Commuting to Work | Imamother

amother

Sienna

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 8:06 am

My DH had a job offer in Brooklyn. We live in Monsey. I understand that he would have to commute daily. However the work hours are 8:00-6:00 which means he would have to leave really early and he will get home really late.
He currently works locally and earns around 80k hours, 9-5 this job is offering 150k. Is it worth the daily commute???

lavenderchimes

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 8:13 am

That at least an hour and a half commute, right? Would you ever consider moving to Brooklyn if he really liked the job? How would you feel with him leaving at 6am and getting home at 8pm? How old are your kids? Do any others in your neighborhood make such a commute?

It's a LOT more money. Is it worth losing your husband an additional 6 hours a day? I can't tell you. My DH works 9-6(or 7) in Jersey City, and we live in Brooklyn. It's a little over an hour commute for him. For us, it's normal.

amother

Wine

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 8:13 am

If you ask me, no it's not worth it. That kind of commute is exhausting and he would be out many hours of the day. The trip would be 1 1/2 to 2 hours in rush hour traffic. My father did it for many years and it wasn't easy (and he worked 9-5, was out of the house around 630am and never got home before 7pm).

Reality

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 8:15 am

It depends. How much more take home pay will he earn after taxes and commuter costs?

Is there more opportunity for growth in the new job?

Will he be able to handle the really early hours if he is makpid to daven with a minyan?

Only you will know the answer to these questions. Hatzlacha!

amother

Sienna

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 8:24 am

Reality wrote:

He would daven with the minyan on the bus. The Monsey busses have "minyan" busses. My concern is that it will turn our lives upside down not having a husband and father at home. It would definitely ease our financial burden. But is it worth the physical and emotional difficulty involved. That's really my question. Has anyone done this? Is it sustainable?

amother

Yellow

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 8:32 am

It will be exhausting for him working 14 hours. Also factor in cost of commuting.
If you need the money very badly and he's willing to sacrifice for it go for it.
If he does do it do get extra help around the house. And when he gets home expect him to collapse.

amother

Burlywood

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 8:39 am

Yes, go for it. You can get used to it.
My husband worked late many years.
I used a lot of money on car service, since he took the care to work.
You can make it work.
The only thing is will he be able to handle the long commute and longer hours.

lavenderchimes

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 9:03 am

It would be a big adjustment, but it won't ruin your lives. But will yoir husband have any energy left by the time he gets home? What will the take-home increase be once you take out all the commuting costs?

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 9:24 am

It's exhausting. We do not live in NY but we came in for 10 days and stayed in Brooklyn and my husband drove to Monsey every day for work and he was a mess.
He left early in the morning to avoid traffic but couldn't avoid the traffic in the evening.
I had to keep my baby awake until he got home, otherwise he wouldn't have seen her all day. I couldn't live like that on a regular basis.

simba

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 9:28 am

Many people do it. I work in a Brooklyn office where many men commute in from Monsey.
I believe it will be a big adjustment for you and your family and tatty will only be around Shabbos and Sunday. My DH works Locally but doesn't see the kids at all during the week because of his hours. That is sometimes how it works Sad

If you are managing on the current salary then think about it. If you really need the money then sacrifice.

studying_torah

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 9:54 am

It might put you into a higher tax bracket, so you might not be left with that much more (once you add in bus fees, extra help for you, etc)
It does take a huge toll on a person to travel so much, he will be home much less, you will not be able to rely on his doing things for you/the kids.
However, it will ease up the strain of parnassah, the salary is almost double, and might lead to better opportunities.

doctorima

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 10:26 am

For that much extra money, I would definitely try to find a way to make it work, but for me, that way would probably involve moving next summer to Brooklyn or someplace in-between (Passaic would allow the kids to stay in their current schools) if the commute isn't working out.

amother

Puce

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 10:50 am

I live in Brooklyn and dh works in Queens. He davens shachris at 6am and comes home at 7 to eat breakfast and help a little with the kids. He is out the door at 7:30 and comes home at like 6:15. He just started this job in September. He was working locally in Brooklyn before that. Honestly it did not take too long to get used to his new schedule. The hardest part is that he comes home much more exhausted so does not really help me with putting the house together after the kids are asleep anymore but I hired more cleaning help now that there is more money Smile

I work locally in Brooklyn and I have two coworkers that come in from Monsey every day. My husband has some coworkers from Lakewood. Thats around a two hour commute each way for them. Commuting is definitely a pain but its a part of life - especially in the tri state area

mommyhood

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 10:56 am

That's a huge jump in salary. If this is a good carer growth opportunity I would say yes it's worth it. He can daven and learn on the bus. It's a lot less stressful a commute than driving or regular public transportation.

amother

Seashell

Fri, Oct 20 2017, 12:35 pm

My dh is out from 7:30 to 7:30 (on a good day). If he would make enough so that I don't have to work, take care of house and kids on my own, it would be amazing.

You need to accept that you will do it all on your own and you will be fine. We dont have family dinners and dh started doing homework with the boys once they began Mishanyos. I had the kids call dh after school when they were younger with early bedtimes.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Oct 23 2017, 10:22 am

The salary jump sounds great and for me that would be a huge yes.
BUT imagine this:
You have to do morning routine AND bedtime routine alone.
If you have a simcha or a party or a get together you will never be able to leave before 8 when he gets home.
When he does get home hell be tired and he will have to have early nights because he has to get up early.

Other things to consider:
Does he get a good sick/vacation day leave policy compared to his current job?
Is it physically taxing work?
Wht happens if there is traffic and he comes late will he have to stay late?
Wht about snow days what will he do then?

Coming from someone whos husband works many many hours out the house (me lol Wink

) at the beginning it is doable, he makes more money, I have no problem doing morning and evening with teh kids but it gets exhausting. I don't have a day off. I can never go out, I can't eat supper in peace. It isn't easy.

amother

Violet

Mon, Oct 23 2017, 10:32 am

amother wrote:

My 'normal' from childhood was my mother got us out the door in the morning, made us dinner, and got us to bed. That was basically how I imagined most families operated.

Actually leaving the office at 6:00 everyday and sitting on a private bus with noise canceling headphones maybe a neck pillow..for 1.5 hours actually sounds kind of nice.

mommyhood

Mon, Oct 23 2017, 12:23 pm

HonesttoGod wrote:

Hire a babysitter. When we have a wedding I drive there whatever time works for me and dh takes the bus or train from work and meets me.