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Damage to Another's Home (s/o Hosting Families)
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:07 am
Out of curiosity ...

If your child damages something in your host's home, what do you do?

Let's say your opens her sippy cup and pours a cup of juice on your host's couch, would you offer to pay to have it cleaned?

If your host didn't immediately see, would you tell her that there was a little spill in the living room, or that Moishele dumped a cup of juice?

Or your kid was playing ball in the den, and before you could tell him to stop, she broke a mirror. Would you offer to replace it?

What if it were a stained tablecloth? Would it matter if it were something expected (spilled grape juice from kiddush), something klutzy (knocking over a glass of wine) or something done purposely?

... just wondering because of some things I saw over the chag.
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N'sMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:09 am
The tablecloth is a different story bc the expectation is that it will be near food and drink. But for the other two I would absolutely offer to pay.
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purple 1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:15 am
N'sMom wrote:
The tablecloth is a different story bc the expectation is that it will be near food and drink. But for the other two I would absolutely offer to pay.

I agree.
Due to the proximity of the tablecloth to food one would expect it to get dirty
But breaking a mirror or spilling juice on the couch is expected
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:17 am
This is a good question. Once a family asked to come over to play (3 kids with mom). The three year old spent the time by my window, and methodically broke several slats in the mini blinds. Mom saw but said nothing. At that time we really didn't have money to replace the blinds, so I had to tape them because things like broken blinds make me feel messy. I felt sort of funny about it...does welcoming other children to play mean I should expect and swallow damage I would not allow my own kids to perform?
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:18 am
Anything broken or damaged by my children I would 100% offer to repair/ replace. I agree though that the tablecloth is different because messes are expected. We're serving red wine on white table cloths. Even when it's adults only things spill/ drip. That said, if I saw my child doing something out of the norm to ruin the table cloth (I.e. purposely smashing blueberries into it for example) then I think I would feel compelled to offer to dry clean it.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:00 pm
What about vomit on couches.
I had two incidents one with a child and one with a teenager on Purim (the parents were there).
Not one offered to pay to get the couches cleaned and I don't have the money to clean them professionally.
I cleaned it as well as I could but my family never wanted to sit on them after that. I have a problem with vomit as it is.
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LittleDucky




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:11 pm
Vomit on Purim is unfortunately expected... I don't understand it or welcome it (NO minors should be drinking, let alone enough to puke) but know that if I am hosting a seuda I should expect some vomit.
At the same time, I offer to either clean up the mess/repair it. I try to be on top of my kids when out of the house/ at other's houses. We do a clean me before we leave. And yes, once one of my kids did vomit and while we were there I tried to clean it plus I offered to clean it up after Shabos (but they refused).

I do not understand people who do not respect others property.
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amother
Sapphire


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:15 pm
I would 100% feel obligated to pay... but probably would not actually offer, because we don't have the money available to actually cover the cost of damage.

I think about this often, that maybe I should never borrow things or accept hospitality because we can't afford to replace if we damage things, and my kids ARE hard on things (despite my best attempts at supervision).
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:19 pm
If I would see my child methodically breaking something, I would stop it right away, and anything that was damaged before I intervened I would pay for. Recently one of my kids had an accident on a couch pillow. I took it home, washed the cover (pillow inside has a plastic cover) and returned it. If it was not washable, or I ruined it while washing, I would have ordered her a new one (I am far from rich, but it's basic respect and responsibility.)
What is harder, is when the host's child is also involved. But even so, I err on the side of caution and offer to pay my share.
Actually watching the damage being done, and not taking action....just boggles my mind.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:32 pm
I would offer to pay if it was something beyond what the host could reasonably expect given how the host has arranged things.

Spilling juice on the tablecloth is something that both adults and children do sometimes. It's part of tablecloth wear and tear. Same thing if a guest of any age accidentally drops a glass or plate. It happens.

Spilling juice on a couch, it depends. If the couch was in a den or playroom and the host was serving a bunch of children snacks and drinks there, then I'd consider an accidental spill to be within the normal range of what's expected. OTOH if my child purposely poured juice on the couch or my child took juice into an area where kids had not been invited and spilled accidentally, I'd offer to take care of it.

To me it all depends on the context of what I think the host can reasonably expect, given how and where the host is choosing to place guests and serve them.

