I butchered her hair.....:(

amother

Brown

Mon, Oct 23 2017, 12:54 pm

I actually feel terrible for ur dd. My daughter is 4 and has gorgeous blonde curly hair. She has never gotten a haircut although she asks once in a while. Both dh and I LOVE her hair....and ahe does too. I had curly hair as well. I only brush it when she comes out of the bath otherwise I use a soft brush to make it pretty on top. Dh loves loves loves to brush her hair cut can't do it well after a bath so either I do it or he puts it in a pony as is.
Please take her to a store and but her lots of pretty hair accessories so she shouldn't feel so awful.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Oct 23 2017, 1:21 pm

I don't get why so many people are jumping on OP. I only have boys, so never really had to deal with hair care past the third birthday, so maybe that's why I would also find difficult hair frustrating and could see myself doing something stupid. And no, I would not find a single one of the curly hair tips obvious because I have stick straight hair that doesn't so much as frizz. I would have absolutely no idea what to do with a curly haired daughter and while I'd try to learn, mistakes would be inevitable.

And honestly, hair mishaps happen, especially to children. Sometimes self-inflicted, sometimes by the adult taking care of their hair, but it's practically a rite of passage to have a horrible haircut at least once as a kid. She's 4. Consult a professional to salvage what you can and get some cute headbands or something and life will go on and the hair will grow back. Better something like this should happen before she's old enough to care.

amother

Puce

Wed, Oct 25 2017, 3:41 pm

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

Ugh. It's not your hair, it's your daughter's hair. Unless you discussed this with your daughter (yes, even a four-year-old), and she agreed, I think this was the wrong thing to do. If she told you she didn't want you to do it, this is borderline abusive. And if you did it without discussing it with your daughter at all and/or you cut it without really thinking through a plan for a decent hairstyle, then you are out of control, IMO. Not to mention self-centered ... You write, "I constantly had to hear her screaming." You were causing her pain, and you're focusing on what you had to hear? Ugh.

I have thick curly afro-y dreadlock-y hair. I completely disagree with what the poster wrote here. You know what's borderline abusive? Making your tiny innocent 4 year old child scream in pain for 10 or 20 or 30 minutes a day just for the sake of looking the way society expects them to. You can't imagine how painful it is and adults are forcing that pain on you even though you clearly say you don't want it and are screaming in pain. Who has the right to do that to a child? I was actually a little traumatized from being forced to have my hair brushed as a young child, despite how much I screamed and despite how much pain I said I was in. I was even still mad at my mother for it until I was in my late 20s and we talked it out.

OP, you did not do the wrong thing.

First of all, if the hair actually dreadlocked (which mine has several times), there are really only 2 good options - spend hours of your life manually un-dreading it with your fingers, or cutting off the dreadlocked part and starting over. I have done both at several times in my childhood and adulthood, and it is rarely worth un-dreading it with a small child because they can't sit still long enough to do it.

Second of all, when I was 7, I finally asked my mother to have all my hair cut off really short. You can not imagine how much my life improved - how much less pain, less frustration, and less unnecessary time in the mornings were now in my life. Yes, my hair looked like a boy's. But the rest of me didn't - pink and purple shirts, cute little skirts, hearts and teddy bears and bows on everything. Lots of headbands and pretty barrettes - and my hair didn't break them! Just because there is a boy haircut, doesn't mean your child will look like a boy. I finally decided to grow my hair longer again when I was 12 - but that was an age where I was ready to take the responsibility for my own hair.

As an adult, after I got married, it was too hard to cover and I cut it really short again - best decision ever! My husband was initially shocked, but he came around after a few days, because there are enough ways to make it look cute, and he eventually said he actually liked it better. I have kept it short for several years now. Your husband can come around too. It could be he is more insulted that you didn't consult with him, rather than about the hair itself, but even if not, make sure to talk it out with him.

How does your daughter feel? If she likes it or doesn't care, don't make a fuss. If she is upset, take her with you to pick out cute hair accessories or other things to make her feel girly or pretty - costume jewelry, pretty socks/tights, stick-on earrings (a favorite of mine during my short hair periods, because people can finally see your ears!), pretty belts, etc.

Most importantly, just remember, hair grows! Hair grows! Hair Grows!

If it really is awful, it won't take too long for it to grow back. But you may all find that keeping it short is better for all of you and you all keep it that way. And if you don't, that's ok too, you tried, and you will start off with healthier hair and easier management because you are taking care of it gradually as it gets longer.

abaker

Wed, Oct 25 2017, 8:57 pm

Amother puce, I can't like your post enough.

Op. It's really not the biggest deal in the world. Listen to the posters who said to take the opportunity to teach your daughter how to help care for her hair,buy her a few hair accessories,and don't worry about it. ☺

sweetdimples

Wed, Oct 25 2017, 10:34 pm

Get those trendy headwraps sold on etsys and tie them into huge bows. I go absolutely gaga over that look in little girls...

amother

Pewter

Thu, Oct 26 2017, 5:33 am

I absolutely understand the op. My 5 year old dd almost always resists any attempt to comb her hair, kicking and screaming the roof off. She has headlice on and off. I need my dh to hold her down forcefully for at least partial combing and treatments. I've cut her tangled wavy hair a bit shorter than shoulder length for better management. But often enough I really wish I could just shave it all off!!! Raze it to the ground and then just wipe the head with a damp cloth every day. No more lice or tangles, no more screaming! Twisted Evil

Alas, it's a fantasy only...

TranquilityAndPeace

Thu, Oct 26 2017, 9:26 am

I'm far more concerned that your husband is reacting by not speaking to you, than the state of your 4 year old's hair. Her hair will grow, and you can give her cute accessories while it's short. IMHO this belongs in the Shalom Bayis section.

Hugs!

smilealot

Thu, Oct 26 2017, 9:47 am

When my sister with very curly hair was that age, she had lice and it was absolutely impossible to comb.
My mother put a washing up bowl on her head and cut round it!!!!!
You can imagine what that looked like!!!

shanie5

Sat, Oct 28 2017, 10:47 pm

When my oldest dd was about 11, her curly hair turned into a rats nest. She only brushed the outer layer, and underneath was the rats nest. I took her to a salon where I paid for a hot oil treatment which didn't work in untangling her hair. Her hair had to be cut to be able to be fixed up. The next time she let her hair become a rats nest, I cut the knots out and then brought her to the salon to fix it. Her hair was short. Not boy short, but she hated it. After that, she took care of her hair much better.
OP, I bet your dd is happier not having to sit through the painful brushing!

zaq

Sun, Oct 29 2017, 10:27 pm

My curly headed dd had short hair till she was old enough to care for it herself, period. Granted it wasn’t chopped off quite as short as a boy’s but it was short. No matter, by elementary school graduation it was halfway to her waist. Having short hair in early elementary, and certainly at age four, never did her any harm. Not to her body snd notvto her psyche. And I never had to torture her and myself and listen to her scream as I struggled to unsnarl her tangled locks.

OP, be matter of fact and your dd will be, too.