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Bris...totally clueless!



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amother
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Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 8:57 pm
So I will iy"H be having a boy in a few weeks (!!) and it's my first son. First grandson, first boy cousin, first male everything. I am TOTALLY clueless on what to do, expect, arrange in advance, arrange after the baby is born, etc.

(This is all assuming, btw, that everything goes well and according to plan and I have 8 days to take care of all of this if I have to wait until after the birth.)

OK, here are my questions, and I'm sure I'll think of more, but here's to start:

1. Does the baby need a special outfit? I see posts on here about a white bris outfit. What kind? Why white?

2. When do I arrange for the mohel? After the baby is born? Before?

3. When do I arrange for the caterer? My parents said something about having a fleishig bris (???) but gross! It's too early! Most people just do dairy - bagels/lox/etc?

4. How do I go about booking a hall/space/shul? And when? If my usual shul is not big enough for a bris, do I use a different shul? Or do I have to find like a party space? I don't really want to pay to feed a huge crowd of people I don't know, but our usual shul space is way too small for a bris.

5. What do I wear? Fancy dress? Outfit? Something comfortable or more fancy?

6. This is going to sound SUPER ignorant, but what is the schedule/procedure for the bris? What happens when? What parts do I sit out, if any?

7. What "honors" are there besides the sandek and kvatter? Who gets them?

8. We are Ashkenazi, Modern Orthodox. Any other special minhagim I should know about?

Thanks everyone!! Understandably I don't want to ask too many people yet for details, and I do have some time, but I'm getting nervous.
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:33 pm
B'shaah tova! Let me try to answer your questions.

1. It's not a halacha, but many people like to put the baby in a white bris outfit. You can get from a bris Gemach, or just buy any cute white outfit/strechie. You may also want to borrow a bris pillow.

2. You arrange for the mohel asap after the baby is born.

3. Ditto for the caterer. Most people do bagels, lox, etc but I have been to fleishig brissim with deli sandwiches and salads etc.

4. You can rent from another shul that has a bigger simcha hall, no problem.

5. Whatever fits! Spoiler alert- it will probably be maternity. But if not, lucky girl, you can wear a Shabbos dress or top/skirt. Just keep in mind it will be hard to nurse in a dress!

6. Procedure is basically davening (you can come near the end) and then the bris. You don't sit out any parts, but you will be either in the ladies section or in a small room off the men's section, depending on the shul. You will probably meet with the mohel immediately before and after the bris. You can ask him (or google) for the exact order everything will be in if you want more details.

7. Every family has different minhagim regarding kibbudim. You can google for the most common ones (el hakisei, mehakesai, sandek, kvatter, brachos, krias Shem, etc).

8. Can't think of much else. Bring tissues and be prepared (but not pressured) to cry. Again, don't expect to fit into your sheva brachos stuff!

Feel free to ask if you have any more questions! Feel good Smile

ETA- if it's applicable, start thinking about a pidyon haben...
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amother
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Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:42 pm
Boca00 wrote:
B'shaah tova! Let me try to answer your questions.

1. It's not a halacha, but many people like to put the baby in a white bris outfit. You can get from a bris Gemach, or just buy any cute white outfit/strechie. You may also want to borrow a bris pillow.

2. You arrange for the mohel asap after the baby is born.

3. Ditto for the caterer. Most people do bagels, lox, etc but I have been to fleishig brissim with deli sandwiches and salads etc.

4. You can rent from another shul that has a bigger simcha hall, no problem.

5. Whatever fits! Spoiler alert- it will probably be maternity. But if not, lucky girl, you can wear a Shabbos dress or top/skirt. Just keep in mind it will be hard to nurse in a dress!

6. Procedure is basically davening (you can come near the end) and then the bris. You don't sit out any parts, but you will be either in the ladies section or in a small room off the men's section, depending on the shul. You will probably meet with the mohel immediately before and after the bris. You can ask him (or google) for the exact order everything will be in if you want more details.

7. Every family has different minhagim regarding kibbudim. You can google for the most common ones (el hakisei, mehakesai, sandek, kvatter, brachos, krias Shem, etc).

8. Can't think of much else. Bring tissues and be prepared (but not pressured) to cry. Again, don't expect to fit into your sheva brachos stuff!

Feel free to ask if you have any more questions! Feel good Smile

ETA- if it's applicable, start thinking about a pidyon haben...


Thank you so much for replying!! I’m feeling so overwhelmed! It’s not my first kid, just my first son - and I’m a loonnngg way from my sheva brachot outfits 😜

What is a Bris pillow? Also should the baby’s outfit be easily bottomless (like a onesie) or it doesn’t matter?
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:51 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you so much for replying!! I’m feeling so overwhelmed! It’s not my first kid, just my first son - and I’m a loonnngg way from my sheva brachot outfits 😜

What is a Bris pillow? Also should the baby’s outfit be easily bottomless (like a onesie) or it doesn’t matter?


My pleasure! I did 4 and still found each one very overwhelming and emotional. (Thank you, hormones.)

A bris pillow is a firm pillow in a beautiful white decorative pillowcase that is especially made for a bris. It usually has a pocket in the front that you can slide the baby's legs in, which makes him somewhat more secure. The baby is carried on the pillow by the kvatter. This bris pillow is NOT halacha, just a nice thing if you can borrow from someone.

Whatever he wears, it should be able to be opened up easily on bottom. When the mohel checks and preps the baby before the bris, he will take off the pants (or open the onesie) and wrap the baby's legs in a receiving blanket.