I would never accept a guest's offer to pay or clean anything of mine, unless it was both truly egregious behavior AND a high cost item.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:34 pm
About fifteen years ago, a little girl fell asleep on our couch and had an accident. I didn't say anything when her parents came to pick her up, because she was older (6 or 7, I don't remember exactly now) and I didn't want to embarrass her. She must have told her mother because I got a call offering to pay for cleaning the couch. I thought that was very gracious, but I didn't accept because
1. It really was an accident.
2. The couch was pretty old.
I paid to clean it and haven't thought about the incident until now.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 5:06 pm
When I was little, I was at a friends house and we were playing catch in the house and broke a window. Their family had even less money than ours did, but it was both our fautls, so my parents and their parents agreed to split the cost of having the window replaced, but my parents could pay in installments if needed. Part of it came out of my allowance too.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 5:23 pm
we once stayed with a family and my son had a massive accident (poop and all) on a white upholstered chair. The chair was from Ikea. My husband drove to ikea, bought an new chair and gave it to the host - can't recall if he built it, possibly not due to lack of time.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 6:40 pm
I'm interested to hear your opinion about this situation, even though it was not an actual damage:
A few years ago, my family and I travelled to Europe and my little sister (13yo) spoke hours on her phone with a friend, not knowing that the bill will be very expensive. Bh the phone company stopped the line after few days when she reached 3000shekels or something like that (crazy I know).

What would you have done as the parents of the other girl? Would you've offered to pay a part of the bill even though it was always my sister who called?
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 6:45 pm
amother wrote:
I'm interested to hear your opinion about this situation, even though it was not an actual damage:
A few years ago, my family and I travelled to Europe and my little sister (13yo) spoke hours on her phone with a friend, not knowing that the bill will be very expensive. Bh the phone company stopped the line after few days when she reached 3000shekels or something like that (crazy I know).

What would you have done as the parents of the other girl? Would you've offered to pay a part of the bill even though it was always my sister who called?


OP -- no. The other family had no way of knowing what sort of phone plan your family had, and whether the calls were included on that plan.
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BetsyTacy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 6:46 pm
amother wrote:
I'm interested to hear your opinion about this situation, even though it was not an actual damage:
A few years ago, my family and I travelled to Europe and my little sister (13yo) spoke hours on her phone with a friend, not knowing that the bill will be very expensive. Bh the phone company stopped the line after few days when she reached 3000shekels or something like that (crazy I know).

What would you have done as the parents of the other girl? Would you've offered to pay a part of the bill even though it was always my sister who called?


It was your parents' responsibility to tell your sister not to make long distance phone calls. The friend did nothing wrong by answering her phone. It was not the friend's parents' responsibility to know the nature of your parents' international cell phone plan (or lack thereof).
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 6:47 pm
amother wrote:
I'm interested to hear your opinion about this situation, even though it was not an actual damage:
A few years ago, my family and I travelled to Europe and my little sister (13yo) spoke hours on her phone with a friend, not knowing that the bill will be very expensive. Bh the phone company stopped the line after few days when she reached 3000shekels or something like that (crazy I know).

What would you have done as the parents of the other girl? Would you've offered to pay a part of the bill even though it was always my sister who called?


I would not offered to pay. How would the parents even know? I would assume there was some sort of plan. Why was your sister able to be on the phone for hours running up the bill?

I had a similar situation with my nephew and called the company to get the charges removed.
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silbergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 5:34 am
I would of course pay for any damage my child does. Even wine on a tablecloth. It is my responsibility to watch my kid and prevent damage. If the child is a baby, it does damage without knowing, but even then id offer to pay.

An older child would at least have to pay part of the damage from his pocket money if he knew what he was doing (no accidents). That way they learn to respect other peoples property.

So far, all the families we hosted (but it was never more than 2 kids) had excellent middos. We have a toybox and loads of Lego to entertain the kids.
But I used to work in a jewish hotel with tons of Israeli guests with kids who were let go wild. Destroyed the furniture, ripped down curtains, broke blinds, painted the hallways and shmeared chocolate spread allover the walls. Sad and parents didnt understand why they should pay!
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asp40




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 6:05 am
See, any parent who has the values of actually watching their children and correcting inappropriate behavior, would offer to pay. They would likely also tell their kids when they aren't doing the right thing. Parents who don't correct their kids, don't watch them and think it's adorable when they smash cake into your carpet : those parents have a totally different set of values and wouldn't offer to pay.
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nacs




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 6:20 am
In Halacha, a parent is not responsible for the damages incurred by a child. However, hashkafically, if we are all concerned with the mitzvah of chinuch and raising children to be responsible and thoughtful adults who take ownership for mistakes and damages- How can we not go out of our way to make some kind of restitution?
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