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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Sheva brachos etiquette



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amother
Coral


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 9:25 am
A close family member is getting married in the near future and trying to figure out sheva brachos. I am due within 2 weeks of the wedding, so I offered to host the Shabbos kallah--as its the only way I can attend. The immediate family of myself and of the couple is making a sheva brachos the night after the wedding--the only one I would be able to "fit in" to. I would love to attend as I cannot go to the shabbos sheva brachos. Those organizing the sheva brachos wanted to know level of my participation and I told them that I can't guarantee anything, besides I'm hosting another part of the simcha, but if I'm around I'd love to come. I'm getting a vibe that since they are having it catered, they want people to pay-their-way to attend--but I haven't heard it blatantly expressed that way. On the one hand I've never had to pay to attend sheva brachos before--not even for similar relatives, and now while I have a "good feeling" about attending, I can't foresee the future, but I would be "noticeably absent" if I didn't go. Money is tight for us so I don't want to be paying for something extraneously. Those organizing it haven't locked in a price yet, so I don't even know what to expect. What should I do?
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 9:37 am
Are you considered to be part of the people making the sheva brachos? Like the type that it's your sister getting married and all the siblings are making it. If that's the case, of course you should chip in- even if you don't attend won't you dh and children go? If it's a little more distant of a relative, such as a cousin I don't think you have to chip in, especially if money is tight.
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 9:40 am
If you are part of the group that is hosting the Sheva Brochos you should chip in.
If you are a guest and got invited then you do not need to chip in.
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familyfirst




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 9:52 am
No- don't pitch in. You're already hosting the Shabbos kallah. Unless these same she a brochos organizers are helping you cater that..
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amother
Coral


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 10:11 am
So yes, its others on the "same level", but not even "everyone" on the same level. And by that token, no one is offering to help ME with the shabbos kallah--and I'm hosting the whole shabbos for the mother and sisters of the kallah. Not that I mind, but its like I AM contributing towards the simcha, how can I tactfully find out if I'm being considered a "guest" or a partner?
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 10:13 am
amother wrote:
So yes, its others on the "same level", but not even "everyone" on the same level. And by that token, no one is offering to help ME with the shabbos kallah--and I'm hosting the whole shabbos for the mother and sisters of the kallah. Not that I mind, but its like I AM contributing towards the simcha, how can I tactfully find out if I'm being considered a "guest" or a partner?


Speak to the person arranging the Sheva Brochos and be honest. You will feel better no matter how it ends.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 11:36 am
I'm confused. Are the people making this sheva brochos that you want to go to attending the shabbos kallah you are hosting? What is THEIR level of participation in that? Just because they chose to cater instead of cook now guests have to pay? Never heard of such a thing. Making everything from scratch also costs money.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 11:51 am
amother wrote:
I'm confused. Are the people making this sheva brochos that you want to go to attending the shabbos kallah you are hosting? What is THEIR level of participation in that? Just because they chose to cater instead of cook now guests have to pay? Never heard of such a thing. Making everything from scratch also costs money.

If in my family, siblings typically make a sheva brachos, and my sister is getting married I would expect to be a part of the sheva brachos, regardless of the fact that I offered to also host the shabbos kallah.
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familyfirst




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 24 2017, 12:01 pm
Shabbos kallah a are expensive too. You do not need to contribute to bith
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2017, 12:50 am
Guests shouldn't pay.
If you help with someone you're in, if not don't help.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2017, 6:19 am
amother wrote:
If in my family, siblings typically make a sheva brachos, and my sister is getting married I would expect to be a part of the sheva brachos, regardless of the fact that I offered to also host the shabbos kallah.


when you say "part of the sheva brachos" does that mean a "financial contributor?"

So, the tricky part is that originally of the 2 parents of the kallah, the one who iniitally offered the shabbos was the "other side", but since its the only "family" sheva brachos, one of my relatives offered to co-chair the sheva brachos. My "peer" relative asked me if I can "help". Its like I can't really offer to "physically" help b/c I'm due less than 2 weeks from the date--and I can't guarantee that I'll be around, but its like, how do I NOT go if I'm not in the hospital. Its not like I have a lot of other relatives in the same position that I can compare with.

When you say that I shouldn't "help" b/c I'm doing something else--does that mean "don't go?" Its like if I was in the position to go to the shabbos sheva brachos--which I would've likely done if not for the proximity to my due date, I don't think my relative would've made me pay for Shabbos.
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