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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
High school girls and smart phones
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 10:38 am
amother wrote:
I think the girls start driving around then, and once you have a license, I believe at that point a cell phone is a necessity, not a luxury.

I guess that makes sense.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 11:37 am
All my daughters got (dumb)phones as soon as they started HS. This was for our convenience and for their safety on their respective commutes.

One went to PPY. She graduated a short while ago. She was one of two girls in the grade without a smartphone. There are rules about having phones in school, but they are permitted to own them. Not having one did make things difficult (the class had a whatsapp group), but luckily she had good friends who kept her in the loop. She is out of HS and still doesn't feel the need for one. Most of her good friends from seminary don't have one; she went to one that is more right wing than PPY.

Another went to BYA. Roughly half her class had smartphones, even though to my understanding they are strictly forbidden. They are not allowed in school under any circumstances, but apparently girls sneak them in.
Nearly half the class had dumbphones, like she did. Those aren't allowed in school either; there's a drop-off box in the office. They have to be TAGged.
A small number of girls had no phone at all, or a family dumbphone that they could use when needed.
She would really like a smartphone, and has begged for one on and off since 11th grade, but we are sticklers for school rules. Now we are making her wait until after seminary, as it's pointless to get one when she's away -- almost no right-wing seminary permits smartphones, and anyway the US one wouldn't work there without an Israeli SIM.

Another is in an OOT HS. The school does not allow phones in school at all, but most of the girls have dumbphones that they use at home. One or two outliers have smartphones, but they are not considered mainstream students for other reasons as well.
She would love a smartphone (what teen wouldn't) but knows it's as unlikely as getting a unicorn, so doesn't ask.

So there's bound to be a lot of variation here. I recommend that you speak to a couple of parents in the class, and maybe feel out the school's admin on their policy, if you don't know what it is. I don't think there's a single correct answer in this case.
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 6:58 pm
Thanks everyone for your input!

I don't remember which poster had the idea to allow her access at night so she doesn't miss out on the class chats. That's a very good idea. I don't mind sharing with her. I think we will start with that and see how it goes from there.

I mentioned getting her a non smart phone and she said absolutely not. Without whatsapp its useless.
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:20 pm
amother wrote:
Is there any way she could have time with a smartphone/iPad for a short time every evening, just to stay relevant with things like Instagram and Snapchat?


No Brooklyn BY lets girls to be on social media.
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:22 pm
Reality, why do u think schools don't allow smart phones? Because of internet. Be very careful if ur kid will go on Snapchat, whats app, FB, Instagram, etc.
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 8:50 pm
Chestnut, thank you. My husband and I are strict with our kids when it comes to technology. They are allowed some computer time but its in the living room out in the open. That's why this whole smart phone business surprised us so much. I really didn't think it was "everyone" but it seems like it is pretty close to it.
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dr. pepper




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 23 2017, 11:02 pm
For anyone interested, the digital citizen project is a wonderful group that does presentation to various schools for kids and parents in navigating the current world of technology.
Their website had some nice information as well.
The guy who runs it is frum...I think from the 5 towns.
http://www.thedigitalcitizenship.com
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 5:09 am
There are blocks for phones.
But bear in mind a phone is not a necessity, even driving or not driving (?).
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 9:00 am
Hatzlacha. No Bklyn experience answer but a few thoughts:
- find out what the school policy is and stick with it
- our OOT TAG office will not neuter or work on smart phones for kids who aren't yet h.s. graduates
- an intown friend told me that her daughter needed a smart phone because of the study and production whatsapp groups she needed to participate in. The school is big but I felt sad that they - the school, my friends - evidently threw in the towel.
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momX4




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 9:39 am
Some phones come with parenting controls. You can decide which apps you allow, filter the internet.

I gave my hs daughter her own login on the computer. I made a white list for her in the beginning. Now that she is older and needs more websites for school I get an email for ever site she visits. I also block any sites I dont want her on, like facebook.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 10:18 am
PinkFridge wrote:
Hatzlacha. No Bklyn experience answer but a few thoughts:
- find out what the school policy is and stick with it
- our OOT TAG office will not neuter or work on smart phones for kids who aren't yet h.s. graduates
- an intown friend told me that her daughter needed a smart phone because of the study and production whatsapp groups she needed to participate in. The school is big but I felt sad that they - the school, my friends - evidently threw in the towel.


