Please help me with my 6 yr old son

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 9:31 am

Hi,

Please help me and be honest with me,
I have 3 kids 6 yr old boy, 3 girl and baby

I try my best to be a good mother, I really do. I know I do too much and I should be asking kids to help out little more but they do help a little bit with fun jobs that they love doing
Anyway yesterday my son hurt the neighbor and I was really upset with him so I told him he needs to go to his room, and he also had to call to apologize ect.
Anyway later on I was sitting on couch and kids playing next to me , and Mt son and 3 yrs old daughter started fighting about Lego peices anyway I got very upset bc I felt My son wasn't sharing.
I told him he has to give her Lego ect

Anyway a few minutes later he started saying I want to end my life I have nothing to live for a he started talking like that.
I was so so shocked, where is this coming from?? He has everything he needs as far as I know bh very warm happy family, what is going on??

What am I doing wrong?

kugelzlady

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 9:36 am

I'm sorry, that sounds so hard.
Six year olds don't usually understand the permanency of death, so when they say things like that it doesn't always mean what it would mean if an adult said it. He might have heard someone else say that as a phrase of frustration and he's just repeating it to mean "I'm frustrated because I am having a bad day and I keep getting in trouble." You sound like a good mom - how would you respond to him if he had said that instead?

mommy3b2c

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 9:49 am

Just to make you feel better, my 9 year old talks like this sometimes. He's even grabbed a knife and threatened to cut off his head. I have no idea why he acts like this. He comes from a stable two parent home. He's smart and does great in school. He's a leader and has a lot of friends. He has whatever what he wants. Toys and books and games and clothing and shoes and sneakers and vacations and trips to museums and amusement parks and pizza and I cream shops and pretty much whatever else he wants. I hug and kiss him a lot and tell him how much I love him and I compliment all the good things he does. Please explain to me how this is a kid who has nothing to live for????
It's flabbergasting, but every human being is different and has a different emotional makeup. The answer is to get him therapy. Find the appropriate therapist, because the more emotionally healthy a person is, the better their life is because they have the tools to handle it.

LovesHashem

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 10:06 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Some people are born with more suicidal tendancies.

amother

Oak

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:56 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

LovesHashem wrote:

Some people are born with more suicidal tendancies.

Sometimes these these statements come from a sense of loneliness and are the initial roots of childhood depression. At least for me it was that way. I was a very sensitive kid and my parents did not understand my emotional world. I was wired differently to them. I remember being very angry at a very young age and out of sheer frustration I would imagine my own funeral and my parents being there and being sorry for not having listened to my cries for help. During later years as adolescent, I had un-diagnosed depression, low grade at that time, and in my early adulthood I had full blown clinical depression with suicidal feelings which were fantasies to escape the intense emotional pain and sense of being left to my own devices.

The difference though was that I never shared my early childhood feelings about my own funeral. So yes I agree, some children are born with suicidal tendencies or have the imagination to ruminate about suicide. So I definately agree with the statement from mummy 3b2c and I quote:

Find the appropriate therapist, because the more emotionally healthy a person is, the better
their life is because they have the tools to handle it.

But it certainly would have helped had I had therapy much earlier in life.

I'm not saying my case is the same as the op's six year old son, just sharing some observations from my life with the hope that it will help.

MyUsername

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 4:00 pm

My friend's son used to talk like this. The most important thing to understand is that they don't really mean they want to die, it is just because they are very frustrated and saying they want to die freaks out their parents and gets a response. It sounds like he wanted to hear that you care, and this was the most dramatic way he could do it. When he says it, you can say, wow, it sounds like you are really frustrated, do you want to talk about what's bothering you or what you need? You want to acknowledge his feelings, but without getting dragged into the dramatic place he's in.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 9:00 pm

Hi: I couldn't see this and not reply. One of my kids ( 9 years old) has pulled this stuff with me in the past. For him, it's been a method of manipulation/getting what he wants. The first time, I immediately focused on giving him all my attention,etc.... big mistake! It just fed and it he tried it again. Next time he did it, I called 911 and asked for a transport to the nearest pediatric psychiatric emergency room! The police came. They didn't take him anywhere, but it was enough of a scare for him. He learned that we take comments like that very seriously! That was the last time he pulled that shtick.
So look, it really depends on the situation. For my kid, it was just a way of getting attention. He BH does not have a psychiatric disorder that is not being treated. It was more of a need for him to have very strict limits and not allow him to push our buttons! But that doesn't mean that's the right approach for your kid.