Who took care of house hunt, you or dh

amother

Rose

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 12:21 pm

We are in the process of looking for a house. Dh wants to move too though admittingly I want it more. Dh does not do a thing. He claims he has no mental energy. I took care of the mortgage preappoval and I am in touch with the realtors. We are looking in an area an hr from where we currently live so its not always so easy to arrange to get to the open houses. On the flip side dh really doesnt care. Im going to pick the house and hell just go along. I just want a break and let him take over for a bit but if I dont take care of this we will get priced out soon and literally marry off our kids in our two bedroom....what were the dybamics of your house hunt

amother

Khaki

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 12:28 pm

The dynamics of a house hunt just echo the dynamics of the marriage in general. If it works for you both, great. If not, discuss how you want things to go. But if you care a lot and he doesn't care at all, then it makes sense for you to bear most of the burden on this one.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 12:49 pm

We were the opposite--he cared more and arranged everything. Of course I had opinions and a say in the house we bought, but I wasn't as particular, so he largely drove the process. I wouldn't say this is a reflection of our relationship as a whole except that when one of us cares more about something that person usually puts the most energy and effort into research and planning. We took a big trip recently and I did most of the booking for that, but sometimes I needed him to weigh in when I worried that he might not agree with a particular choice.

If you're making big decisions, make sure he's in on them and understands the ramifications so that you're both better prepared to deal with any future problems. Some people are naturally more easygoing, but you want to make sure you're not in a situation where because you made the choices, any potential problems are on you too.

DVOM

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 3:52 pm

I did most of the house hunting, inspection, conversation with lawyers, but my husband handled the mortgage. I find finances very confusing and overwhelming, so I asked him to take care of that. I cared more about the house itself though, so that was largely up to me. I totally get the stress of house hunting and wishing someone could just take over for me, but if you care more you're probably the one who's going to bear the brunt of the responsibility.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 4:19 pm

I did 95% of the logistics because I wanted the move more and he works very long hours so I'm generally in charge of household logistics and finances. He told me what was important to him (budget, certain criteria for the house, etc) and showed up to take a look whenever something seemed to fit the bill and obviously showed up for the closing, but that was it. I did everything else. I was fine with it, though. If I had wanted more from him, I would have insisted on it.

thunderstorm

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 5:18 pm

DH took care of it from beginning to end. I got to see the house and we got the house I liked. I then showed up to the closing and signed the paperwork. The rest my hubby did. Wouldn't have wanted it done any other way

amother

Azure

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 6:09 pm

We moved to another state 3 hours away. I made one trip to do househunting and made my choice based on what I saw in one day. We had 3 months to plan the move and close on a house so I had to act quickly. I took care of the mortgage application and all the paperwork.

In retrospect maybe I was a little hasty in buying this house but it was the best choice of the options we had available at the time.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 6:21 pm

First house. I wanted more than dh. My gamily is in the real estate and mortgage fields so we both were involved.
Built second hojse and bother equally involved in both the house and the financial end bh.

amother

Linen

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 9:42 pm

Did it all myself, my DH just trusts what I'll decide will work for us! I actually had to move a few months before he was able to, so he didn't see the house or ask for pictures or a video tour until the rest of us were there for a few months!! Was a cross country move and. he couldn't travel and we needed to be there already.

mommyhood

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 10:59 pm

I dealt with getting the mortgage and the back and forth with the realtor and the lawyer but Dh came to every house with me and we chose together. We both really wanted to move but it's easier for me to make phone calls and scan files than dh so it made sense this way.

Mommyg8

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 11:04 pm

I did everything. If it was up to dh, we'd still be living in our first apartment, it's just how he is.

Every marriage is different, and has different dynamics. There are very definite advantages to doing it this way - you get to pick exactly what you want, and from what I hear from my friends, some of whom had to negotiate each brick with their dh, there are definite advantages of getting to make all the decisions.

I handled the financial end as well, but I AM better at it, perhaps if your dh is better at the finances he'll come through when it gets to that part.

amother

Black

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 11:50 pm

My husband signed on our house sight unseen. But he was involved afterward w the boring mortgage and lawyer stuff. And that was fine with me!