Adding a name after the bris

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 1:13 am

Not sure whether to put this here or in emotional health... But is it possible to add a name afterwards? I am not feeling right with the name we gave...

amother

Green

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 2:18 am

My husband had this. His father forgot the second name when the time came, and afterward they spoke to a rav and added it. Not sure how it works in terms of the ruach hakodesh at the time, but that's what I was told happened. People add names all the time though- although usually when someone is sick, so that might be disturbing to some. I would speak to a rav about it. People also sometimes use a similar name as a nickname, even if it's not the actual name. Like Bearele for Dov. Mazel tov!

amother

Puce

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 2:47 am

amother wrote:

Not sure whether to put this here or in emotional health... But is it possible to add a name afterwards? I am not feeling right with the name we gave...

How long ago was the bris? It took me a few weeks to get used to my son’s name. I was so used to calling him baby that it felt weird to call him by his name, and I was having doubts as to whether we chose the right name. Now I think it’s perfect.

Ruchel

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 3:48 am

Nowadays people change name at the drop of a hat. In yesteryears in took a disease, c'v.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 5:16 am

Bris was Sunday (yesterday//two days ago). I am worried about the ruach hakodesh aspect too...

I know with my other kids it also took some time. But I'm not sure what to do with my feelings of This is all wrong...

amother

Pearl

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 5:26 am

Go talk to the rav who officiated at the bris. He will hopefully be able to allay your worries by either saying

Let 's change the name now

Or

Give yourself time to get used to it, you can change something later if you still want

But important q - what does your dh think?

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 5:32 am

I'm afraid rov will just think I'm crazy. As would anyone else...

Dh thinks this name is fine and I will get over this. But he doesn't like to see me suffer.

Been having a hard time pp in general. I think having to do this over YT really threw a wrench in the works.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 5:40 am

If the rav thinks your crazy then he shouldn't be your rav anymore

But I don't think he will-, that's just pp hormones talking.

Hug

And MAZEL TOV!

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 6:03 am

I guess I can try to talk to the rov (the mohel) next time he checks the baby. Right now I can't stop crying and I feel like I can't talk to anyone like this! Def not expect to be taken seriously.

Thank you pearl for your good wishes although anoymous. I think part of my problem is lack of joy and acknowledgement for this baby from others... Possibly due to YT. And his wrong name of course...

zaq

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 7:30 am

Ask your rav. Very little, if anything, about naming conventions is halachah; it’s mostly custom and not necessarily even your family’s.

studying_torah

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 7:37 am

Right now take a bit of time to enjoy your precious baby and rest as much as you can! Your body and mind are exhausted & need time to recover.
It's surely worthwhile to talk to the Mohel when he comes, but I doubt you need to decide right now.
Mazel tov!

mommyhood

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 9:12 am

I think you should take time to think about it. You can speak to the Rav to find out your options but don't make any decisions right now when your emotions are so high and it's hard to think clearly.
If you keep crying and you find your lack of joy getting worse, you might consider getting screened for PPD.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 11:45 am

Thank you all for your responses,

I have been eating and resting and getting less teary, still wish I could resolve this.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 12:18 pm

Has anyone heard of this being done? Would you think someone is crazy for doing it?

amother

Lilac

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 12:56 pm

I wouldn't think you're crazy. I don't get having a name picked out ahead of time, in general- certainly not the whole name. I know someone who had a name picked out and then on seeing the baby made that her middle name with an unplanned first name (which she's very thankful for, and first name suits her much better). I also know more than one person given the exact name that was picked out ahead of time who actively dislikes their name as an adult or teen.

In short, I'd think yours is an unusual case but likely better than the alternative.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 1:26 pm

How are you doing today op?

Try to relax and not worry too much. You've just had a baby (is it your first?) and you are going to feel out of sorts for a while.

Hashem will make SURE that the baby has the right name. Either he already has it, and you will come to realize it, or it will be changed and all will be well.

You are NOT crazy!!!!!!!!! You had a baby less than 2 weeks ago!

Hug

And here is some ice cream. Always helps.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 1:33 pm

I know someone who changed their baby girls name a week or so after she was named. She had named her after a relative with a Yiddish name and could not come to terms with it and she added a Hebrew name a week or so later. I think her husband had an aliyah in shul. Most people probably don't even remember

amother

Taupe

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 2:27 pm

if you belong to a kehilla and you ask someone on the bais din they will know which specific dayan to refer you to. Be forthcoming and say what you have to say. You are not crazy.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Oct 18 2017, 6:35 am

Thank you all so much for your kind and gentle responses. I've been doing a bit better since I've been allowing myself more kimpeturin behavior--sent myself back to bed and asked my husband to make me breakfast etc. The encouragement and validation (and ice cream! Wink

) from all of you has helped.

This isn't my first kid. Ironically the actual birth with this one was the easiest but I'm finding recovery hardest psychologically. It's like I have birth trauma but it's not birth trauma, it's YT/shalom zachar/bris/husband back to work/now I'm all alone trauma.