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Swedish Death Cleaning
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 22 2017, 2:56 pm
Move over Flylady, Margareta Magnusson's new book, 'The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning' gives us new motivation for purging our lives of stuff we don't need.

The theory is declutter your home while you are alive so your kids don't have to do it for you.
https://scribepublications.com.....aning

" charming approach to putting your life in order so your loved ones won’t have to. There’s a word for it in Swedish: Döstädning, literally, ‘death cleaning’.

Swedish-born Margareta Magnusson is, in her words, ‘aged between 80 and 100’. When her husband died, she had to downsize her home. The experience forced her to recognise the power of ‘death cleaning’ and the concerns that must be addressed in order to do it with thought and care. Done well, the approach not only makes things easier for your loved ones later on, it allows you to revisit the lifetime of memories accumulated with your things.

From clothes and books to stuff you just can’t get rid of, stuff that only matters to you, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning offers indispensable advice on questions you will inevitably face when sorting through a lifetime of objects: How do you deal with your secrets? Tackle photographs and letters? Avoid heirs fighting over your belongings after you are gone? This charming, practical book based on personal experience and anecdotes will guide you in making the process uplifting rather than overwhelming: it focuses on the importance of living — even through death cleaning."
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 22 2017, 10:46 pm
Great idea, awful name. Sounds like either working yourself to death or killing yourself by mixing bleach and ammonia.

But ITA with Ms. M, which is why I purge often and am trying to palm off —I mean bequeath—my stuff to my children. Sometimes they surprise me by wanting something and sometimes by not wanting. By finding out now I know what I can safely give away elsewhere, what I can give them now or soon, and what to save for them because I’m still using it.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 7:49 am
I had read about this a few weeks ago but hadn't realized it was a book.

All it takes is to have to clear out the home of someone who has died to realize that it is a mitzvah to declutter and rid a home of things so as not to burden those who might be forced to do it in a fragile emotional state after a death.

It takes a lot of time and energy to go through a home where the people have kept everything. For example, boxes of photos (from the pre-digital age). Most of them are not worth keeping - either they are almost duplicates where there are better shots of the same thing or are pictures of people or events which now have no meaning to the living - e.g. pictures of people who you don't recognize.
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:00 am
Amarante wrote:
I had read about this a few weeks ago but hadn't realized it was a book.

All it takes is to have to clear out the home of someone who has died to realize that it is a mitzvah to declutter and rid a home of things so as not to burden those who might be forced to do it in a fragile emotional state after a death.

It takes a lot of time and energy to go through a home where the people have kept everything. For example, boxes of photos (from the pre-digital age). Most of them are not worth keeping - either they are almost duplicates where there are better shots of the same thing or are pictures of people or events which now have no meaning to the living - e.g. pictures of people who you don't recognize.

On that last note, I appreciate having relatively many photos from my grandparents' youth, but it would be so much nicer if they were labeled! Photos don't need to be got rid of, necessarily, but they'll have more meaning to your children and grandchildren if they're labeled with names. I'd love to know what my grandparents' siblings looked like 70 or 80 years ago but I have no idea who's who Sad
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:12 am
water_bear88 wrote:
On that last note, I appreciate having relatively many photos from my grandparents' youth, but it would be so much nicer if they were labeled! Photos don't need to be got rid of, necessarily, but they'll have more meaning to your children and grandchildren if they're labeled with names. I'd love to know what my grandparents' siblings looked like 70 or 80 years ago but I have no idea who's who Sad


All the more reason to do this pre-death so that those items which are meaningful are put aside.

In my personal experience, there weren't that many photos that were very early family photos because people simply didn't take that many casual photos until the 1950's. We all knew who was who in the formal family photos.

However, at least in my personal experience, there are loads of photos taken on trips or at gatherings which really are of no sentimental value to anyone in the family or would have been recognized by someone going through them - I.e. aunts/uncles/cousins. Far better to offer pictures of the aunt to the cousins. I loved my aunts but neither myself or my descendants need 100 photos of her and vice versa.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:17 am
zaq wrote:
Great idea, awful name. Sounds like either working yourself to death or killing yourself by mixing bleach and ammonia.

But ITA with Ms. M, which is why I purge often and am trying to palm off —I mean bequeath—my stuff to my children. Sometimes they surprise me by wanting something and sometimes by not wanting. By finding out now I know what I can safely give away elsewhere, what I can give them now or soon, and what to save for them because I’m still using it.


