boys and sports | Imamother

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 11:56 am

In the thread regarding a family with an 8 year old boy making "yerida", someone mentioned that knowing the sport the boys play is important so that he will fit in. This got me thinking about my own 10 year old son, who does not play sports. I don't know how to play sports and neither does my husband, so we've never really shown him anything. When he was in Pre-1A I sent him to all the after-school sports programs, and I think he enjoyed the ices they gave out more than anything else. After that year he wasn't interested in going to any more extra sports and even sports during gym or recess, he wasn't interested in. He likes computer games and reading. B"H, he's smart and a good speller and can shine in other things that go with his personality, but not naturally for sports. The few times that he has tried playing, he said other kids made fun of him. He has 2 good friends who are more or less like him. My question is as kids get older, do sports get to be more and more important? Can I hope that wherever he is for high school, he will find at least a couple of friends who can appreciate him for who he is and not be made to feel inferior because of his lack of ability for sports? Should I be trying to help my son in someway regarding sports and if yes, how? Also, what if he is not interested at all - just don't push it?

amother

Emerald

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 12:10 pm

amother wrote:

Depending on what type of school he is in, sports can play and important role. I would say that in my sons case, it was a good "equalizer". He is in 12th grade now and has poor social skills. Being good at sports and always participating with the boys during recess has helped him tremendously. There is no question that without sports my son would have been lost. If your son has decent social skills and the other kids enjoy being around him then he won't necessarily need sports to help him along.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 12:32 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for your reply. So my son is a pretty intense personality (not easygoing at all) and he had a pretty hard start at Pre1A socially (he had not known any of kids from before-gone to a different kindergarten) and somehow was hard for him to make friends easily and break in to the class). B"H things have gotten much better progressively year after year since then and I would say he's pretty comfortable in his own little group of friends with similar interests, but not so much with other kids in the class and every now and then, he has issues with some kids in the class.

SixOfWands

Thu, Sep 28 2017, 1:55 pm

amother wrote:

Your son is your son, and his interests are his interests. You shouldn't force him to do things that he doesn't enjoy.

That said, there are so many different forms of sport and exercise, its difficult to believe that there isn't something that he would enjoy. Maybe he doesn't like team sports, but he would enjoy martial arts, or tennis, or swimming, or ice skating, or biking. And the fact that he didn't enjoy something when he was 4 or 5 doesn't mean that he shouldn't be exposed to it again at 10. I'm speaking more from a POV of keeping our kids active and healthy, and ensuring that physical activity is always a part of their lives, than from a social standpoint. We always required that our kids participate in one fall and one spring physical activity. There are also open and instructional leagues where kids should not be teasing others for their lack of skill or experience; seek them out instead of pick-up games where the kids may be more athletic.

The importance of sports will of course vary by community. That said, boys often speak the language of sports, even if they don't play. A basic understanding will stand him in good stead as he grows up. So even if he never plays hockey, he should know what a penalty box is; and even if he never plays basketball, he should be familiar with what it means to foul out.

Amarante

Fri, Sep 29 2017, 11:05 am

I quite agree with Sixofwands.

I think exercise or physical activity is an important habit for children to pick up so they carry it through to adulthood.

However, I don't think team sports are the only way to do it. Since your son has friends and has interests, sports teams aren't necessary to improve his social interaction. Perhaps if he didn't have friends and was unhappy, it would be different but even then there are activities that aren't team oriented, that would serve the dual purpose of providing physical activity and being in an environment where it is easy to make friends.

I am not even sure that team sports are the best way to go for a child who isn't particularly athletic as most teams revolve around prowess and those with lesser abilities often don't really get much of a chance to participate.

Encouraging movement is I think extremely important. And if your whole family isn't movement oriented, perhaps it would be good to start including some family type things which are movement oriented - walking, hiking or even jogging together. Biking. Training for one of the charity walks serves a dual purpose. Or skills classes.

mommish613

Fri, Sep 29 2017, 11:35 am

My son suffered socially for years. He is extremely bright and deep thinking and terrible at sports! Some well-meaning friends with older boys advised me to get him Involved more. I tried so many things- after school programs, bought a tether ball for the backyard, a basketball hoop etc..I was even thinking of hiring a one on one coach to help him with basketball. The more I pushed the more he pulled away. I would sometimes find him "practicing" basketball with a little mini basketball on the lowest possible setting. He felt so good that he could actually score instead of hanging out on the sidelines. I so badly wanted him to succeed and fit in and help him climb out of the social awkwardness (don't all parents want that?) but it became a power struggle so I let go.

Fast forward 4 years later (he's now 13)- it began when he started getting involved in actual sport stats- started listening to games on the radio, I got him a stats book. Apparently boys TALK a lot about sports too plus numbers was totally his thing so he really enjoyed it. Slowly but surely he would tell me he's going straight to the park from school to play baseball with friends. The next season he asked me to sign him up for Friday baseball. Apparently he discovered that while he can't play basketball very well he's great at baseball! Yay! And not too bad at football either LOL

Now his friends call all the time for him to join in their games.

My point is that pushing sometimes backfires. If he is happy and comfortable with himself than let him be. Eventually he will figure things out whether he wants to be more involved or not- but it has to come from himself in order to really work.