I know I’m from a different world but why is letting teens participate in WhatsApp throwing in the towel and a sad thing?
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 11:48 am
dancingqueen wrote:
I know I’m from a different world but why is letting teens participate in WhatsApp throwing in the towel and a sad thing?


it's sad that girls, and even us adults has to be exposed to such horrible things..
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 11:57 am
amother wrote:
it's sad that girls, and even us adults has to be exposed to such horrible things..


Oh. I don’t know about you but my WhatsApp groups are very kosher. And when I was in high school my online chatting with friends was very wholesome too as were my friends- all good kids.
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 12:29 pm
amother wrote:
it's sad that girls, and even us adults has to be exposed to such horrible things..


My whatsapps are beautiful things, not horrible.
Im involved in a shidduch chat through whatsapp, am way more in touch with my family members than I ever wouldve been, and my closest friends from highschool all speak daily because of it and our relationship is stronger than ever. What could possibly be horrible if its used correctly?

OP, I commend you for wanting to make sure your daughter is not a social misfit. If there is a class whatsapp group that most girls are on, it can really hurt to be left out.

There are ways to have whatsapp without having a phone, if that helps, so you wouldnt be paying monthly fees. There are ways to put it on a tablet, or a quick prepaid phone from the T mobile stand in the mall, after 1 month the phone stops but whatsapp continues as long as theres wifi, so if she's home and you have wifi she can participate from there...
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 1:02 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
Oh. I don’t know about you but my WhatsApp groups are very kosher. And when I was in high school my online chatting with friends was very wholesome too as were my friends- all good kids.


Technology ruins communication. Smartphone app devolpers don't own smartphones, they know how bad they are.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 1:16 pm
amother wrote:
Technology ruins communication. Smartphone app devolpers don't own smartphones, they know how bad they are.


Out of my chevra from highschool, one woman decided she purposely wont have a smartphone because it "ruins communication and inhibits relationships". She is a social worker. We've begged her so many times to get one so she can join us on whatsapp. She always answers no, because it destroys communication etc. She proudly stands by what she believes.

Very nice, except it's ironic that the rest of us talk to each other on a group literally daily, are there for each other with advice, shoulders to lean on and laughs to get through the day...and SHE is the one who complains "guys, I feel like we never talk...I never speak to anyone...we are so out of touch...."
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 1:20 pm
amother wrote:
Technology ruins communication. Smartphone app devolpers don't own smartphones, they know how bad they are.


Wherever do you get that idea? That's like saying that doctors never set foot in hospitals because they know they're full of germs.

App developers have to own or use smartphones in order to do their jobs.

And, if these technologies are truly so evil and unconducive to communication in your mind, why are you risking your neshama by being on Imamother?
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 1:37 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
Oh. I don’t know about you but my WhatsApp groups are very kosher. And when I was in high school my online chatting with friends was very wholesome too as were my friends- all good kids.

I'm a member of two WhatsApp groups. One is for people who live in my building, less than half of are religious yet nothing inappropriate has shown up there. The other is for a Jewish organization I'm involved in, nothing horrible there, either.
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 1:43 pm
amother wrote:
Technology ruins communication. Smartphone app devolpers don't own smartphones, they know how bad they are.

Is the above not an example of communication that involves technology? I'm not an app developer but I do design systems that communicate with both employees and customers of the company where I work, on cellphones among other methods, and I use a cellphone as well.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 2:10 pm
Although it's also considered social media, I don't think I'd lump Whatsapp into the same category as facebook, instagram, etc.

Facebook and the others are actively pushing information and contacts on you, "finding" friends for you, advertising, and news stories.

Whatsapp is passive. You contact those you want to contact, are in groups you want to be in, can mark as spam anyone who contacts you, and can leave a group at any time. It's more similar to email than to facebook.

However, the only really good filter I've found for phones is commercial and not for personal use.
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