The mohel should give you a whole list of what you will need (a&d ointment, bacitracin, gauze, diapers, bottle, kiddush cup, etc).
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:52 pm
Oh, and don't forget about the shalom zachor!
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:53 pm
Boca00 pretty much covered it all. Only thing I’ll add is that you’ll probably want to have some cheap onesies for the baby to wear for the first few days after the bris. (So you can throw them out without worrying about trying to clean them). They can get kind of gross between the bris (changing the gauze, etc.) and what’s left of the umbilical cord. Sorry if that’s tmi but I was a little shocked as a first time mother of a boy.
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amother
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Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 10:06 pm
Oh my gosh, I forgot about the shalom zachor! I mean, I've been thinking about it, but I forgot to ask my questions about it.

Besides having snacks, cake, and lots of beer/liquor, is there anything else special I need to do or serve? We're probably going to have this catered as well.
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 10:11 pm
amother wrote:
Oh my gosh, I forgot about the shalom zachor! I mean, I've been thinking about it, but I forgot to ask my questions about it.

Besides having snacks, cake, and lots of beer/liquor, is there anything else special I need to do or serve? We're probably going to have this catered as well.


You just need light refreshments; cakes, snacks and beer is perfect. Many people have the minhag to serve chickpeas as well.

People will come say mazel tov (let people know if you will be around and up to visitors for yourself), and sometimes the husband speaks, if he wants to. That's all I can think of, it's not too complicated.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 10:14 pm
Just wanted to say how appropriate it is that you happened to ask this question now, right after the parsha of Avraham Avinu's bris, and in the paraha od Yitzchak's bris. All should be well.
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Pandabeer




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 10:52 pm
Not sure if it's done in your circles, but the afternoon before the bris the boys,from chaider come for krias shema lainen.
We prepare pekelech ot give out.
Then at night is vachnacht when the Men come up. Some make a seuda and some do salads, bagels, kugel etc
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amother
Oak


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 1:10 am
For my son's bris I got a white Miracle Blanket. He wore just a white onesie and was swaddled in that. The mohel was able to open just the bottom of the blanket to do the bris and the baby's arms stayed swaddled. I think it's less stressful that way for the baby.

I also ordered a white crochet hat from Amazon.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 2:53 am
Op, bshah tova. May you have an easy smooth delivery. I just would like to point out that the baby might be more comfortable in a bunting after the Bris as opposed to a snowsuit where you'd have to spread his legs to fit them into place.
Also regarding the bris seuda many people have a custom of serving something meaty (chicken, coldcuts) because a bris is considered a seudas Mitzva and a Seuda is considered a seuda when served meat.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 4:13 am
The sandak, your dh and someone else (forgot who) wear a Tallis, your dh will wear his tefillin.
We did a 1:45 bris, so dh had to make sure these were there.

Since it is a seudas mitzvah, many serve fleishigs. That's also why lox is served, if you don't have meat, have fish. Dh says salmon is preferable to lox. Obviously you can do both.

You can ask around about mohelim now, but you only engage him for the bris after your son is born. He should come a day or two in advance to check your baby. Some use bilirubin levels, some use their own perception. Either is valid.

If you live in a decently sized community, there should be a gemach for a bris pillow and outfit. Some also have a becher, tefillos cards, receiving blankets and assorted ointments.

There is an Incan to cover the baby's head, so if the outfit doesn't come with a hat, get one.
Ask the mohel if he prefers elastic waisted pants. Many do since it's easier.

The mohel should tell you what creams, ointments and dressings to have on hand. After the bris he will instruct you on how to care for the milah. He should see the baby again a couple days later to check the healing.

Lay out your other children's full outfits the night before. It makes the morning significantly easier, especially if you will have someone else around to dress them.

An important honor is kriyas Shem. It's very nice to give it to someone who has a close connection to the one you're naming after. (Your father if you're naming after your Saba, your uncle if you will be using his father's name)

The sandak is usually the grandfather of the baby. The minhag is a different sandak for each son, not your issue yet.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 5:13 am
Pandabeer wrote:
Not sure if it's done in your circles, but the afternoon before the bris the boys,from chaider come for krias shema lainen.
We prepare pekelech ot give out.
Then at night is vachnacht when the Men come up. Some make a seuda and some do salads, bagels, kugel etc


Vachnacht is something usually done in chassidish circles. Krias shema is pretty much universal.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 6:27 am
You arrange the birth. let your husband and your parents/in laws kick in.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 8:32 am
Thanks everyone!! Wow, having a baby boy is so much more complicated than a baby girl Wink

Going to get on to at least asking around about a bris space, since that's the one thing that worries me most.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 8:51 am
amother wrote:
Thanks everyone!! Wow, having a baby boy is so much more complicated than a baby girl Wink

Going to get on to at least asking around about a bris space, since that's the one thing that worries me most.


I dont want to pressure you even more but I think I would also like to know this... Who will take care of the baby post bris?
With my first, I stayed home. I was always a big brave girl. Comes after bris everyone including mohel and husband left and I found myself having to change the baby. There went my braveness...I nearly fainted.
I think its good to plan in advance for this.

Bsha tova!
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MiriFr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 8:55 am
Wear a regular shabbos outfit and flats. Something easy to nurse in. Ur gonna wanna nurse him immediately after the procedure, kinda like comfort food.
For the baby- put him in something open at the bottom (kinda like a long dress with elastic on the bottom) and a cute hat.
My advice is to sit when the mohel does the bris and the naming.
Good luck!
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