Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Interesting Discussions
Couples Meals
  Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  7



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 05 2017, 11:06 pm
imasoftov wrote:
I wonder if that's an option on GetTaxi Mehadrin ...


Hahaha. I don't even know what that is.
Honestly, it's not a frumkeit thing, it's a personal thing. I learned the phsycology behind it and first name basis creates a personal relationship. I don't want any sort of personal relationship with the 80 year old taxi drivers here.
Back to top

salt




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 05 2017, 11:15 pm
Have read most of this thread and here are my thoughts.
1. It's going a bit far to say that genders should mix in order to encourage spiritual growth and in order to strengthen our fight against the yetzer (I'm not quoting anyone in particular, but that is one impression I got) - sounds a bit upside down if you ask me.

Say you think it doesn't effect relationships if they are strong enough, but not that it strengthens them.

2. another point is that people are talking about what's the 'letter of the law' etc, and what's written in the Torah versus what's a chumra. Well maybe someone can help me out here, because I'm not going to look up sources, but I'm not sure much of this is really written in the Torah, or Talmud- maybe a little more so in the shulchan aruch, but probably not even.
So it's all just a matter of social norms and what's accepted in your community.

Examples of things whose sources I don't know - mechitza in shul, maybe it's written or is it just obvious or a given?
Separate swimming. Separate dancing. Separate seating. Separate mingling at a kiddush. Separate youth groups. It's just a question of where you draw the line - no rules are so precisely written I don't believe. If I'm wrong I'm happy to hear sources.
Laws of yichud are written down - but all the rest I'm not sure.

3. I live in a very mixed community (I mean many different sectors of Jews) - I see couples, say in the park, mingling, chatting, laughing - it doesn't look right to me. Just sometimes seems too frivolous. Not always, sometimes. When I'm at a shul Kiddush - I feel much more comfortable when it's just women, than when I'm at a mixed Kiddush. People pushing by, etc.

4. To answer the OP, we sometimes have couples/families over for meals, if we think they are like minded families, and also if they are not like us, but then there would usually be a purpose, say kiruv, or to help out people in particular need. But I think it's different without kids - just a bunch of couples getting together, I'm not sure I would do that. And we try to keep the seating at the table separate (not 2 separate tables with a mechitza, just 2 ends of the table).

Sorry this is one of my jumbled posts again, with just random thoughts.
Back to top

Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 1:58 am
Many many yrs ago my good friend and her husband were invited to a 7 brachot on Shabbos and since I stayed in her home during that Shabbos I also went with them (I was divorced, no kids). I was very very new to the Haredi circles so it was interesting. This was in a family home and apparently there were a lot of ppl at the table. They put up a mechitza in the living room. I thought is was fascinating and didn't mind at all. Smile
Back to top

amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 2:36 am
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
Many many yrs ago my good friend and her husband were invited to a 7 brachot on Shabbos and since I stayed in her home during that Shabbos I also went with them (I was divorced, no kids). I was very very new to the Haredi circles so it was interesting. This was in a family home and apparently there were a lot of ppl at the table. They put up a mechitza in the living room. I thought is was fascinating and didn't mind at all. Smile

My chareidi relatives in Israel also does this. Separate seating with mechitza at shabbos 7 brachot, Ufruf, etc. Chardal relatives have separate seating but no mechtiza.
The reasoning is that there is more than one family present (the groom's family and the bride's family, or for a bar mitzva the mother of the BM boy's family and the father of the BM boy's family). They don't do this hosting family on shabbos, YT, or chol hamoed, but do seat men and women and separate ends of the table when hosting. I don't know whether they hosted couples when they were couples themselves, I guess it's safe to assume they did not.
Back to top

amother
Salmon


 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 2:41 am
You would probably place me in the 'yeshivish circles' and no I do not think I am in any way better than you or the like. I will tell you that I make different life choices than you make and I conduct myself probably in different ways than you do.

I personally do not feel comfortable at my stage in life, newly married for a few years, to host other couples or to be hosted by other couples. We have done it, both hosted and were hosted. We make sure to have the seating arrangements appropriate and the like. In general according to many rabanim girls have tznius rules to follow. In dress, speech etc. At such meals many times boundaries that should be up fall down.

About my DH, I trust him and I know him better than any of you his family and his friends-
I know what hes been through in life and I understand his challenge as a guy especially one who is BH still sitting and learning. He is definitely not seeing girls in a casual setting every day or in any setting. And guess what, being that he conducts himself the way he does his evil inclination is WAY larger than the guy who works with women, the guy who watches movies etc. Its a fact! Its proven in seforim and time and time again through history...
Back to top

amother
Seashell


 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 3:08 am
amother wrote:

And guess what, being that he conducts himself the way he does his evil inclination is WAY larger than the guy who works with women, the guy who watches movies etc. Its a fact! Its proven in seforim and time and time again through history...


I'm puzzled. Why conduct your life in a way that sets you up for failure?
Back to top

zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 4:36 am
LovesHashem wrote:
I don't want any sort of personal relationship with the 80 year old taxi drivers here.


