How do I approach this?

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:19 pm

Let me preface this with the fact that I grew up in a home where Communication was nonexistent. Everyone fought and moved on. I never was able to discuss any private matters with my parents, let alone my mother. And it is so very important to me they I don't repeat this in my own home.
I have a very curious 7 year old daughter and I try to build an open relationship with her. And my goal is for her to feel comfortable with talking and telling me anything and I know she is with a lot of stuff. And I also know I can talk with her about things.

Last week I saw a tampon wrapper next to the garbage can in the bathroom. I checked and in the cab was an open tampon. I haven't approached her about this because honestly I have no idea what to say. In the past when she noticed the pads or tamppns I would say it's for very big girls and mommies and would just trail off. I know not the best but I was always caught off guard. So this time I guess she's not happy with my previous answers about them. But then tonight I found someone had move around a few pieces of lingerie. I know it wasnt my husband and it could possibly have been my child. But I have a strong feeling it was her. (She has once in the past taken a bra and tried it on and this had bra opened on top.)

I truly have no idea what to say. She is comfortable enough to admit if I ask her. But then what do I say? I plan to move the lingerie to a better place obviously. But what do I even say about the tampons and what happened there?

(We have been trying to stop allowing the kids to be in our room if we aren't there. As in there is no necessity to go in unless asked or we are in there and you are with us.)

I'm afraid to push her away from coming to me. but she didn't come, I need to go to her and I'm fine with that bec I want to set an example of being able to talk to one another. But I don't want to say the wrong thing or too much.

MagentaYenta

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:28 pm

Hmmm I was raised in your family of origin, it was not a laughing matter when my mother found I used sanitary napkins as a mattress for my doll. She positively went ballistic when my brother came out adorned with tampons hang off his buttons and belts one time...

I'm a very open parent my kids new about that stuff and personal privacy at your child's age. TBS it is not unusual for kids to explore their parents living space. Think about it, autonomy is important for child development, kids have no autonomy with regards to their space. Some share rooms, parents always have access to their stuff, parents control access to their stuff.

Just some thoughts. I'm sure there are Imas here with experience.

Chayalle

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:58 pm

Magenta, my BIL worked in an Orthodox girls sleepaway camp. One day my nephew got hold of a box of maxi pads. He stuck one onto his forehead and shared a few with friends. All the little boys marched around the camp with pads stuck to their heads till a grown-up caught on.....

OP it's not unusual for young children to be curious about big girl and Momymy stuff. And as much as you are open with her (good for you!) she will still want to explore some things on her own. Of course, teaching her about boundaries and respecting your privacy is an important part of communication too.

I found quite a few tampons in my DD's possession too, at one point...by now she knows what they are for so her curiosity has been satisfied, and she keeps out of that part of my vanity....

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 4:34 pm

amother wrote:

What on earth is wrong with her knowing about periods at seven? I'd be happy to explain to a seven-year old (boy or girl) that a tampon is used to stop menstrual blood from staining underwear. I would then explain that older girls and women bleed when they don't get pregnant each month. I would add as many facts as needed by the child in question. I would also explain that while it is ok to be curious about periods, it wasn't ok for DC to open the tampon or touch my things without my consent. It's possible she won't ask about the tampons though. My DC (male) did the same things with my tampons a few times (when he was younger than your DD) but never asked me what they were so I never told him.

imasinger

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 4:59 pm

"DD, I noticed that you had been looking a some of my things. I'm not mad at you. I just want to help you. If there is anything you are curious about, I'd like to answer your questions.

Is there something of mine in the bathroom that you found? Those things are something that mom's and older girls need. Would you like to learn about it together?"

(Pull out copy of appropriate book, which you have bought, like "The Wonder of Becoming You.")

And take it from there.

Opening this channel of communication is very, very important. Whatever you do not teach your DD yourself, you leave her vulnerable to learning from a less appropriate source. Her curiosity deserves answers.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 03 2017, 8:11 am

Thank you so much for the replies. I'm not sure what I would even say. I should teach her about periods already? She's only 7 and even though she is the oldest, she's still my baby. Shes already up to that?? I don't even own that book. This is pushing such a boundary for me because I still don't feel comfortable discussing this with my own mother and that "talk" was the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Needless to say I never told my Mother when I got my period and by the time she found out I had already had it more than once. I really don't want a repeat of that and I'm learning all this on my own. Trying to figure out how to build a open healthy relationship.

It wasn't just nightgowns (more lingerie and bras) but then again I saw everything wasn't completely out of place. What if she asks about that. How do I explain? Or not explain?

Parenting has just gotten so much more complicated.