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Bad mazal or the yetzer hara?

 
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 2:40 pm
For years, I've had a hard time on sukkos. As much as it is "zman simchaseinu" in my perspective I've experienced more chaos and things going wrong that make it hard for me to be truly happy. Does anyone else have this experience? Is it bad mazal or the yetzer hara working overtime to make me have work hard with this mitzvah?
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amother




Bisque


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 2:45 pm
I thought I was the only one until I saw somewhere that it is a common tendency to get depressed on YT since it is a mitzvah to be happy
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amother




Papaya


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 3:05 pm
Lots of cooking, cleaning, and hosting, kids off schedule and family squished together - any idea why some people might feel stressed?
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 3:40 pm
Boy oh boy it is yh.

Not judging you Ch"v!

Possibly judging myself.

To which I must say - overharsly judging oneself is also yh.

So let me say this-

Everyone has a yh. The fact that yours comes out bigger at yontif just shows what a tzeddekes you are. Truly. So - fight that YH. Give it a good fight. But if you don't succeed, remember-

Everyone can fall. But the righteous get up.

Don't let the fact that you were sad for a bit make you even more sad. Recognize that this is also YH and that NOBODY is perfect.

(and thanks for the opportunity to give MYSELF that pep talk)
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Ruchel









  


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 5:02 pm
amother wrote:
Lots of cooking, cleaning, and hosting, kids off schedule and family squished together - any idea why some people might feel stressed?


a lot of this is a choice
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amother




Oak


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 5:08 pm
erev y"t I was in a really bad mood, sitting on the floor feeling all depressed. My dh tried to cheer me up by breakdancing to I get knocked down but I get up again. It was quite amusing to watch but the funk stayed with me and hasn't fully gone away . Over y"t someone told me that being happy on succos is a segulah for being happy the rest of the year so I'm really trying but yes it's really hard.
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Bizzydizzymommy









  


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 6:06 pm
amother wrote:
erev y"t I was in a really bad mood, sitting on the floor feeling all depressed. My dh tried to cheer me up by breakdancing to I get knocked down but I get up again. It was quite amusing to watch but the funk stayed with me and hasn't fully gone away . Over y"t someone told me that being happy on succos is a segulah for being happy the rest of the year so I'm really trying but yes it's really hard.

Perhaps try to tap into what you are not happy about. Do you feel like you did everything for everyone but not for yourself? Are you physically overwhelmed? Or possibly sad that you don't have family to spend Yom Tov with? What's triggering the unhappiness? I would look for the trigger rather then blame myself for not being happy. There could be a really valid reason for your unhappiness .
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amother




Oak


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 6:18 pm
I was upset because my food flopped. we were having company, because my dh made a comment that I found insulting even though he didn't mean to insult me... it was also the day before my period.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 6:45 pm
I'm talking things like-- just this year, erev y"t my washing machine breaks, we needed a new car battery, first day of y"t company that I was really looking forward to having almost didn't show up, my kids who are usually pretty well behaved have been wreaking HAVOC on my place (ok I know chock that up to crazy schedule), but also ruining every plan that I have to make chol hamoed nice. I got an appointment for the repairman today, but they have to order the part--won't get it until after y"t. Can't find one of my kids' yarmulkas that I HAD on Rosh Hashana and a package of new y"t socks has also disappeared, then on y"t itself, we were going crazy with the heat b/c we didn't realize how hot it would be. Even though I thought I set the light timers correctly, they still didn't go on when I needed them to so I had no light in my kitchen Thurs/Friday night--things that are just like eating away at my joy of the y"t.
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amother




Purple


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 7:26 pm
amother wrote:
I'm talking things like-- just this year, erev y"t my washing machine breaks, we needed a new car battery, first day of y"t company that I was really looking forward to having almost didn't show up, my kids who are usually pretty well behaved have been wreaking HAVOC on my place (ok I know chock that up to crazy schedule), but also ruining every plan that I have to make chol hamoed nice. I got an appointment for the repairman today, but they have to order the part--won't get it until after y"t. Can't find one of my kids' yarmulkas that I HAD on Rosh Hashana and a package of new y"t socks has also disappeared, then on y"t itself, we were going crazy with the heat b/c we didn't realize how hot it would be. Even though I thought I set the light timers correctly, they still didn't go on when I needed them to so I had no light in my kitchen Thurs/Friday night--things that are just like eating away at my joy of the y"t.

These are all normal life occurrences. And yes it always seems that the car needs to be fixed and washing machine replaced when it's hectic, that's murphy's law. Razz
You need to take it all in stride. Stop putting so much power into this time of year and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Stop putting so much emphasis on things needing to be perfect. Just relax and live in the moment and take the occurrences in stride.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Mon, Oct 09 2017, 8:49 pm
My refrigerator and freezer broke down first day Yom Tov. House full of guests. Not fun. Of course it's the yetzer hora!!!
Jews are above Mazel.
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Optimystic









  


Post  Tue, Oct 10 2017, 2:51 pm
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
What's triggering the unhappiness? I would look for the trigger rather then blame myself for not being happy. There could be a really valid reason for your unhappiness .

This has been my secret to happiness. Whenever I am unhappy, the first thing I ask myself is how recently I ate and how much did I sleep the night before. If the answers were long ago or not enough, problem solvable! I might still be down, but at least I know why and that the cause is temporary.

When it is something much bigger, like loneliness or anxiety or finances, I have learned to ask to what extent it is under my control. If the answer is little to none, problem identified! I may still have to check out a moment and take lots of deep breaths, but it gives me a way forward. I just have to focus on what I can do one moment at a time and not worry about the next moment until I get to it.

Feeling powerless used to be my biggest trigger of all. Things outside of my control are outside of my control. If you have the sincere intention to fulfill a mitzvah (like being happy for example, who doesn't want to be happy?) it is as though you fulfilled the mitzvah.

And, it is okay to take time to take care of yourself. It's like on the airplane safety cards where they say to put your oxygen mask on first before helping the person next to you. The healthier you are the more you can do for your family. Your children see what you do, and if you never ever take time for yourself, you can raise your children to do the exact same thing with all its unhappy consequences.
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tichellady









  


Post  Tue, Oct 10 2017, 3:05 pm
Sukkot is zman simchateinu because it was during the harvest season. I’m sure if the harvest was not good, then it wasn’t such a joyous time. Today we don’t live in an agrarian society and it can be a stressful time, trying to take off work and make big meals, having kids off from school etc. I think most people find it stressful even if they enjoy parts of it. I personally love yomtov, but erev Yom Tov is not so fun
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zaq









  


Post  Tue, Oct 10 2017, 9:20 pm
To answer the original question, possibly neither. Possibly just a matter of putting pressure on yourself, trying to do too much. Whenever I try to do too much (think cooking in vast Pesach quantities) everything flops.

Some partial solutions are planning far ahead, doing as much as possible in advance, simplifying, lowering expectations, and having a Plan B.

Don’t make fancy multi course meals. Go back to basics. Or buy prepared stuff if the fancy means that much to you but making it yourself is turning you into THAT woman you never wanted to be.

Expect your home to look like your home, not like an article in an interior design magazine. If your home contains small children, it cannot look like an all-adult household. Do not expect your children to stay clean and tidy in their new YT clothes. Once you realize that your expectations are not realistic, a lot of the pressure eases.
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