much happier renting an apartment. It gave the kids their own rooms, let us cook some meals, have takeout for some meals, and then eat out judiciously. And yes, it let us meet and host many of DS1's friends without breaking the bank.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 10:59 am

SixOfWands wrote:

At least amongst the MO, most yeshiva kids rent an air b'n'b for chol hamoed.

.
We're MO and I've never heard of this. I guess we move in different circles. You learn something new every day.

SixOfWands

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 11:49 am

amother wrote:

.
We're MO and I've never heard of this. I guess we move in different circles. You learn something new every day.

Where did your sons attend yeshiva? Curious to know where it's not common.

causemommysaid

Sun, Feb 12 2017, 11:57 am

There's no expectations but it would be nice to host a few friends for second day lunch since it's hard to find people who are celebrating second day. If you do a restaurant you can pre order specific food so you know what your bill will be beforehand.

amother

Coral

Tue, Feb 14 2017, 11:50 am

Thank you for all your replies. My son will be attending a black hat yeshiva.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Feb 14 2017, 11:56 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Where did your sons attend yeshiva? Curious to know where it's not common.

Hesder yeshivas

amother

Orange

Tue, Feb 14 2017, 4:10 pm

Agree with the others. One meal with friends is nice and generous. Your priority is to have good quality time with your son and a special yom tov. Even shopping, cooking and cleaning for one meal will take more time and effort on vacation than it does at home.

amother

Coral

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 9:20 am

Thank you!
I am getting calls around the clock to host Boys and girls for meals and I am not even close with their parents and their kids are not in the same yeshiva as mine. These people never call me. Also everyone is asking me to take stuff for their children.

abound

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 9:25 am

People will ask you to host, because the kids are desperate for second day meals. The sems mostly provide meals but the kids wanna go out, you can just say nicely, sorry it will not work for me. They will ask you to take things, take what you are comfortable and what you have room for. For all the things you do not want to or cannot take, say, sorry I am full. Host one meal for your sons friends and give him a cap of how many boys you want to host, 4, 10 etc. I would say tell him two less than your cap so that he wont go over the max. Do it in a prepaid restaurant so it will be easier, cooking is diff in Israel. You can also come wiht frozen food prepared at home, that may make it cheaper too.

amother

Coral

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 9:34 am

I am okay taking my sons friends for a meal. But I am getting all these aquaintenances asking for meals for their kids. We have limited space in the Sukkah in the rental apartment to host. I don't want to pay for a larger sukkah to accommodate everyone. And I think it's more important for my son to have his roommate vs a random boy from my neighborhood that I never said hello to or the boy never said hello to my son. And then we have people looking for space for their daughters too.

SixOfWands

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

As I said last year, people are desperate. It is, IMNSHO, a ridiculous system. The kids are in Israel barely a month, and they're supposed to find places to stay for an entire 6-day chag. (I say 6, because a lot of yeshivas require that the kids come back for Simchat Torah.) Its a real challenge for the kids with no close family in Israel.

Its fine for you to say no. But please take pity on the young men and women who have no one there, and try to host them instead of even closer friends who have a lot of friends and relatives they can spend time with.

And my annual thank you to DS1's hosts. Get ready for the next one, maybe, next year. (And folks whose kids are being hosted, SEND SOMETHING TO THE HOSTS. They're putting themselves out for your kids.)

amother

Coral

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 10:09 am

I have friends that hosted people's sons and daughters in the past in hotels and apartments and the mother of the kids never had the decency to call them and thank them. And of course all the boys and girls walked in without a gift.

Iymnok

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 10:13 am

The kids should be making their own plans. Why are the parents, halfway across the glob, planning their meals?
IME the teachers often host or there is a placement option.

Host his friends and your friends kids.

SixOfWands

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 10:21 am

Iymnok wrote:

The kids should be making their own plans. Why are the parents, halfway across the globe, planning their meals?
IME the teachers often host or there is a placement option.

Host his friends and your friends kids.

Why do parents help find places for their kids? Desperation.

amother

Coral

Tue, Dec 26 2017, 9:43 am

Just to update we went for Sukkos and hosted at least 15- 20 different boys over Yom Tov. We did not receive one thank you phone call from a parent and only 3-4 kids brought a bottle of wine.