Ques about DS 8 behavior

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Oct 15 2017, 8:54 pm

My son is 8.
I noticed he has an extreme liking to anything “bummy(?)”
I don’t even know how to explain it.
He’ll randomly ask me about someone’s funky hairstyle, or notice the weird hippy clothes on passerby’s, or he’ll continuously sing some non Jewish jazzy song he heard on the radio.
He seems to enjoy the cool stuff that aren’t the norm in our circles.

I’m nervous if this is normal.

ra_mom

Sun, Oct 15 2017, 9:12 pm

Some people have an inborn eye for cool. Find ok ways for him to express it within your circles and don't suppress it. Don't call it bummy. And take that word out of your vocabulary when referring to your dear son.

Last edited by ra_mom on Sun, Oct 15 2017, 9:14 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Oct 15 2017, 9:14 pm

ra_mom wrote:

Some people have an inborn eye for cool. Find ways for him to express it within your circles and don't suppress it.

I try not to suppress, I do cool stuff with him. I allow him to choose his clothes and shoes (within normalcy of course).

I sure hope this will help I’m just so worried.

How can we know as parents if we’re doing what’s right? Is this something I should address with a professional or is this normal behavior for some children?

ra_mom

Sun, Oct 15 2017, 9:17 pm

amother wrote:

It's normal.
Allow him to get the funkiest pjs ever. Just to start.
Dealing with it with a professional would be suppressing it. Unless you mean addressing your own feelings on the matter. That would be helpful as a licensed professional can give you skills on how to deal with this in a positive way and calm you down about how normal it is.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Oct 15 2017, 9:36 pm

ra_mom wrote:

No I meant consulting with a professional if this is a concern or just a let it go thing.

Thanks for responding by the way!

amother

Natural

Sun, Oct 15 2017, 10:28 pm

No psychological problem whatsoever.

It could be a frumkeit issue, but most probably it is just a sense of colorful style that he would like to express. I echo ra_mom that you should help him express it appropriately, as it is no contradiction to 100% solid frum Yiddishkeit, unless repressed or expressed wrong.

And keep him safe from anyone who says that nonconformity = non-frum. It's a lie.

RebekahsMom

Sun, Oct 15 2017, 10:43 pm

Maybe he likes color, maybe he thinks that a funky hairstyle is cool just because it’s unique. It’s hard- you don’t want him to be seen as different, but I assure you that you don’t want to discourage it- either he will learn to repress himself to fit in, or he’ll rebel.

So, allow him to be himself within reason. As long as he understand what it means to be appropriate for the occasion, go for it. Funky pj’s at home, normal clothes out. Songs are tricky. Sometimes songs I hate get stuck on my mind. Discuss why he likes it. Make sure it has no bad words. Otherwise, it’s fine.

Not everyone marches to the same drum. He is as g-d made him. Love him for it.

imasoftov

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 1:08 am

amother wrote:

s this something I should address with a professional?

What do you suppose a professional might do?