what to tell my kids about jews dressing more immodest

amother

Sienna

Sun, Sep 17 2017, 6:48 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

I dare say that as in past threads, MO are not real Jews. This thread will get to 20 pages of bashing MO before it get's locked.

Whereas the thread about the Netflix documentary on ex-Chassidish people got locked at, what, 4, 5 pages?

SixOfWands

Sun, Sep 17 2017, 7:05 pm

amother wrote:

Whereas the thread about the Netflix documentary on ex-Chassidish people got locked at, what, 4, 5 pages?

Nowhere on that thread was any Chasidish Rabbi referred to as not "legit."

Nowhere were the practices of Chasidish people referred to as outside the bounds of Othodox Judaism.

Nowhere on that thread did people ask how to explain to their kids that they had Chasidish relatives who clearly acted outside the bounds of Halacha when acting in accordance with their rabbis' rulings. Or were people bemoaning the horrors that would befall their kids if they were exposed to Chasidish people.

Rather, people were attacking the people who appeared in a yet unreleased film, calling them unbalanced and mentally ill. Actually, I bowed out when that was deemed acceptable. Because in my opinion, it never is. And particularly in this case, where no one has seen the film.

But if you want to start a thread on ills affecting the MO community that causes people to leave, which might be a better parallel, go ahead. So long as you intend it to be constructive.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 12:26 am

amother wrote:

This is op.
Just to clarify, im staying by frum relatives but my modern relatives are coming too. Really this question of mine is not just about immodesty but in general how to deal with close relatives who do different things that is against halacha(im not talking about heterim).

OP, about relatives who differently than you, here is how we dealt with it when our oldest was 5. We were visiting relatives over seas. The parents were not frum but didnt do anything openly while we were there with young kids. But then before shabbos dinner relatives started coming, in cars. When supper was over, we all happened to go outside to say good bye and our 5 year old asked us why they were driving in cars (so we arent talking different standards of tzius, we are talking outright aveira) and I told my child that different people learn differently about everything we know hashem to want us to do or not. And for the 5 year old that was enough. That same child, over the years, has come to understand that those relatives dont keep what we keep and its not a big deal at all. Its a non issue.
If you dont make something an issue, it wont be one (think of that)

imasoftov

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 9:34 am

Squishy wrote:

Paleeeezzzz!

My rabbi has been attacked several different times by MO posters on here and his legitimacy challenged.

I didn't have one MO poster saying how wrong this was.

Do you remember Barbara? She trolled one poster with her signature line mocking her specific Rabbi. This was as a result of a thread. The Poster was extremely distressed by this. I had to ask a couple of mods to make her change it. I think I may have challenged it on the main board because there was no action. I didn't see MOs saying this was not nice.

As I don't know who your rabbi is, and don't remember Barbara's signature (she last posted in 2015), I also don't know what was said about either rabbi, whether it was equivalent to "no hes [sic] not legit", or how I would respond (or perhaps did). Or maybe I even attacked him myself. No way for me to know unless you tell me.

amother

Gold

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 3:34 pm

Another crimson, I'm the op.

I disagree with "if you don't make something an issue,it wont be one"

My kids will ask even if I don't say anything.

Furthermore, if a child asks about something and the adult tries not to "make it an issue" which means answer without really answering, then the child will form his her own view which may be "wrong" or will ask others his question. My parents tried "not to make it an issue" which is wrong as I didn't learn the proper way to view others who are different or breaking halachas.

I posted bc I don't know how to answer but to say "they learned differently" is not true in my case bc my relatives went to the same schools I went to.

amother

Amber

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 3:45 pm

amother wrote:

I think you're overestimating how much your kids are thinking. I get that they think and ask a lot, and that you don't want to do to them what your parents did to you- but keep that in mind for when they're older. At 6 years old, a child's mind is usually not that sophisticated. You'll explain more and be more comprehensive and thorough as the years go by. Don't feel like you have to grab at a different approach already at this age. I'm the one who said I brush off my kids. I won't always do that. For now they're little and they're talking about the squirrel a few minutes later. Give as minimal an answer as possible, don't elaborate- you're making it all much more complicated than need be. As they get older youll slowly explain more.
But of course, your mom and it's your right to do it you're way Very Happy

princessleah

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 4:38 pm

amother wrote:

Cmon be nice, im the op.

Im staying by my frum relatives and these modern frum relatives are coming too. They are the nicest people and im looking foward to spending time with them, but I am not staying at their house.

OP, are these MODERN ORTHODOX relatives? Or Modern as in "not frum???" What do they do that actually violates halacha, according to MO perspective (e.g., having your elbows showing, or even your knees showing, is not considered assur in all MO communities). That will make your response different.

Also, you said you are not trying to bash anyone, but singling out RAV Avi Weiss, and questioning his smicha, is beyond deplorable. Do you know how many Jewish lives he has saved through his activism, particularly his work to save Russian refuseniks in the 80's? Have you been to his shul, where he welcomes and makes feel comfortable people of all ages, races, genders and abilities? He has done a great deal for the Jewish people, certainly tons more than most of us wasting time on this message board. That was pure lashon harah and motzei shem rah.

Last edited by princessleah on Mon, Sep 18 2017, 4:51 pm; edited 1 time in total