Immediate reaction: Some ancient Swedish tahara type tradition.
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:49 am
Amarante wrote:
All the more reason to do this pre-death so that those items which are meaningful are put aside.

In my personal experience, there weren't that many photos that were very early family photos because people simply didn't take that many casual photos until the 1950's. We all knew who was who in the formal family photos.

However, at least in my personal experience, there are loads of photos taken on trips or at gatherings which really are of no sentimental value to anyone in the family or would have been recognized by someone going through them - I.e. aunts/uncles/cousins. Far better to offer pictures of the aunt to the cousins. I loved my aunts but neither myself or my descendants need 100 photos of her and vice versa.

So speaking as part of the younger generation, I don't recognize all my great-uncles and -aunts, many of whom passed away before I got to know them, and those pictures from the 50's are mostly unlabeled. My parents may know who's who in the formal pictures, but I don't recognize everyone. I would like at least those few pictures, with names, to put faces to those names I've heard in my parents' and grandparents' childhood stories. But when it's the 100th picture with the one great-aunt I do recognize, I'd like to know if those men in the picture are my great-uncles by blood or by marriage, or more distant family, or unrelated before deciding if I want the picture.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:54 am
water_bear88 wrote:
So speaking as part of the younger generation, I don't recognize all my great-uncles and -aunts, many of whom passed away before I got to know them, and those pictures from the 50's are mostly unlabeled. My parents may know who's who in the formal pictures, but I don't recognize everyone. I would like at least those few pictures, with names, to put faces to those names I've heard in my parents' and grandparents' childhood stories. But when it's the 100th picture with the one great-aunt I do recognize, I'd like to know if those men in the picture are my great-uncles by blood or by marriage, or more distant family, or unrelated before deciding if I want the picture.


I'm not disagreeing with you. In fact, I'm agreeing with you as all pictures should be gone through BEFORE death at leisure by the person who knows what is what in each picture.

I wasn't suggesting getting rid of photos of actual family members or significant others but pointing out that if there is significance that isn't obvious, then it needs to be taken care of now by the repository of such knowledge because it will be impossible after death.

And there would be photos that would NOT be meaningful to one's immediate family but would be to others so why not find out if people want those photos.
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 9:12 am
Amarante wrote:
I'm not disagreeing with you. In fact, I'm agreeing with you as all pictures should be gone through BEFORE death at leisure by the person who knows what is what in each picture.

I wasn't suggesting getting rid of photos of actual family members or significant others but pointing out that if there is significance that isn't obvious, then it needs to be taken care of now by the repository of such knowledge because it will be impossible after death.

And there would be photos that would NOT be meaningful to one's immediate family but would be to others so why not find out if people want those photos.

True- I'm thinking of my personal experience where one of my grandparents had many siblings, only a couple of whom have descendants at all to whom these pictures could be as or more meaningful.

Either way, I'm trying to label printed photos already now. (Printing them is a good idea, anyway, according to my family's computer maven who says files will degrade noticeably within decades.)
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iammom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 9:21 am
water_bear88 wrote:
On that last note, I appreciate having relatively many photos from my grandparents' youth, but it would be so much nicer if they were labeled! Photos don't need to be got rid of, necessarily, but they'll have more meaning to your children and grandchildren if they're labeled with names. I'd love to know what my grandparents' siblings looked like 70 or 80 years ago but I have no idea who's who Sad


I make it my duty to label each picture.

My husband thinks I'm nuts but I tell him he will be thanking me down the line.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 3:55 am
Death cleaning sounds different in Swedish and far less harsh than in English. Just to let you know...
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 4:04 am
O boy do I wish my mother would do this. Instead she just keeps collecting more and more over the years to the point where I can no longer go in her apartment. Wall to wall of stuff with limited walking space. I dread when the time comes to go through it all. Obviously there are way deeper issues at play here.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 4:16 am
Do people ever hire companies to clear things out? Or do the items need to be sorted for possible valuables?
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 4:47 am
water_bear88 wrote:
On that last note, I appreciate having relatively many photos from my grandparents' youth, but it would be so much nicer if they were labeled! Photos don't need to be got rid of, necessarily, but they'll have more meaning to your children and grandchildren if they're labeled with names. I'd love to know what my grandparents' siblings looked like 70 or 80 years ago but I have no idea who's who Sad


Post those photos on genealogy and Shoah groups on FB! at least you tried
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 4:56 am
amother wrote:
Do people ever hire companies to clear things out? Or do the items need to be sorted for possible valuables?


