My kids smack me...and each other

amother

Pink

Tue, Sep 19 2017, 10:38 pm

All the time. It's how they voice their frustrations and disappointments, how they react when they get angry.
I'm not a smackers, hardly ever do if at all. And if my kid smacks me I refuse to do it back, it won't teach them that it's wrong. How can I deal with it? I must stop this behavior it's awful. Time out doesn't work since they just come out, don't care. Taking away a privilege or facing a consequence (like early bedtime) also doesn't seem to have any effect. Kids are ages 3, 5 and 6.

Tzutzie

Wed, Sep 20 2017, 3:06 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I would hold their hand down (firmly) if they smack. I have found that kids find this unpleasant and this might stop the behavior.

This. I'm working on it with my 4 yo. Then I tell her that we use our mouth to communicate.

My 2 yo started smacking too. For her it doesn't work. She just gets all riled up from it. She's a mini houdini and can twist herself out from any hold.
Point is to stop the behaviors, very careful not to hurt them in the process. So she slips or and pinches, punches and goes crazy. It just makes it work.

Lately timeout works for a few minutes.... till something doesn't go exactly as she wants. ....

Mommyg8

Wed, Sep 20 2017, 3:09 am

Tzutzie wrote:

2 years old may just be too young to be able to control her own behavior... you may just need to wait to be mechanich her until she's a little older.

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 20 2017, 8:44 am

amother wrote:

Where do you think your children are picking up on the "smacking" behavior? Are they modeling it from somewhere? ( day care, relatives, another care giver)

Also, I never used the word "Time out" when it came to punishing my kids. I would use a strong, firm and louder voice and tell them they are "punished for x, Y, z" Then place them in the most undesirable and safest place in the house that I can see. If they moved from their spot I would bring them back. Even if I had to watch them while they were in "time out" I would make sure they would stay their for the duration.

Yes, they would cry and kick and tantrum for 5 minutes or so. But when the time out was over, I would tell them again why they were punished and that they must apologize. I also warned them, if they repeat the behavior they will be "punished" again.

I dont like the word "time out" because, the child does not grasp the wrongfulness of his or her behavior. I leave the word 'time out" for the teachers in school where it is more appropriate.

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 20 2017, 8:48 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

2 years old may just be too young to be able to control her own behavior... you may just need to wait to be mechanich her until she's a little older.

I agree with this. A strong "No, you dont hit" would work best for your 2 year old.The older ones need the "time outs"

Tzutzie

Wed, Sep 20 2017, 8:51 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

2 years old may just be too young to be able to control her own behavior... you may just need to wait to be mechanich her until she's a little older.

She's closer to three. And bh she does have some control. Which I expect her to exersize.

But once I hold her hands away she losses it.
That's why I take her to her room. Tell her to count and then she can come out and apologize.

"We don't hit" gets her in that gotcha mood where it's a lot more fun to do it Confused

Anyway, that works for my kid.

Alao, I don't veiw taking a kid to theie room as a "punishment".
I tell my 4 yo that taking her to her room is so that she can calm down and regroup.

Sometimes adults also need a timeout.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Sep 20 2017, 11:04 am

There is only one rule in my house punishable by time out, and that is using hands to hurt. The second it happens, I pick up the child, put them in their room and say calmly, "it is never allowed to hit." If the child tries to run away, I will hold the door closed and count until 10. Then I open the door, hold the child, and say, "are you ready to act appropriately?" Then I let them come out. If they hit again, I repeat the process until they stop. This method is incredibly effective, and my 6 year old who always hit never hits anymore, after about 2 months of doing this consistently. I am now starting this with my 3 year old.