And if they were 25 year old taxi drivers you would want a personal relationship with them? I feel free to call you an ageist, then.
Back to top

celestial




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 4:45 am
Stable adults know and understand that some guy or gal you see at a Shabbos table is presenting a social/external version of themselves. And that their spouse has flaws like any other human, and other folks maybe have different sets of flaws. I can chat and spend time socially with other young couples without seeing my husband in a different light. I suppose if you are very immature or sheltered it might have a negative effect.
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 4:51 am
amother wrote:
And the Torah guidelines say Yichud is assur, and you should not put yourself in a situation that can easily put you into that situation. That's the first basic fence - advised by the Torah. So again by following the Torah, I would never be in that situation. We did both agree earlier that basic/standard precautions and fences are necessary. It is the extra stringencies and extra boundaries that we were discussing. And I do think that we can both agree that your scenario falls into an initial fence (not a stringency) and is advised against by the Torah.

How does eating with another couple present yichud problems? You are eating with two other people, you are not swapping spouses for meals.
Back to top

imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 4:52 am
I don't think I have any sort of relationship with any taxi driver other than a business one, whether they call me by my first name, last name, or a horribly mispronounced version of either.
Back to top

moonstone




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 5:09 am
I seriously doubt that any taxi driver, regardless of their age or whether they know your name, wants a personal relationship with you or any other passenger. I'm sure most of them just want to take you to your destination, get paid, and move onto the next customer.
Back to top

Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 5:46 am
DrMom wrote:
How does eating with another couple present yichud problems? You are eating with two other people, you are not swapping spouses for meals.


This was a response to my imaginary scenario where you basically end up in an emotional affair with your friend's husband without being over on yichud or negia. My point was that you need more boundaries than that, that fall under "lo sikrevu", and some communities will extend this to not mingling.
Back to top

marina




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 10:27 am
I think these regulations may be useful for people who just happen to find themselves in bed with their husband's friend and have no idea how they got there. Uh gosh.... it just happened... don't know how...

But for the rest of us... what's the point? I could no more sleep with my friend's husband than I could accidentally buy a house. Every step is a deliberate decision.
Back to top

Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 12:37 pm
marina wrote:
I think these regulations may be useful for people who just happen to find themselves in bed with their husband's friend and have no idea how they got there. Uh gosh.... it just happened... don't know how...

But for the rest of us... what's the point? I could no more sleep with my friend's husband than I could accidentally buy a house. Every step is a deliberate decision.


True, but people make these bad decisions all the time. Noone says they want boundaries so they don't accidentally end up in bed with a guy, it's so that they don't begin a sequence of bad decisions that could lead up to that.
Back to top

LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 12:45 pm
zaq wrote:
And if they were 25 year old taxi drivers you would want a personal relationship with them? I feel free to call you an ageist, then.


I wouldn't either. I have yet to meet a taxi driver of that age in this country.
Back to top

LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 12:49 pm
moonstone wrote:
I seriously doubt that any taxi driver, regardless of their age or whether they know your name, wants a personal relationship with you or any other passenger. I'm sure most of them just want to take you to your destination, get paid, and move onto the next customer.


Have you been to Israel? The taxi drivers here get personal! There's a few that know my entire family at this point! When you don't have a car, you take taxis often, and there's only so many drivers per neighborhood.

In any case, I agree that many don't care about me.
But this is about how I feel.
And Phsycology.

Did you ever read Gila Mandolsons books? She talks about it.
Back to top

amother
Aqua


 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 1:14 pm
DrMom wrote:
How does eating with another couple present yichud problems? You are eating with two other people, you are not swapping spouses for meals.


This was not in reference to the OP's question, but in reference to a hypothetical situation suggested by another poster.
Back to top

amother
Aqua


 

Post Mon, Nov 06 2017, 1:35 pm
salt wrote:

1. It's going a bit far to say that genders should mix in order to encourage spiritual growth and in order to strengthen our fight against the yetzer (I'm not quoting anyone in particular, but that is one impression I got) - sounds a bit upside down if you ask me.


I'm not sure you understood the point of that conversation. The point wasn't that let's purposely mix the genders so we can encourage spiritual growth. The point was that genders mixing is a normal part of society, and learning how to deal with that in a Torah'dike manner will encourage growth. The Torah gives us advice just how to do that. (The Torah doesn't ask of us to separate the genders, that's a boundary placed on a boundary placed on boundary placed on a boundary....)
Back to top
Page 7 of 7   Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  7 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Better to eat 3 big meals or 3 meals and 2 snacks? to lose
by amother
10 Tue, Feb 20 2024, 7:50 pm View last post
What do your kids eat shabbos meals?
by amother
25 Fri, Feb 16 2024, 9:15 am View last post
by zigi
Ideas for meals for 1 yo
by amother
9 Mon, Feb 12 2024, 8:51 pm View last post
How to get Chai lifeline meals in Columbia
by amother
11 Thu, Feb 08 2024, 12:21 pm View last post
Couples costume 17 Tue, Feb 06 2024, 8:23 am View last post