I am sure ppl hire these companies. When my mother passed away I didn't do it from the beginning. I made a huge garage sale (and you wouldn't believe what ppl bought, items that I would never spend a cent on!) and made nice money on it. What wasn't sold I hired a company to take what remained and they gave me a lump sum.
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etky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 4:58 am
amother wrote:
Do people ever hire companies to clear things out? Or do the items need to be sorted for possible valuables?


When DH and his brothers had to do this with their parents' home of 40 years they did call in a company to haul away the stuff to a garbage dump. Before that though, they had relatives come in to take whatever they wanted. Then they themselves set aside useable items for goodwill, gemachim etc. that they then had transported to these places. They also called in an auction house to sell off some of the furniture that was somewhat valuable (lots of authentic mid-century modern pieces: they hadn't ever been big on redecorating Smile ).

Before any of this, however, DH and brothers did have to go through practically everything to make sure nothing of real or sentimental value was tossed.
Suffice it to say that the process was a nightmare. DH's parents threw out nothing. They were not hoarders - just people who saw potential value in retaining things like empty appliance boxes, old newspapers and catalogues, clothing, knick knacks, old hobby and sports equipment and broken appliances that theoretically could be fixed.
And they had a garage, an attic, empty bedrooms and a basement in which to store the stuff.

I have always been a 'discarder' by nature but this vicarious experience was enough to convince me to redouble my efforts to pare down our posessions and to throw out or give away any unnecessary items. My goal has been to leave as small a footprint as possible when we "go". Why inflict this burden on your children if it can be avoided?
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 5:01 am
Ruchel wrote:
Post those photos on genealogy and Shoah groups on FB! at least you tried

Unlikely to help with that particular branch of the family (Shoah groups, anyway- genealogy maybe) given how far before the war they immigrated to the US- lack of descendants was due to natural causes including simply never marrying. Really, I just need my parents to label the photos they still can.
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CatLady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 6:55 am
I'm in my early 60s and this looks like something I should be doing. I read an article about how young people don't want the objects and furniture their parents and grandparents collected. I had no sentimental attachment at all to my mother's collection of odd cups and saucers, nor did I want her furniture. The same thing happened when I helped my uncle downsize into assisted living after 60+ years in the same apartment. I assume my son will feel the same way about my stuff, so better to divest sooner than later, I guess.

"Swedish Death Cleaning" would be an awesome band name, right? I'd totally wear their t-shirt while triaging my collection of weird coffee mugs that people have given me. (Do I really need two Poop Emoji mugs?)
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 7:14 am
CatLady wrote:
I'm in my early 60s and this looks like something I should be doing. I read an article about how young people don't want the objects and furniture their parents and grandparents collected. I had no sentimental attachment at all to my mother's collection of odd cups and saucers, nor did I want her furniture. The same thing happened when I helped my uncle downsize into assisted living after 60+ years in the same apartment. I assume my son will feel the same way about my stuff, so better to divest sooner than later, I guess.

"Swedish Death Cleaning" would be an awesome band name, right? I'd totally wear their t-shirt while triaging my collection of weird coffee mugs that people have given me. (Do I really need two Poop Emoji mugs?)


I am in the same age bracket and we do plan to downsize and move closer to the children when my husband retires, if Hashem agrees with our plan. If this really does occur, we will offer the children the opportunity to choose anything that would be useful to them before we get rid of the stuff. Some personal or home organizers specialize in downsizing the elderly. As we get older we have to decide at which point we no longer want to cook for a crowd or have service for 12. That is easier that paring down photos and mementos but there are services that digitize photos and everyone can receive some discs and discard most of the originals. Most likely, our great-grandchildren and beyond won't want to spend hours pouring over ancient birthday parties. And some older people do hoard, possibly because objects have more permanence that humans do and possibly to fill the loneliness and boredom.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 8:20 am
Uch those miserable photos! My shita would be to select just a few, the best of the best, for each event, and shred the rest. Unfortunately my dearly beloved has a “thing” about discarding photos even if they’re blurry, out of focus, meaningless, unidentifiable, duplicates or just plain ugly. Back in the day he'd automatically get triple prints so as to have extras to send to relatives, which means that those great shots of his finger, the lens cap, or up somebody’s nostrils? We have three of them.
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